Thread: A bit of help with description please

Hey all, im having trouble trying to describe a conical helmet, such as this

http://www.irongatearmory.com/index....products_id=15

however after some thought, im leaning more towards one like this now

Kohokuvioitu viikinkikypärä [300386] : Rautaportti.fi

this is a rough draft of what I have so far.............

he placed his helmet upon his head, it was a standard issue conical helmet, with a nasal bar riveted onto a protective band that ran around the circumference.

not great I know, really struggling with this one

Nasal bar might be technically correct (I'm not sure either way) but nose guard might paint a better picture for readers that need one. Many of your readers will be familiar with the equipment of the day. How certain are you of "issue?" Depending on who your character is, he may have purchased it rather than having it issued to him.

He placed his helmet upon his head. It was the standard conical helmet with a nose guard riveted to the helmet rim extending down between his eyes and reaching almost to his mouth.

A better way might be: "He put on his conical iron helmet, adjusting it so that the nose guard, extending down from the helmet's rim between his eyes, did not block his vision." This way is more showing, less telling.

What period/place are you writing in? I set my stories in the Merovingian era.

my book is a fantasy novel, however i have based the human race in my story on vikings, Id like the helmet to be standard issue as my character only upgrades certain items within his equipment that he can afford or believes worth doing so. I like the description you have given and will use the idea throughout the rest of my story. Merovingian era sounds interesting ! how many stories do you have in this time ?

I have about 40 short stories, three complete novels, and two novels in progress - all of them in need of serious rework.

Did you use the word 'upon' as an intentional way to make the story feel archaic? I've been thinking about that for awhile now without success. How do I make the characters feel more medieval and less modern?

I would be interested in reading some of your work if its available, I prefer to use words such as 'upon', I feel it gives an old fashioned feel and a way to distance the work from modern day slang which gives a fantasy novel/ fiction a cheap feel to it. You have probably heard of this guy but conn iggulden is the best when it comes to historical fiction. His novels on ghengis khan are outstanding and worth a read even if it is just for hints and tips on how to date your work david gemmell is also worth looking at. Both my favorite writers in this style I feel I get alot of insperation from them

Try describing it from the wearer's point of view, does he adjust the strapping inside to make it fit comfortably? Does the noseguard infringe on his vision? Does it alter the way he hears things? Restrict his movement? Is he as recognisable to his friends or has the standard issue made him a small part of a larger unit? That's the sort of thing that people mean when they compare showing and telling.

Thank you for sharing this info with me olly, think I am going to have a read through the various novels I own "of a similar genre" just to get a grasp of how it is done. I find it frustrating that I have the ideas, just getting it all typed up to make an interesting nevel is proving to be quite a challenge