Thread: Leave it out or include it?

I’m just tossing this around. Ultimately I guess I’m the one who has to decide, but even so I thought it might be interesting to hear what you have to say.

I don’t know whether or not to include a certain passage in my story.

The experts tell us, if something doesn’t move a story forward, leave it out.

In its most basic form, my story’s about a male story-teller. His audience, as my story unfolds, is just one person, a female.

Now, before we get to the story-telling, obviously they have to know each other. I can have them meet just by chance, or I can have this guy in a rebound situation after his previous girlfriend walked out.

If I go with the rebound scenario, it means I’ll have to write about how the break-up was the cause of him meeting the second woman. But that doesn’t really have anything to do with the main story, which, in detail, is about subconscious forces acting to bring the story-teller and the second woman together. On the other hand, it does make the circumstances of meeting the second woman more "filled out", more natural.

As I remarked, the experts tell us that if something doesn’t move the story forward, leave it out. The main story is about subconscious forces involving the second woman, and the earlier break-up is purely a side issue. So should I leave it out?

This post was triggered by me realising that as I originally wrote it, the guy is a bit of a villain with the first woman and a hero with the second. I saw problems there, thought of just dropping the first bit, and here we are.

If it helps, it’s a short story. In the longer form, it’s probably around 4000 words.

Perhaps you could say 'If something doesn't move the reader forward,' but I'm not convinced the experts are always right anyway. What about moving the story sideways a bit?

Anyway...

From your post it seems you are more taken with the rebound scenario, maybe because you've put more thought into it, or it suits your tale more. Though you're concerned at stagnating by having to fill the reader in. It sounds as if the second woman's subconscious thoughts are most important, so I can't help wondering why you need to have the man an ex-villain and so having to explain his past to the reader in order to do this. I imagine the tale will be from the second woman's POV anyway and the man, apart from his dialogue, will be a bit-parter.

It sounds simpler to me to have them meeting by chance. Couldn't he still be on the rebound, even though he meets her by chance?

If the story is about the subconscious forces at work then the story teller's former relationship would have affected his subconscious, right? So does that not move the story forward to tell the reader about it?

Plus, you're saying that the 'side bit' about the other woman contributes some characterization that won't happen otherwise in a 4000 word story.

At the end of the day if you read it over and the 'side bit' seems cumbersome or boring but still important to the story, you should find a different way to include it unless you find that you consider it valueless after all.

Only 4000 words...? Then leave it in. Later when you are doing your final edit you can change or delete it, if it doesn't move you.

It sounds like the scene is more than just background in your mind; the way you describe it, it seems to form an ironic underpinning to your tale that would make the reading of it more entertaining.

Originally Posted by The Backward OX

Originally Posted by The Backward OX

Now, before we get to the story-telling, obviously they have to know each other. I can have them meet just by chance, or I can have this guy in a rebound situation after his previous girlfriend walked out.

If I go with the rebound scenario, it means I’ll have to write about how the break-up was the cause of him meeting the second woman. But that doesn’t really have anything to do with the main story, which, in detail, is about subconscious forces acting to bring the story-teller and the second woman together. On the other hand, it does make the circumstances of meeting the second woman more "filled out", more natural.

Couldn't he meet her by chance and still consider her a rebound? Good things can happen out of bad situations. The rebound scenario sounds like it will reveal more character. Just because it's a rebound situation, doesn't mean the second woman will end up being a rebound. He could end up genuinely liking her and perhaps putting things off until he gets over his previous girlfriend or the girl could be fully aware of his situation and be open to whatever happens etc. I'd say keep it in. Work around it later.

It sounds to me like it's part of what creates the emotional setting for the story. Does it literally move the story forward? If you say it doesn't I guess not. But on the other hand, does it influence the story? Does it contribute to the story? Perhaps it's a prologue, perhaps it needs to be told as briefly as possible, or not at all, only you know. However, a person is the product of his past, and you need to pick the past that suits your characters and story.

I think the question here is that these are two different stories you are talking about, so which one is it you want to write?

Originally Posted by The Backward OX

If I go with the rebound scenario, it means I’ll have to write about how the break-up was the cause of him meeting the second woman.

Your characters are in charge of the story, and their background is what it is.

One inference of that rule you posted is that backgrounds don't always need to be explained. If you decide that the two are in a loose relationship, it should show in their treatments and appraisals of each other. Treat the characters as though they have a specific relationship to each other, and the reader should get a sense of it. Right?