Thread: What is your answer?

I was having a snack with my niece today, and we were talking about school, boys, shopping... the average stuff, when she asked me such a random question. I had a hard time answering it, but it seemed like something she had been thinking about for awhile herself.

Her question:
People say that we learn from our mistakes. So how come we're always so scared to make them?

My answer:
We're afraid to make mistakes because we don't want to go through the pain they cause. Whether we hurt ourselves or someone else in the process, it's hard to deal with the fact that we've done something wrong. If we learn from that mistake, it still doesn't make living it any easier, so that's why we're scared. If at the end, you learned from it, it doesn't necessarily mean we're happy about what we did. Right?

I think I confused the heck out of her, but it was the best I could come up with.

How would you answer that to a 15-year-old?

I would've said the same, though I know I'd make it more difficult to explain than it already is; I have a tendency to do that. I think you handled the question well.

Thanks... I thought maybe it was a little confusing... seeing as I didn't really know the answer... I just tried to BS my way through it, and hope it sounded like a good thing to say... Lol

I would answer that there are some mistakes that you SHOULD be afraid of making. There are certain mistakes that have consequences you can't move on from.

Dream... that is absoluelty true... I never even thought of that...

We've had the discussions around most of that teenage stuff... so she knows better than making a lot of the mistakes teens make today... OR... at least I hope she means it when she say's she understands my rants about drugs and alcohol. ;0)

You know, regardless of what people say, not everyone learns from their mistakes. That's why you have to be smart, and I think your niece is smart for asking a question like that. And don't worry, I think you gave her a really good answer.

because learning isn't always a pleasant experience. as a matter of fact, the majority of "learning experiences" not taught
scholastically are lessons taught through pain, suffering, and discomfort. we do something that hurts in one way or another and learn
"damn...i'm not doing that no more". so yeah. learning is many times a process we don't want to go through.

You can also learn from the mistakes of others, from a safe distance of course.

You can also learn from the mistakes of others, from a safe distance of course.

This is the way I've learned. People may say I'm not a risk-taker because of that, but I think there's a big difference between risk-taking and mistake-making.

Sounds to me like you did well for an off-the-cuff answer. Wonder why she was thinking about that...there might have been a specific mistake she had in mind, even.

Yeah. Sometimes she clams up when you ask her what is going on. She comes to talk to me in her own time... so hopefully if there was anything to it, she'll come talk to me about it. ;0)

So how come we're always so scared to make them?

...because mistakes can be painful or costly and sometimes they can even make us look stupid in front of our friends.

There are much better ways of learning, like school and listening to good advice from Sunny (smile)

Cheers and well done,

Ian

I don’t know if people fear making mistakes as much as simply fearing the unknown. One cannot quantify a mistake – it’s a non-thing. It isn’t really possible to be frightened of nothing.

But the unknown, while it’s still a type of non-thing, is perhaps a bit easier - in the minds of the impressionable – to quantify. Sailors back in the early days believed Earth was flat, believed that if they ventured too far from what they knew, they would sail off the edge of Earth. The edges of their maps were adorned with pictures of mythical beasts and the words “Beyond this place there be dragons.” They had images to work with, to fuel their fears.

Why not ask your niece exactly what frightens her, and if it’s an irrational fear, work on unravelling that? Or if it’s something rational that frightens her, why not figure out a plan that shows her how to take one step at a time in dealing with it?

I don't know too many people that "like" to screw up. In fact, a lot of people are embarrassed to do so. They don't want to look stupid or incompetent. And then you have to factor in the consequences, like everyone else has mentioned. I know a few people (my significant other, for example) who can't seem to make a simple decision because they're afraid of either what they'll miss out on, or what they'll have to deal with as a result of said choice. (It's very irritating.)

I tend to dive into things, come what may, and as a result, I make mistakes as I go. I don't like to screw up, but it's pretty rare for me to make the same mistake twice (although it does happen). My dad once put it pretty well, when he described my approach to new situations. "You're a little reckless, but at least you're not afraid to learn."

People say that we learn from our mistakes. So how come we're always so scared to make them?

Because there is always a certain element who will use the opportunity to mock us. The trick is to see the negativity of this which leads to embarrassment and prevents us learning, there is no need to be embarrassed if we are genuine, and those who try to make us so are to be despised.