Thread: help needed

I'm working on another short story and I need help. I was advised to change the ending because it's too dark, I can't think of an alternate ending.

Not believing in the stories of the cursed Ouiji board, a girl from a long line of witches uses it to deal with the grief of her mother's death from a car crash. Gradually she experiences strange events; bed shaking, hearing voices, feeling a presence around her, and dreams of being in hell. The events leading to her to attempt suicide to escape the misery. Her plans of driving off the bridge was ruined when her mothers spirit created a force of wind to pushed her out of the car seconds before going over the bridge. As she layed on the ground unconcious she dreamed of seeing her mother and instantly knew the curse has been lifted. Her mother sacraficed herself for her daughters safty to spend forever in hell.

It wasn't my intention for it to end this way, usually I perfer happy endings but I tried to make it intresting as possible so that's all I could up with.

I would like suggestions or comments, good or bad.
Please forgive me for writing poorly, I'm working on it.

Dark/Uplifting is all in the framing, and why can't a story have a dark ending anyway? But, back to the framing, I think that if you focus on the sacrifice and its source (ie. love) the ending won't be so dark. If I might be bold enough to commend on parts that aren't the ending: I wonder how it would work out if she sees her mother, thought not in dreaming but just in a dream-like way (a vision, but one she's awake for). The wind stopping her from going over the bridge seems a little... I don't know. A gust of wind that could stop a car in motion would probably take the bridge with it. I how it would be if she tried to commit suicide within the house, while being tormented by this presence, and is then saved/redeemed by her mother. Cool idea though Is this a plan for a story or a summary of an already written story?

It's a plan, i haven't written it yet. I'm going to give your idea a try, im going to write it today. curious, How do readers feel about dark endings?

thanks for your help.

I quite like the ending. For me it leaves the option for a sequel; saving the mother.

I always recall the negative endings more than the good ones. I only saw one episode (tv) of supernatural, but it was the last one of the season. The end of the episode showed the heroes being wiped out, likely dead. I thought 'awesome, what a kick in the pants'. Other authors add realism into their stories like this, Robbin Hobb is a good example (fantasy genre). Anytime something good happens, there's a negative consequence, and the hero suffers from his efforts at helping others. This makes a story 'real' rather than the usual 'happy little elves living happily ever after' stories. I hate stories where I can detach because I know that it's all going to work out in the end. "So what if the hero is being shot at, none ever hit him".

Thanks. That's what I thought too after I wrote it. My uncle, ( I go to him for opinions because no one is intrested in my writings, their either not helpful or don't won't any part of it, no support system), but he said its going too dark too fast, light it up, its unrelatable, ect. I'm glad you think so.

Hi kay,
Writing is all about perspective and audience. Are you writing a story you feel passionate about or are you just trying to dredge up some commercial response to make money? The answer helps to determine how to approach things. Yes, your uncle is (superficially) correct - the greater public relates more to happy endings. But there are many of us who prefer truth, surprise, plot twists...I love the dark ending. Why does the good guy have to win?

I think a lot of writers have been asking that question. One interesting turn of events I've noticed is in horror films. Writers are letting their main character save the day, giving the happy ending we all want, but then there's some small twist that leaves the audience in a darker place. I'm thinking of "30 Days of Night" where Josh Hartnett (sp?) kills the vampires but becomes one himself, and kills himself in the end. There's also "Silent Hill" - mom saves her daughter and the spirit of the girl possessed in her daughter, but they both die in the process and the movie ends with dad sitting on the couch across from their ghosts, but they can't see each other. Kind of surreal.

Sensible? Who cares? The point is, anything can happen in writing. Who says there has to be happy ending? Only you!

And I also wanted to express my dismay at your small, or nonexistent writing support group. I sympathize. I hope you find some camaraderie here with us. I've only been here like a month and I love all the interaction and communication already. The moderators are smart, insightful and helpful writers and the members are supportive, collaborative and interesting. All skill levels and ideas are welcome here and I feel at ease here. Good luck with your story!

Thanks for that. To answer your question, to be honest, I do want to make money for my books but that's not the main reason, I like to write and I want the readers to feel a connection with the stories and the characters; I can't explain it but its more than the money. I want the readers to feel as I feel when I read a good story; I become emotionally involved. I hope that makes sense and answers your question.

Kay Hall,

In my opinion the ending is good. Don't change it, and tell anyone who says different to shove off.

Hey Kay,

I'm sorry you have so little support with your everyday people, I'm in the same boat but coming to places like this and throwing a thought or problem out is helpful to me. I hope it is to you as well.

On the tone of the ending being dark, I actually find it strangely uplifting. Yes you're dealing with the topic of suicide and tortured spirits but when I read the ending of the synopsis, my first thought was how beautiful it was. Its been said before that for most people, no one will ever love us more than our mother; what could possibly show a stronger love between mother and child than a mother sacraficing her eternal soul to preserve her child's? I think its powerful and frightening; I'm sure your main character feels guilt b/c of the sacrafice but ultimately she can take comfort in how fully and truely her mother loved her.

Good luck to you

Hey, Kay!

I go for happy endings myself. And I think a lot of people who reads do so to escape and would like a happy ending. HOWEVER, if the ending is really good no matter it's an unhappy one, but a meaningful, well-written one that makes people think, look into themselves, and understand why it had to end the way it did (u have to ensure the build up of the story towards the end is effective - nice challenge there), I think you can have a great story.

Maybe, just a suggestion you can make that instead of writing how, "Her mother sacraficed herself for her daughters safty to spend forever in hell." you can alternatively write a heart felt description of a mother's love for her daughter was so great she crossed the realm that separates our world and the other to save her daughter, that a selfless sacrifice bore the approval of the Heavens that it sang a love song that reached the corners of darkened hearts.

Or, not. Anyway, that was just an idea.

So, all the best with what you have planned and hope that it'll turn out better than you expected.