Thread: True Crime...I am too close to do this?

hello all,
I am new to writing for any other purpose than my own interest. I have been asked by my sister to write about the beating death of my 2 yr old nephew by his babysitter. I have done much research and have recently begun corresponding with the man in jail for this crime in order to get answers for inconsistencies in the investigation. It has become rather difficult emotionally. Have any of you ever had an experience such as this where an emotional reaction causes you to be unable to put words down? If so, how do you get past it? I have thought about reaching out to find a writing partner for this project. Any advice on a writing partner? Any insight would be greatly appreciated.
Thank You

That's a very tough one Frankie. I would assume that your sister is the child's mother, I would ask yourself a couple of questions, first of all if you are new to writing, is this really the subject you want start with. Secondly, is there a reason why your sister would want this recorded? I'm not sure I see the therapy aspect of it, except to dwell on extremely raw subject?

If you are intent on going ahead with this I would recommend you sit on the research for awhile, until you are able to remove yourself from the content. I will add, and please don't take this the wrong way, that it seems a bit bizarre that you would correspond with the man who killed your 2 year old nephew.

Wow, this is a tough one and my heart goes out to your sister, such a terrible thing to happen you your child. I wonder why she wants you to write the story. Like MJ Preston, it does seem strange that you are corresponding with this man and starting to look at inconsistencies. It must be quite painful to go through the whole case in this way and keep going over what was done to your nephew.

I don't know when this happened but if recently, I think you need to give it time before you start writing. Grief can get in the way of reasoning.

I'd firstly suggest that you don't get caught up on inconsistencies. For someone to have committed a crime like this, they go through their own 'grieving' process. They try to find where they stand with their new world.. perhaps 'outlook' is the right word. Before, they weren't killers, now they suddenly are. And they have to rationalise their position in terms of why they acted a certain way and what it means for them; and whether that act defines them and what they are capable of in the future.

Without knowing too much about your situation, or going into too much detail, you may find that this man has altered his perceptions on his actions in order to stay 'true to himself'. Meaning, that he doesn't see himself as a bad person, so he's tried to find 'excuses' for why he did certain things. The process of this provokes the mind into misremembering details.. thus allowing him to hold onto a better self-perception. And this is likely where your inconsistencies lie.


Regarding your sisters desire for you to write about this, I'd question her motivation. I'm not about to list the vast array of "If 'this' then it means 'that'" scenarios. But be careful with this, especially regarding her reasons for wanting to read the completed work. Query her on whether she wants to know the man or how it happened, keeping in mind that she may have other reasons.


Staying detached when writing is hard for some people. If you detach too much, you lose a sense of realism. If you get too involved, you run the risk of making things sound far worse (or better) than what really happened. There's a middle ground that you need to find. I've never really had a problem with detaching myself from other peoples' situations, but how/why this happens is a little beyond me. The best advice I can give is to 'just let it go'. Which is another way of saying, whenever you feel yourself getting caught up in the events, just stop caring.. which I know is far easier said than done.

I think it may help to explain that people do have control over their emotions. They choose to feel happy or sad, or anything besides. Generally, they just let emotions happen as they will, but if you pay attention to them, you are quite capable of being happy during the most miserable of events. Think of a quote from the dalai lama "I am as happy as I want to be". A number of philosophers have made similar claims, but the message is that your thoughts dictate your emotions.

When I say 'own your feelings', I don't mean feel them through and through.. I mean, take charge of them, rather than having them own you.

I was taught this way to break those emotional ties.

to practice, write about someone you love, but in a hateful way. your mom/dad/lover/friend. it has to be someone you care for very much. the idea is to push past the uncomfortable words/feelings. love/hate are basically the same strength of emotion, if you can write one, you can write another. i did this with my mother whom I care for very much, it is hard at first, but that's only the your attachment, you have to disregard that, write in the discomfort zone until it becomes comfortable for you, and then you'll write it better, still with emotions, but not over-powering-so.

Sync

sync

Thank you for your replies. I know the situation sounds quite bizarre. Here is a little more background. This is not a fresh event, it happened in 2003. Since the day it happened there was reason to believe that this man's wife actually killed my nephew and that he protected her. After he confessed the next day the police stopped investigating. He pled no contest and that was it. My sister at that point had a complete breakdown, she doesn't remember hardly any part of that time in her life. She questions whether there could have been something that she missed that could have got either the real killer or this guy more than just 15 years for first degree homicide. I have corresponded with this man only because our family was informed that Project Innocence is getting involved, and if you know their reputation, they only take on cases they think they can get overturned. If he is truly innocent, well who knows. Small towns talk and his wife has been accused of abusing the children now in her care. BTW: I am writing quite a bit on the happy little guy and his love of monster trucks and Scooby Doo as well. The happy stuff seems to be quite easy to write.

