Thread: Writing is a guilty pleaure

Nowadays, my desire to be a writer feels akin to someone wanting to be a rockstar when they grow up: impractical and unlikely. As an adult (31) with a wife and two kids, in the process of buying a house, time spent writing almost seems like lost time. It literally just feels like me entertaining the random notions that I have in my head while neglecting those things that might better mine and my family's lot in life.

I'm a graphic designer in my day job, with aspirations to become a web designer/developer. I like both of those fields pretty well, but they really do not fulfill me on a spiritual level like writing (and, to a slightly lesser extent, drawing). I stumbled into the graphic design career and I do okay at it, and the web stuff I am learning because it's a very lucrative field with the potential to make pretty good money, and I want to be able to continue to provide for my family.

There are all sorts of things I could be doing in my spare time to prepare or to advance myself in graphic and web design (updating a portfolio, practicing coding webpages, the list goes on and on...) and yet all I want to do when I get home from a difficult or taxing day at work is write. To dwell on the scenes, characters and situations in my mind that, for whatever reason, present themselves so vividly in my head throughout the day.

It's not that I'm neglecting my day-to-day job to write. When I'm at work, I do my work, and don't let myself get off-task. My employers are happy with my performance. It's just that I'm not devoting every fiber of my being to advancing in the graphic design field, because so much of my actual being is so tied up in my desire to write stories...

I know that people have hobbies, things that they just enjoy doing for the sake of doing them, and they don't consider the possibility that they'd ever do it for money. For many people, writing is that hobby. I wish it was like that for me. But if I'm being honest with myself, when I consider the possibility that, at the end of my life, all I might have to show for my time on earth are business card designs and webpages, I can't help but shudder. I just feel like there is something more for me out there.

There is really no point to this post beyond my desire to express how I feel. Anybody else ever have thoughts like this?

No. Writing paid for university, then paid the rent and bought the groceries for next half century. I raised my son with money made from writing. The writing itself is pleasurable, something I would have done all my life even if there had been no profit in it, but early on decided to take my grandfather's advice to find something I enjoyed that would make a decent living and stick with it. So I did, and so I have continued to do right into old age.

Never feel guilty about doing something honest that brings satisfaction. Pursue it, and one day you may find that what you are now doing for pleasure will one day be what you do to, using my favourite expression, pay the rent and buy the groceries. Living by writing is the best life there is, or so I think so, but then I've never tried any other way.

Of course, your situation is very different, Garza. You pursued writing from the onset. I'm in the same situation as the OP. I took up writing after I chose another career path and made other commitments. The guilt comes from knowing that there are always things you could or should be doing other than writing -- so it's not just a matter of pursuing something that "brings satisfaction." And if you're writing fiction, the chances of making a living at it are remote -- so it's not really practical to look at that as justification for time spent writing. There is also the matter of logistics -- working in the time to write when you're working full time, raising a family, taking care of a house etc. I do make time to write, but it's painfully slow going. So I can relate to the OP and his frustration -- and I suspect he was looking to commiserate with people in the same boat. Sometimes it's just good to know that others are dealing with the same issues.

Fair's fair, Spy. You're being asked and paid to do a job during work hours. Sounds like you're doing it. End of discussion. If someone were to pay you to pour your heart and soul into advancing the field of graphic design, it'd probably be a different story.

I've been there. The good news is that time brings opportunity. Right now your focus is where it should be: On your family. There will be time in the future.

Finally, don't give up. Your heart is obviously in your writing--that's a great thing. Keep good notes. You'll probably want to revisit some of your ideas and experiences when you have more and better time to focus on the writing.

Good luck and hang in there!

I'm in a similar situation to the OP. I want to make a success of writing fiction. I'm self-employed, married, have a young daughter, and for large periods of time all I want to do is improve my writing. I've found that writing is good for my equilibrium, not therapeutic so much as a feeling of satisfaction knowing I'm working towards something positive. With this in mind my wife doesn't nag at me when I ask her if she can relocate to her mother's for the day to give me a quiet house to work in. My writing really couldn't have progressed as much as it has without her help (though I shall never ask her to read one of my stories again after she fell asleep halfway through the last one).

Is there a difference between selfishness and single-mindedness? I don't know. I am a selfish person by nature, and don't feel guilty about the number of hours I spend writing, though I think that may be because my wife's attitude towards it is quite laissez-faire.

It literally just feels like me entertaining the random notions that I have in my head while neglecting those things that might better mine and my family's lot in life.

