Thread: Outlining an "evil" organization.

Hello guys, I come yet again with another request. It's for the same story as my previous topic http://www.writingforums.com/writing...stic-city.html

I have an organization by the name of "Crimson Conglomerate." They are the bad guys of my story, a cover for the last vampire clan. Their top priority is ensuring vampires remain secret, but they have risen to power in the resent years, every time growing larger.

One of my main character is an "Enforcer," which gets captured by the hero on the job. Enforcers are the ones that get their hands dirty, killing humans and vampires alike for the Conglomerate's best interests.

My main character is an investigator for the security department of the city. But I'm having trouble deciding what exactly he's investigating that somehow relates to this organization.

I'm not very good at coming up with evil schemes, but I know that whatever they are planning has something to do with Cloud Nine (a huge tower, about 3km high, currently in construction). This tower should be a big threat to the city, because it's going to get blown up at the end. Another thing is that my Investigator must somehow encounter the enforcer, which killed someone "dangerous" to the conglomerate, and survive the encounter.

I the target must somehow be related to the investigator, or give him enough reason to break into his house at night. My current idea is a reporter named Isaac, who often sells information to the hero. He somehow learned something that made him a threat to the conglomerate and got himself killed, but I'm still filling the blanks.

What do you guys think? Any pointers on this? Those who like murder mysteries, what do you guys think I should write?

Here is my idea...

Isaac knows that if he attempts to "blow the whistle" on the Crimson Conglomerate, there's a good chance that he'll be killed. But, nobly, he decides that it is more important that he let everyone know so decides to willingly sacrifice his own life in the attempt, if that is what it takes. To make sure their secret is exposed, he encodes a message into his DNA (I'm assuming that, since this is the future, there will be lots of technology that doesn't exist now, maybe something involving nanotech) and does indeed get killed by the Enforcer. However, the CC didn't count on his encoding their secret in his DNA, and just figure that, with Isaac dead, their secret is safe for the moment. You could have the Enforcer usually frame poor and homeless denizens of Ground 1 as the murderers somehow whenever they'd carry out a killing. (Would have to work out the details on that.)

Later, when an autopsy is being done on Isaac, the doctor finds the DNA message and calls the Investigator down to take a look.

The Investigator decodes the message and finds out the deep dark secret of the CC. He vows to expose them. He goes back to other murder cases he's examined in the past and begins to notice striking similarities and patterns. (Again, this would be dependent on the manner in which the victims are killed, a detail that would have to be worked out.)

Maybe you could have the Saleinn Corp. working with the CC somehow. For instance, maybe the CC is about to grow in power to where they are going to take over the world and plan a mass killing, and the Saleinn Corp. has made a deal with them that they will be the CC's "human harvesters" in exchange for a position of power in this dark new world. So Saleinn builds Cloud 9 as a facility for the CC where humans will eventually be captured and drained of their blood for the CC. (Similar to the "human farms" in the Matrix movies.)

Originally Posted by VanishingSpy

Here is my idea...

Isaac knows that if he attempts to "blow the whistle" on the Crimson Conglomerate, there's a good chance that he'll be killed. But, nobly, he decides that it is more important that he let everyone know so decides to willingly sacrifice his own life in the attempt, if that is what it takes. To make sure their secret is exposed, he encodes a message into his DNA (I'm assuming that, since this is the future, there will be lots of technology that doesn't exist now, maybe something involving nanotech) and does indeed get killed by the Enforcer. However, the CC didn't count on his encoding their secret in his DNA, and just figure that, with Isaac dead, their secret is safe for the moment. You could have the Enforcer usually frame poor and homeless denizens of Ground 1 as the murderers somehow whenever they'd carry out a killing. (Would have to work out the details on that.)

I liked the idea, other than the dna part. The idea in itself is not bad, but this is more of an action story than mystery, and what I wanted was create a first encounter with the enforcer, in a plausible way. The encounter would be right after Isaac dies, in the crime scene, so I might go with the more typical phone-call or something.

