Thread: A question about criticism.

I like to ask questions. And I like reading all kinds of answers.

My question is this:

Do you find that as you get older, criticism becomes easier to take or more frustrating? Is age a factor at all? Does it vary with certain periods in your life?

There is no right or wrong answer to this question. I think this is valuable question, not only because it is related to the experience of writing and receiving criticism, but, also, this is the type of thing that applies to people in all walks of life, and it is something which you can ultimately end up using in a story.

I think looking back on those later teen years and early twenties, criticism is not something many of us are receptive to. Alot of teens are determined to tred their own paths and do things their own way. At least that was how I was as a teen. But I did not actually find criticism frustrating as a teen, because I generally dismissed it. Looking farther back into my pre-teens and early teens, I think I was more open to criticism and suggestions. And I think you feel more comfortable being wrong then because you are still developing and there is less pressure on you to be right and to produce. That childhood mindset is pretty ideal, I think, when it comes to writing, but it is not an easy one to maintain.

I am in my thirties now, so I am not so old. But it seems to me that right now the answer for me is kind of paradoxical. On the one hand, I think adults have enough wisdom to see that criticism is worthwhile. On the otherhand, adults are more used to being autonomous and do not like being told how to do things. So, really, I cannot decide if criticism has become easier or harder to take with age. In some ways, it has become easier. In other ways, it has become more frustrating.

It is hard to be objective about it. I am sixty six, but I don't feel different inside from being sixteen. On the other hand I know that I am, it's just that there was no point where it changed, it was a gradual process. Then there is criticism and criticism, not only negative and positive but also the people giving it tend to change, young people are more careful criticising someone my age on the whole, and older people have often learned a little tact by the time they are my age where they might have been more caustic as youngsters.

Of course a lot of people become set in their ways as they get older and completely unable to accept new ideas, personally I am not sure that this has anything to do with their actual chronological age, some people are middle aged before they leave school, on the other hand I do treasure the odd occasion when some one reads something I have written and makes a comment such as "I never know what you will come out with next" or "You have a knack of thinking outside the box". I do hope I don't ever lose that ability to see another point of view, and after all accepting criticism is really only the ability to accept anther's point of view.

I've found criticism much easier to take as I get older (I'm 35) but, paradoxically I also trust criticism far less.

What makes criticism both easier to take and less valid for me is that as I get older it gets easier to cut criticism into more categories than just "negative/constructive". There are criticisms that are intended to support, analyze or undermine either the form, content or aesthetic of a work. I like these criticisms. Then there are the back-patters who (usually for politeness, but often not dishonestly) simply compliment. These aren't "useful" but they're encouraging and important - we need fuel. But, then we get into the droves and droves of useless criticism. People who don't know what they're talking about. People who criticize with nothing but mockery or insult. People who criticize something that is not a problem, or under the current microscope. People who want to argue (good god there's a lot of these). People who stick to a single criticism to prove its poor quality, and ignore the flow.

Generally, I look for instant reactions and soundboard opportunities from most, and then have a select few people that I know I can actually expect "criticism" from. As far as taking criticisms, I don't ever feel the need to defend my work, and recognize quickly when it would be useless to question or mine for criticisms. If somebody says that something stunk to the sky of stupidity, for all the actual critical information it provides, I'm content with that and know better than asking for details. If details aren't in the mouth, they're probably not in the mind.