Depends what you mean by bettering your families lot. Better job, more money, bigger house, bigger television etc. etc. Or how about your freedom to write meaning you are a happy dad and husband, and what price that happiness you can share with your family?

Originally Posted by garza

No. Writing paid for university, then paid the rent and bought the groceries for next half century. I raised my son with money made from writing.

Doesn't work that way for 98% of wannabe writers.

I have known people who were workaholics, still do some. My impression is that most of them are no more effective than people like yourself who mix work with other parts of their life, I think partly humans are very good at importing ideas and skills from one part of their life to another, so people who do something different part of the time have more perspective and bring different skills to their work; partly simply having a rest from work means you do it better when you go back to it.

I'm a graphic designer, like the OP. You have to spend a certain amount of time marketing, learning new technology, working on your portfolio -- and if you're busy that means you have to do some of those things while your working on projects. That means putting in extra hours -- especially when you're first getting established. That doesn't make you a workaholic.

I also know workaholics -- quite a few of them -- and many of them are very effective, focused and successful. Others do a some wheel-spinning because they don't manage their time very well. It depends.

*god I feel young*
I'm currently racing to finish a novel before my senior year of high school, hoping that it will allow me to make art my source of income through high school (hoping to spend a lot of my earnings, if/when I finish and get a publisher, on a DSLR camera, a Bamboo Fun art tablet, and a laptop), and help me pay through college. On the other hand, the time I'm spending writing could easily be invested in one of the many minimum wage, dead end jobs that are offered to high school students. Meanwhile, I don't have much time to write or work to begin with due to the AP classes I'm taking, and could be using the time I use to write to study for my classes and hopefully get a few scholarships...

I know it's a sort of different scenario, but at the same time it's similar...y'know?

AaronTP - You make me feel old and tired. And don't check on my birthday and say 'there's a reason you feel old and tired'. Stay on track. Stay focused. Consider writing for local newspapers as I did in high school. It's good experience and there are no rigid hours. Stick with Canon or Nikon dslr's despite the complaint that they are bulky and clumsy - they also have a wide choice of great lenses and once you are used to one it's not clumsy at all. Others here, notably Baron, will have a different opinion. Consider a netbook instead of a laptop. Lighter, cheaper, and unbeatable for on-the-road use. You need to ask Joe, two posts up, about graphics tablets - I still use charcoal and paper.

And do make your school work top priority. I was a lousy student until I got to university and now I wish I'd overcome my dislike of teachers and worked harder in high school.

Rustgod - It will work that way for anyone willing to start early and spend the time and effort needed to develop the skills they need.

VanishingSpy, my writing colleague has a family and a job that requires significantly more than forty hours a week. However, he always manages to get in a minimum of two pages a week, and usually more like four at our meetings. Don't worry, if you want to write, you'll find a way.

Thanks for your responses, everyone.

Garza, I'm glad things worked out for you to where you were able to turn your passion into your career. I think I do a pretty fair job at writing consistently, for the love of the craft, even though it's unlikely that I'll ever be able to make a living solely from it. I've been writing since I was 7 or 8 years old, and have accumulated a huge amount of work since I was in my teens. I do manage to find time now to write, but when I do I feel like I'm just using that time to pursue a hobby, when there are so many things that I could be doing to advance myself in the field that, for better or worse, brings me financial income.

Of course, as Bilston Blue implies, it does seem immensely important for people to be able to have outlets like writing to maintain their own personal fulfillment and happiness, and to be able to share that happiness with their loved ones.

I'm not sure exactly how I stumbled into a graphic design career... I think it has to do with the fact that, for a long time, I worked in the kitchen of a restaurant and was desperate to get out. So when an opportunity came about in an entry-level graphic design job, I took it, and then that job led to something a little more prestigious, and that's where I find myself today. Now all my actual work experience is in graphic design so I find it increasingly harder to consider the possibility of being able to "break away" to something else the older I get and the more long-term commitments I make. Graphic design is something I've found that I "can" do, but am just finding out that it's not really what I "want" to do.

VanishingSpy - That's too bad because your graphics work is very good, as anyone who looks at the May issue of the WF Newsletter can see.

Perhaps the secret is in that all-important entry-level opportunity. In my case it was the acceptance by the two local newspapers of my articles. That's pure bottom rung, and that's the best place to start. Once you have a foot on the ladder, all you have to do is climb.

Perhaps there's a way to make writing part of what you do now, the way that photography has always been a part of my writing. Words and pictures belong together. They are two ways of telling the same story. The best ad campaigns are those that combine the two. Flip through any issue of New Yorker and you'll see how that works.