Thread: Is this a mean/shallow thing to say?

I was talking to my brother about a pair of girls we saw at school. I always thought those girls were really beautiful and he would be interested in them. But when he saw them he was like, "Really? I am insulted that you think I would be attracted to someone like that."

So of course I was really surprised. I mean these girls are not perfect tens but they're really cute, I think. The thing is, I have now realized that my brother is only interested in perfect tens.

Also, these girls were Arab. So when I asked him what he thought about Arab girls in general he was like, "I don't think they're attractive at all."

It's hard not to be hurt by something like that. I mean, I know everyone is entitled to their opinions, but my God. It seriously crushed my self esteem.

What do you guys think? Is this a mean/shallow thing to say, or is it okay for him to say and think stuff like that?

I think Arab girls are hot.

Just sayin'

And yeah, he could have chosen his words a bit better. But, he was being honest. It's his personal opinion, and opinions vary from person to person.

Lol, thanks Kyle. That's not really what upsets me. I've never had low self confidence, but jeez, when he just said it straight out like that...I was crushed. And mad. I can not believe I'm related to such a shallow person. It's just one of the many things that makes me and my brother so different.

Well I don't think that we can come right out and condemn him because he's your brother, but, you know, what an arse.

Perhaps you should bring it up some time; it's entirely possible that he merely misspoke. But if that's what he meant then he's expressing his opinion, but yes, rather shallow at that.

Thinking only about looks is a bit shallow, but interestingly, it happens in nature, too.

I was watching a special about the colorful birds of New Guinea last night, and the males spend all their time puffing out their feathers and dancing, trying to impress the females. The females only mate with the most beautiful males (those shallow sluts!).

As far as human males go, I believe our preferences for what we find attractive is as much nature as it is nurture.. and the "nurture" in this case, is societal, and cultural.

What's viewed as attractive changes drastically between ethnicities and regions.. and even, between individuals. Even age changes things! I used to hate tomatoes as a child. Now I love them.

Perhaps, though, you were misunderstanding him, and he was saying something of a different subtext. "attracted to someone like that" could mean many things, not just physically.

*shrugs* : )

Perhaps, though I'm pretty sure he meant what he said.

Perhaps you were inadvertently pointing to an incredibly large and hairy man called 'Oppey'?

I wouldn't fret. If he wasn't attracted to them then, well, everybody is turned off by something. Perhaps there was merely something about them; their hair or the way that they were interacting with each other or their height or build, or the fact that they weren't clad in spandex, or whatever.

What got to you more, him saying that or them being Arab? If it was his words then...well yeah, shallow people exist, that doesn't mean that he means bad by it. It if was their race then I highly doubt that he meant it in a racist fashion.

I know he doesn't think ALL Arab chicks are ugly. There was this one Palestinian chick he saw that totally blew his mind. Like I said - a perfect ten. I think what gets to me the most is, for him, it seems like she has to be a perfect ten, or he won't be into her at all. I know it's horrible to say that about my brother, but that's what he makes me think when he acts like that. You know once he actually said, verbatim, "If she's darker than you, I don't want her."

Does personality count for nothing? If he sees an average looking girl, will he not stop to discover the potential there just because she is not perfect?

Eh, I think many of us are shallow like that but we just don't say it quite like that, or we try to have a more open mind about people's looks and nationalities. Some people just like what they like, end of story. Nothing unusual about that, he just had to blurt out his opinion in an unkind way.

True.

Maybe we should ask what he's like out of ten? As a general rule two's end up with two's, seven's with sevens, ten's with ten's, in biological terms.

If he's a ten then it's no different for him to want a perfect ten that for an average five to look for an 'ordinary pretty gal', which wouldn't be looked badly upon at all.

Yeah, my brother's never really been one of the sensitive type. Yes I agree, we're all shallow in our own ways, though I don't know how many of us are shallow to that extent.

so is he a ten? or just a guy with unrealistic expectations? If you want to give him an object lesson, next time you see a girl he thinks would be a perfect ten, say "Why would a girl like that wanna be with you?"

Felix, sorry I didn't see your response.

To answer both alanmt and Felix, my brother is an attractive guy, but then again, people have told me I'm too generous. Then again, lots of people say he's attractive. And I've seen the way some girls act around him - I feel embarrassed for them. So yeah, I'd say he's pretty high on the scale.

EDIT: Again, it's not about whether he's good enough for a ten or if a six or whatever is good enough for him. I just wish he was more open to the possibilities.

Is he a young guy by any chance? I think a lot of guys will go through their teens and their twenties imagining that Wonder Woman is going to swoop down and take him to hot-chick heaven, and that once they're there all they'll do is drink beer, watch sport and have wet T-shirt competitions. I think some guys never stop thinking that.

You know, probably when he does meet the girl of his dreams, she's not going to be wearing spandex- as Felix said- or have her hair strategically styled and blown back by an invisible fan. He might not even like her when he meets her, but as he gets to know her, she'll become a 10 in his eyes. I know it sounds corny, but how often have you been wildly attracted to someone, only to talk to them and find out they're into 'Twilight' or something, versus the times you've overlooked someone because of their appearance- only to later realise that you are, in fact, kindred spirits?

Yes, what he said was shallow and as his sister, you're right to be PO'd with him- in fact it's your job. But I'm sure, in time, he'll surprise you by bringing home a true beauty

Maybe your donkeybackside of a brother will become less of a donkey with time, or maybe not.

But I personally don't see Arab or Asian girls as attractive,the attraction simply isn't there. It doesn't mean I don't see a Arab or Asian woman's worth as human beings, just that I'm not attracted to them. I think half of your brother's problem is that his head is ruled by a little member, and he disrespects the value of women for any other attribute or purpose full stop. He doesn't need to be open for a broader range of possible partners if the attraction isn't there, however he doesn't seem to respect these women for other qualities. He needs to learn that there's more to a female than what his little member tells him.