Thank you for the writing tips, I will be trying the method you mentioned. I will try to write about those I love in a hostile manner and may even try writing lovingly about a couple cheating exhusbands!

I have written before, magazine and newspaper articles only though. I guess my line of thinking was that if I chose something that meant a lot to me I would be more apt to pour heart and soul into it. I am also doing a project on a Medal of Honor recipient in my family and working with the State Veteran's Museum to get an exhibit up and running

Originally Posted by frankiefromwisconsin

I will try to write about those I love in a hostile manner and may even try writing lovingly about a couple cheating exhusbands!

I'd advise against this.. you'll end up tainting your relationship with those you care about. You're better off writing about a subject that affects you, but isn't close to you. Write a story about a starving kid that doesn't survive, or a cancer patient that the doctors misdiagnose.. try something that is in an area that you don't have connections with. The last thing you want is to have flashes of your writing/imaginings pop up when you're with those you care about.

And thanks for the extra details, but it leaves me wondering what motivations the man has of agreeing to the story. My mind initially moves to wondering whether he thinks he can lie to you about the specifics, or he's looking for the truth to get out so he can leave prison. You'll either end up with a story that has a lot of 'plot holes' or one that's very good, but leads to the mans freedom (if that's a bad thing).

It might serve you some good to ask the man for an honest answer. Tell him you'd like the truth from him, and you can either publish it as a true story, or as a piece of fiction (like an alternative ending to a real life story) at his discretion. If anything, he'll (on some level) love the idea of people knowing about his sacrifice. Of course, this is assuming he's innocent.

Originally Posted by KrisMunro

I'd advise against this.. you'll end up tainting your relationship with those you care about. .

are you kidding me? it's an exercise in writing not a hate-bashing, an exercise to push beyond.

tainting your relationship? if it can be tainted by that, it was prior.

Sync

Originally Posted by Sync

are you kidding me? it's an exercise in writing not a hate-bashing, an exercise to push beyond.

tainting your relationship? if it can be tainted by that, it was prior.

Sync

People react to things in different ways. That you can write about something like this, doesn't mean that others should be able to; or that they're relationships are poor if they cant.
Not everyone is exactly like you...

I am aware of that, but the poster was asking how to write beyond the emotions. Since they are already a writer, I can only assume they can write easily about other topics and pains to people they don't know. But this is about someone they do know.

As I said before. I think the mother should write it, someone else edit it, but still, they have to be able to look at the 'writing' not the story when they do.

lol @ writing exactly like me, gawd I would hope not, everyone writing the same, where's the enjoyment in that.

It's not an exercise I've ever tried but an interesting one to explore going beyond your comfort zone and making yourself and the other person characters - in a way taking a step back and flipping the relationship on its head.

At a writing class we once had to do an exercise where we had to select someone we didn't like or were angry with for some reason and writing as if we were that person on the receiving end of the anger/hatred. It was quite an eye opener and made me aware of how different people's perceptions are to how you see a situation and how unaware we are of the reasons people react as they do - the baggage they bring to any interaction.

The first time this writer mentioned it to me, I said the same thing, Shadow, because I care for my mother, and the first attempt I made he sent back and told me to let go more because I was still harbouring feelings. It was not until I learnt to let go of those feelings, that I was free to walk inside the mind of a killer to get their pov.

I didn't like writing that piece about my mom but it taught me to break that comfort zone. I imagine what you tried was very interesting and along the same principle.

I can imagine it must have been hard to do especially with your mother - we tend to want to sit nice and cosy in our comfort zones. I know I hate going outside mine. It carries too much fear but well done for beating that and taking on the challenge.

Frankie, there are lots of ways to do this. Find one that works for you. Without looking back I don't know, but whose pov will you be writing in? Or will you write them all?

It might serve you some good to ask the man for an honest answer. Tell him you'd like the truth from him, and you can either publish it as a true story, or as a piece of fiction (like an alternative ending to a real life story) at his discretion. If anything, he'll (on some level) love the idea of people knowing about his sacrifice. Of course, this is assuming he's innocent.

If the man is protecting his wife and was willing to go to prison for her, I doubt that he would now confess to the truth unless his love for her has changed/turned to hate.

Frankie

I would tread cautiously. If your sister had a breakdown over the murder, looking into the murder now might bring to the surface those memories she has buried