Thread: Writing the Opposite Sex

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From "As Good As It Gets" - Jack Nicholson

Secretary: How do you write women so well?
Melvin Udall: I think of a man, and I take away reason and accountability.

I'm writing a male MC for my novel. I think I do okay... I'm not the girliest of girls. Every now and then I'll trip up, but I have a male readership who I can consult.

You wouldn't want to write a simpering girl. You could write a pretty cool chick though, I'm sure. And when you're unsure how to have her act, ask a girl.

Funny, Rob. I've got a more logical suggestion: Cross dress (It worked pretty well for Hilary Swank.) for two months and read only women's fiction, chick lit, and Harlequin romances. Works great, I promise.

If you're a girl, just substitute thrillers, manuals and porn for the three genres above.

Just make up women who are the way you want women to be. Like romance writers do.

(The romance convention of not wearing shirts could also be used to advantage)

I think one mistake might be trying too hard to write men and women differently. I think there are a few differences that might be reflected. Women often, but not always, are more willing to communicate how they feel. I use that in dialog sometimes. And they are more likely to show their emotions. That women tend to grieve more openly would be an example of that.

You might consider those things to be stereotypical, and they are to a degree. So I think you have to use them with caution, and not go overboard.

A lot of what I write about women comes from observation. Here’s an example: I’ve noticed women, when they meet or talk to small children are more likely to squat or bend over to speak with them. That reflects the more nurturing side of women. I used that as a bit of action in one of my stories. Who knows if anyone would pick up on that. But maybe those things add up and lead to a more accurate portrayal.

Otherwise, I think that a lot of the differences as portrayed in pop-psychology and in popular entertainment are greatly exaggerated. I think showing differences subtly is the key.

No, caelum, it's nothing to worry about. Actually, caelum, you should be pulling your hair out

Don't touch the hair!

First, take a deep breath, then let it out slowly...here's the truth...

Men and women ARE different.

(see, I had you let out the breath so you couldn't scream)

But the GOOD news is...you can do this. How can you figure out how to write the opposite sex?

Observation: I'm guessing you have a mother. She's probably not the only woman you've ever seen, either. Observing what women do won't give you the 'why' but it's a start.

Remember that we're females but we're also people: To a certain extent you're right, men and women do share humanity in common. Sometimes that seems to be the only thing we have in common but hang onto that.

There are indeed books that offer insights into the opposite sex: I don't have any suggestions offhand for books about women but I have read two good ones for trying to understand men. One was written as a result of a formal survey...a large group of men (I can't remember how many) were polled on a group of questions and the results were published in the book. Another is the result of a long-time relationship talk show host's career. Have a look around and you can find similar books about how women see the world and differ from men. Ask women what they think to make sure you haven't picked something totally off the wall.

The honest truth about sex: Men sometimes mention that their penis tries to take over their brain and women seem to get a bad rap as not being interested in sex. The truth is, (this is my opinion and seems to be borne out among my friends, too) women do think about sex...quite a lot. We just don't have the testosterone to push us around. We have different hormones that push us around.

Well, it's hard to top a point about sex. I'll come back later and see if I have more to add. :p

This is an interesting discussion... I have always found male characters easier than female characters, even though I am a girl myself. The reason is a mystery to me, but I am not able to make interesting female characters. Actually, I have never found any female character interesting... In my novel-in-progress, both of the main characters are men. Then again I do not intentionally go and create a character who IS A MAN. I just create a character who happens to be male. And I just make a lot more male than female characters. I do not find it tricky at all. I've been wondering about it a lot, though.

So, well, I can only say what Like a Fox said earlier;

And when you're unsure how to have her act, ask a girl.

Same here. I just find female characters a lot more fun. And of course, they're females I'd love to know. The Pygmalion impulse, I suppose.

Of course, they probably lack the deep intricacies the female psyche is reputed to entertain, but I'm a shallow guy anyway, so I don't care. As long as they look good, are funny, and kick ass, I'm happy.

Remember that most people at the top end of the autistic spectrum are men and most men are somewhere on the spectrum (the first is a confirmable observation the second is a personal one), then write as though you are not.

Uh, yeah. Okay.

I just find female characters a lot more fun. And of course, they're females I'd love to know.

Amen to that. My male characters are males I would like to know personally.
But then again, when someone thinks like that, they might make a character that is annoyingly perfect.

Well. I do not like "perfect" people anyway.

Tell ya what... here's Dancy Russell, whattaya think? One more typical beautiful kidnap victim?

http://linrobinson.com/damnedlove/?p=23
http://linrobinson.com/damnedlove/?p=27

Had one of those nights late last night basically soliloquy writing. So, here I address the OP without the stray.

Originally Posted by Caelum

I'm developing a female heroine of sorts, but I'm worried that I won't be able to empathize her well. Do the sexes really behave so different?

I think this is an interesting perspective:

"If I am going to write like “a woman,” maybe I should avoid thinking of her – first and foremost — as a woman. She is a human being. A mother in North Carolina might have more in common with a male Eskimo than another mother down the block. Maybe the mother and the Eskimo both have phobias about snakes, or both had a controlling father! I can delve into a female’s character motivation and emotional state without even thinking about her gender. Wouldn’t this be the best way to make a female character three-dimensional?"

http://www.citizenofthemonth.com/200...ay-a-question/

here's Dancy Russell, whattaya think?

Oh what do I think of her, lin? I think she is just as you described; goodlooking, funny and she kicks ass!