I hadn't thought about the framing. And it gave me a very interesting idea. The main character, with the prisoner tied up inside his apartment (he has his reason, but I'm not telling now) finds how someone else got framed for the murder, and the enforcer sneers at the sight.

He goes back to other murder cases he's examined in the past and begins to notice striking similarities and patterns. (Again, this would be dependent on the manner in which the victims are killed, a detail that would have to be worked out.)

Thing is that the main character and the enforcer have a very tricky relationship. They spend most of the story together, avoiding being murdered by other enforcers (a captured enforcer is a target of other enforcers), and trying to use each other for their own objectives. It's hard to explain without telling the whole thing but the gist of it is that the main character wants to take revenge and the enforcer wants to be freed from the CC, and for that they must kill the vampire that bit the enforcer.

Maybe you could have the Saleinn Corp. working with the CC somehow.

You know, I just like how you come up with the same ideas as me. CC owns roughly 30% of Saleinn Corp, and they have the second biggest influence in the company. The largest investor (49%) has been abstaining from voting on decisions for the past 10 years. You get the picture.

For instance, maybe the CC is about to grow in power to where they are going to take over the world and plan a mass killing, and the Saleinn Corp. has made a deal with them that they will be the CC's "human harvesters" in exchange for a position of power in this dark new world. So Saleinn builds Cloud 9 as a facility for the CC where humans will eventually be captured and drained of their blood for the CC. (Similar to the "human farms" in the Matrix movies.)

Hmm, that just sounds off, considering Saleinn Corp is run by humans.

I was thinking on some kind of dangerous technology that would benefit vampires. One of my initial ideas was to filter all sunlight, leaving it on the level of artificial lighting. That would of course annihilate all plant lifeforms on the city, but it just doesn't seem threatening enough. This is my biggest hurdle right now.

EDIT= Mass mind-controlling device, how does that sound? Or maybe the standard mass-destruction weapon.

The Enforcer might not have the authority to decide who to kill or not kill. He only follows orders. During the first encounter with the Investigator, the enforcer does not have authorization to kill the investigator. Alternatively, the Enforcer might be somewhat mercenary, a hit man who only kills for money. If there is no contract on the Investigator yet, the Enforcer would have no incentive to kill him. He might consider convincing his superiors to put out a contract on the Investigator, but so far, there is no profit in killing him.

Originally Posted by C.M. Aaron

The Enforcer might not have the authority to decide who to kill or not kill. He only follows orders. During the first encounter with the Investigator, the enforcer does not have authorization to kill the investigator. Alternatively, the Enforcer might be somewhat mercenary, a hit man who only kills for money. If there is no contract on the Investigator yet, the Enforcer would have no incentive to kill him. He might consider convincing his superiors to put out a contract on the Investigator, but so far, there is no profit in killing him.

The enforcer is a vampire. Vampires are forced to obey their master (the vampires that bit them), and this chain goes all the way up to the elders. Only the master can control the vampire, so killing the master equals to being freed from the chain.

The investigator wants to get revenge, but it's on something... completely different. He doesn't even know who he wants to take revenge on, but he's pretty sure that who is a vampire. The enforcer doesn't want to kill the main character, but to use him to kill the master, which cannot be done by the servant vampire. But while they have a slightly common interest, they don't trust each other, and a big part of the story is their game of wits.

For instance, the enforcer at one instance tries to convince the main character that feeding from him wouldn't have any kind of side-effects save for lowering his blood pressure. After a few days, the enforcer pretends he cannot go on without feeding. The investigator allows the enforcer to bite him, but things don't turn out as expected. Normally he would have fainted, but he didn't because he took several pills of amphetamine to remain awake. The result is a situation where they both pretend nothing is wrong, and that they have gained mutual understanding when in fact it's the very opposite.