Thread: Hi I"m new and Story Ideas I'd like feeback on

I am new here and if this is the not right place to post story starts of ideas let me know which thread to post them to and I can move it to the correct thread. I have been writing for years it's a hobby of mine and with theas ideas I could use some feeback and ideas on what you think.


First Idea is this,
A gnome living in a community in the forest unseen by the eyes of man a noble gnome one of noble rank and wealth living there. Well respected and honored by the townspeople he is a pillar of their community.

In the forest wandering alone he hears the faint screams of a lady in distress. Seeing she is chased by a honorable man who claims to be her master and she his servant as she is fleeing from him she trips over a tree root and is certain she will be captured by the man. Upon coming up her she is in plain site but still he doesn't see or hear her at all.
Puzzled by this she wonders what happened, "I am Lord Savron I have saved you from this cruel man. I have kept you safe by my magic are you alright your not injured are you after you tripped over the tree root?"
"No I'm fine thank you but where are you? I am Lady Terragon so I once was called I guess it's just Terragon now." she says sighing.
"I am near by but you can't see me not just yet I mean no disrespect to you Lady Terragon as I will call you."
"It's alright I understand thank you for keeping me from him."
"I wish to see that your safe Milady take this you should see a large bag of coins for you to start a new life with go and build a great life for yourself."
She takes the coins and ends up becoming a very rich noble lady and frequently goes to the little grove where she first meet Lord Savron. They talk and start to become close friends. Thought one day she asks him to reveal himself to her to let her see him.
With a bit of hesitation he agrees and emerges from behind some of the twigs and branches on the forest floor when she catches sight of him she is startled to find that he is a gnome but still a handsome gnome. Leaving in disappointment and a bit of anger she goes back to her house. Though he calls for her to come back she mounts her horse and leaves.
Later while wondering through his town home he knows he has fallen in love with Terragon. Going to a witch he obtains a magic potion that will turn him into a man for a small allotted time. Though he will be a man he will not be able to talk to her.
This is where I am a bit stuck as I am unsure of how to have a if he doesn't win her heart what happens to him? I was thinking a merman but wasn't sure as he would be taken away from the gnome life he has.

My second Idea is:
As I am an Aquaman fan the alex ross justice version the artwork was great. Side note there sorry.
This idea is taking the Aquaman character and creating a unique spin to a classic fairy tale combining Aquaman with the Rapunzel story. Calling it Auatunzel combo of the two chracters and a play on the story. Following the the fairy tale story with elements of him finding his true love again. Thought this might be a continuation to my Legend of a king my first aquaman fan fic story. If you would like to read more let me know.

My thrid idea is:

In a large city a lady Fern is her name she living alone with a cat in her apartment she has found a mirror that allows her to go to another world. There she meets Merik a man she meet while visiting there as they have become great fiends. She only knows that he studies marine life and that is why he is always in the water. But yet that is not the reason he keeps himslef hidden from her. He hides a secret of his own under the saphire waves of the ocean.

Later she asks him to join her on the rock that she is laying on in the sea. Hesitating for a minute he grants her request and gets up on the rock with her. Startled by what she sees she faints in his arms. He explains that all though he is a merman that he still wishes to be a friend to her if she can accept that he is of the sea. Fern does accept him and they remain friends.

Her aunt later in the story a rich society snob decides it's time Fern take her place in society along with her. As Fern has no taste for any of it still she knows she has to go along with her aunt and agrees she come for a visit.

While her aunt is there visiting Merik uses magic to come be with Fern for an allotted time. Though the magic has turned him into a man he has taken a great risk in using it.

Aunt somehow would stop Fern from going to him as she know that Fern could do better than this man. Somehow she the aunt discovers the door way to the world he lives in. Stops Fern somehow not sure yet still writing the story. I am not sure what the risk would be to merik yet but I welcome any ideas and thoughts.

Any feedback is welcomed suggestions ideas thanks to you all,
Starrynight

Here are suggestions for changes in the first part:

A gnome of wealth and noble rank lived in a community in the forest, unseen by the eyes of man. He was well respected and honoured by the townspeople as a pillar of their community.

Walking in the forest alone he hears the screams of a lady in distress. He sees she is chased by an honourable man who claims to be her master and she his servant. As she flees from him she trips over a tree root and is certain she will be captured by the man. She is in plain sight but when the man comes up to her he doesn't see or hear her at all.

Puzzled by this she wonders what happened, 'I am Lord Savron', said the gnome. 'I have saved you from this cruel man. I have kept you safe by my magic. Are you alright? You're not injured, are you? You tripped over the tree root.'

'No, I'm fine thank you', she said. 'But where are you? I am Lady Terragon, or so I once was called. I guess it's just ''Terragon'' now.'She sighed.

'I am near by', said the gnome. 'You can't see me just yet. I mean no disrespect to you, Lady Terragon, as I will call you.'

'It's alright. I understand. thank you for keeping me from him.'

This is a suggested revision for the first part of the first idea. Your main problem is lack of punctuation - was that deliberate? I have followed Fowler in adding punctuation. You may want to change to U.S. style.

As for continuing the story, suppose the witch turns him into a man who is not very attractive. While not downright ugly, he will never win the lady's heart with his looks. The witch tells him that he must cause the lady to fall in love with him because of his manners, his behaviour, and such. He has a limited time to accomplish this. If he fails he will return be being a forest gnome - a noble one to be sure, but a gnome none-the-less.

You need to create some sort of problem when he first approaches the lady. Perhaps someone she admires takes a dislike to him on sight, there is an argument, and she tells him to go away. The rest of the story is his slow progress in winning her goodwill, and near the end, when she is half convinced she loves him, he has a chance to prove both his good heart and his courage. He wins her love at last and is allowed to remain a man.

You have a good start for a story line. Work on punctuation and study how to use phrases and clauses. Learn the difference between 'your' and 'you're' and between 'site' and 'sight'.

Above all keep writing, and let us see your work as you continue.

The ideas there are just a start a rough draft but yes I'll edit more closely before I post some of the story. I might even post one I"m working on now in a bit. I'll type up more on this one and post the story. The other two ideas are those ok or.

Glad you liked the gnome story it's one idea I had in my mind for a while. Creative fun in writing I enjoy it a lot. Thank you again for your help. Maybe I could enlist your help on my writing? If that's ok with you.

Starrynight

I'll help all I can, but you need to know that I'm a journalist, not a fiction writer. I have a very limited imagination, having spent my life reporting on what I see and hear, giving little thought to what might be. I can tell you a lot about clauses and phrases, and why English inherited the ablative absolute, but there are others here who can give you far more help with imaginative fiction.

Thank you I think it's cool your a journalist thought about that for a job back in high school. Thank you for offering to help.

Starrynight

Writing for local newspapers is a great way to start a writing career, if you have any local newspapers left in your area. If not, the news departments at your local radio and tv stations are also good places to start. Many fiction writers have started as reporters. Journalism is good training for any kind of writing.