Same Cover Letters - Writers Forum

ChrisL · 03-27-2006, 08:24 PM

There's a thread right below this on this topic, but that seems more geared towards discussing the merits of cover letters and the stinginess of the New Yorker.

I just want feedback!

Though a published journalist (I'm proud of my work, but 1-it was volunteer, 2-it's not related to my short-story writing) I've yet to be published as a short-story writer. THUS, I'm a bit nervous about sending out my first short story to a lit mag, and drafting a cover letter.

Can anyone just hold my hand, pat my head, and let me know if this is what a cover letter should look like? (And specifically, mention my journalism if it isn't immediately relevant to the piece?)

Thanks!

Chris

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V1
Dear Editors

I’m sending you my short story, “The German, or, The Butcher, or, My Third-Worst Hitchhiking Experience Ever”, to be considered for [your publication]. It’s a simple story of traveling through Europe that I believe falls within the style and theme of your publication and your readers will enjoy. It is approximately 2200 words long.

A recovering teacher, I am expanding my resumé from being a journalist for [local weekly paper] and writing short stories.

Enclosed is a SASE. I look forward to hearing from you shortly.

Thank you,

-C
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V2

Dear Editors,

I am sending you a my short story, "The German, or, The Butcher, or My Third-Worst Hitchhiking Story Ever" for you to consider for your publication. Based on what I've read in the pages of [your mag], I think the 2200-word tale should fit nicely and appeal to your readers.

Previously published as a journalist for the Seattle weekly newspaper "Real Change", I now am aspiring to the field of short stories.

Thank you and I hope to hear from you soon,

-C

mammamaia · 03-28-2006, 07:46 PM

sorry, but neither one would impress me if it crossed my desk... here's why:

Quote:

Dear Editors[never send generic letters... they get dumped or relegated to the bottom of the piles... always address letter to the appropriate editor by name]

I’m sending you [unless you're not enclosing it, this makes no sense... 'Enclosed, please find' is the time-honored opening, but i don't know if it's still used nowadays... it's short, to the point, and works, which is what counts] my short story, “The German, or, The Butcher, or, My Third-Worst Hitchhiking Experience Ever”, [too many commas in wrong places, improper capitalization and other punctuation, and way too long a title, if it's all the title and you're not presenting 3 alternatives, which would be even sillier... if it IS a selection of 3 title choices, each must be in ""... but you shouldn't be wishy-washy on the title of your own story]to be considered for [your publication]['for your consideration' is simpler and better... makes no sense to mention the mag's name, since you should be sending this letter to its editor]. It’s a simple story of traveling through Europe that I believe falls within the style and theme of your publication [stating the obvious... if it didn't, you shouldn't be submitting it to them] and your readers will enjoy.[never predict your work will be enjoyed or otherwise tout it... the furthest it's ok to go is, 'your readers may find of interest'... you must leave it up to the editor to form their own opinion... new writers who brag about their work are standard laughing stocks] Word count is approximately 2,200 words long.[delete]

A recovering teacher,[ill-advised humor... delete] I am expanding my resumé from being a journalist for [local weekly paper] and writing short stories.[makes no sense... what does your resume have to do with anything?... just state that you have been writing for a local weekly paper and leave it at that... do not call yourself a 'journalist' if you haven't been paid for your work or mention that it's been as a 'volunteer' and don't mention writing short stories if you haven't sold any]

Enclosed is an [we say/read this as letters (s-a-s-e), not a word (sayce), so must be 'an ess' not 'a ess'] SASE. I look forward to hearing from you shortly.['at your earliest convenience' is better and less pushy]

Thank you,[for what?... unless thanking them for considering your work, this is meaningless... for a closing, one of the standards is best... such as: 'sincerely/respectfully/et al.']

Quote:

Dear Editors, [ditto above]

I am sending you a my short story, "The German, or, The Butcher, or My Third-Worst Hitchhiking Story Ever" for you to consider for your publication. Based on what I've read in the pages of [your mag], I think the 2200-word tale should fit nicely and appeal to your readers.[ditto all above... 'appeal to' is better than your first version]

Previously published as a journalist for the Seattle weekly newspaper "Real Change", [ditto above re claiming status you don't really have... keep it simple... if you wrote columns, say so... if you contributed news items, say that... if all you had in there were letters to the editor, don't mention it at all] I now am aspiring to the field of short stories.[silly... it's obvious, since you're submitting one, right?...just mention what you have done, not what you will do or want to do]

Thank you [ditto above re for what?] and I hope to hear from you soon,[better than other version... if sase enclosed, you don't have to mention it, but it must be added under sig as 'enc:']

hope this helps some... sorry for being so tough on you, but those you send queries to will be even tougher and won't give you a chance to get it right... love and hugs, maia