Thread: The blur between omnicience and non

I'm starting to lay down the text to my novel, but I didn't get two paragraphs in before I started to question whether I'm using omnicience on characters whose thoughts should not be available to the reader.

“Do you have your ID and birth certificate?”
“Yes,” Millicent said, consciously laying her portfolio on the counter with the spine left and working the zipper in thirds: top, side, bottom.

I'm thinking that by stating "she consciously" did this action, I'm now starting to give the reader inside info and not describing her actions as methodical and deliberate. I'm actually starting to loathe using the word "consciously" as it really doesn't describe behavior that is conscious of action. The narration is third person limited omnicience with only the thoughts of the main character available.

May I get some feedback on this. I'm not looking for a critique of my writing, other than my idea of the distinction between omnicience and non-omnicience.

So two paragraphs in you're freaking out because of one word which in turn causes you to question your style?

Dude. Relax.

Omniscience as I've come to understand it in writing involves taking the action away from the narrative character's point-of-view (and thus essentially telling the story from the writer's, who in the universe of the novel is god, or at least god-like). Douglas Adam's Hitchhiker's novels are good examples of this, switching between following the characters and rambling aimlessly about the far reaches of the universe.

In the provided sample here, you're still on-track with your characters, you're not hopping around like a jackrabbit on caffeine and you're not commenting about or judging their thoughts (if a character says something stupid, you aren't supposed to point it out, as that would be taking the POV away from the character who just said something stupid- get the idea here?)

You're simply describing events.

And if it really bugs you that much, then cut the dang word.

Originally Posted by Vertigo

So two paragraphs in you're freaking out because of one word which in turn causes you to question your style?

Dude. Relax.

I'm just trying to ensure I stay consistant. I don't feel I'm freaking, but concerned.

Omniscience as I've come to understand it in writing involves taking the action away from the narrative character's point-of-view (and thus essentially telling the story from the writer's, who in the universe of the novel is god, or at least god-like). Douglas Adam's Hitchhiker's novels are good examples of this, switching between following the characters and rambling aimlessly about the far reaches of the universe.

Perhaps I should pull my copies back off the shelf and re-read them.

And if it really bugs you that much, then cut the dang word.

That is what I ended up doing and instead painted the picture more clearly.

Okay, okay. Let's none us of "freak out"! There's third person and third person omniscient (type that fives times, fast!). From what I can tell, you're writing the latter. In that case, don't worry about it.

What may you be really bothering you is the use of the adjective "conciously". If you feel you're using it too often, then fix it in your second draft.

'Consciously' does slightly imply that the reader has access to Millicent's thoughts. Not every reader will pick up on that since some readers might consider a conscious action to be observable behavior in someone else. Other readers will say 'No, you must be inside of a person's head to know what they are conscious of.' I think you are on the right track to consider changing the word to a variation of 'methodical' or 'deliberate.'

Originally Posted by Robert_S

I'm starting to lay down the text to my novel, but I didn't get two paragraphs in before I started to question whether I'm using omnicience on characters whose thoughts should not be available to the reader.



I'm thinking that by stating "she consciously" did this action, I'm now starting to give the reader inside info and not describing her actions as methodical and deliberate. I'm actually starting to loathe using the word "consciously" as it really doesn't describe behavior that is conscious of action. The narration is third person limited omnicience with only the thoughts of the main character available.

May I get some feedback on this. I'm not looking for a critique of my writing, other than my idea of the distinction between omnicience and non-omnicience.

conscious |ˈkän ch əs|
adjective
aware of and responding to one's surroundings; awake.
• having knowledge of something; aware : we are conscious of the extent of the problem.
• ( conscious of) painfully aware of; sensitive to : he was very conscious of his appearance.
• concerned with or worried about a particular matter : they were growing increasingly security-conscious.
• (of an action or feeling) deliberate and intentional : a conscious effort to walk properly.
• (of the mind or a thought) directly perceptible to and under the control of the person concerned.

As far as I know, I can tell if someone's conscious or not; so can a narrator. I can also tell if someone's doing something consciously, or absentmindedly by his motions, and so on. You are not telling what they are thinking, but the state of their minds (which can easily be inferred anyways), so it's fine. Saying someone consciously did something is the same as saying someone is absentmindedly walking down a street; you are not reading their minds, just stating the obvious.

This is the rewrite, detailing her actions as methodical and deliberate. I rather like the rethink and rewrite:

“Do you have your ID and birth certificate?”
“Yes,” Millicent said.

She directed her portfolio to the counter top, mediating any sway with her left hand and laid it silently down on its flat with the spine to the left. With the right hand, she worked the zipper in steady thirds: top to the side, side to the bottom, bottom to the end and opened the case, right to left. The security officer took the manilla envelope she produced from her case and stood watching as she pulled her wallet from her purse, placed it center of her case, spine left, slid her driver’s liscence out from its pocket and handed it over.

Your new version is much clearer.