Thread: How do you handle rejection?

I mean, obviously we all have to handle it at some point, otherwise we'd shrivel up with shame under our beds and die, but I'm interested in hearing how other people deal with it.

I'm referring specifically to work related 'you suck' rejection, but please feel free to interpret this as romance related 'you really suck' rejection as well.

Usually I take a few minutes (sometimes hours) to lick my wounds/ cry in the bathroom and then I pull myself back together and remember that attitude is just as, if not more important than skill and that if I want to succeed, I need to thicken my skin and keep moving, and that at the end of the day, one's brain must rule one's emotions. Sometimes this pep talk actually works.

Any, I'll check for responses when I get back from the bathroom...

It used to really get me when I was younger. When opening an SAE I would get the pounding heart, sweaty palms, shakes etc. and then be on a massive downer the rest of the day. I got a couple of personalised rejections but didn't really understand how useful they were.

Nowadays I submit so much and 'expect' rejection that it doesn't bother me, and the acceptances make up for it (although I've only had 7 acceptances to well over 100 rejections). I'm still disappointed when I get rejected by a 'big' magazine, but one day I'll get in! You just have to keep going and never give up!

I received my first rejection letter from an agent I really wanted, but I didn't cry. I don't cry as much nowadays. It did hurt to be rejected. However, I just shrug my shoulders and keep on writing. I've had many people tell me I sucked at writing, even my own family lol xD. Yes, it hurts and I may have a few teardrops... but I'm so used it to that I automatically go right back to writing, letting go of all those negative thoughts. There are days when I feel so horrible that I cannot write, so I just chill out and relax. Take a walk in the park, read a good book, do something besides thinking about how much you "suck" at something. After a while, I pick myself up and continue what I started.

Hey BubuYugu,

I've read your writing and you don't suck at all. You keep at it.

I view a rejection letter as something to be proud of. The very fact that you're receiving one means you are putting yourself out there, pursuing your goals, and that's a very good thing.

As for rejections themselves, view them as challenges. If an editor writes "you're a terrible writer," read it as "you're a terrible writer. Prove me wrong." Let it motivate you to keep going, to push forward, to prove not only that you can do it, but more importantly, that you have the will to try.

Anyone can write a rejection letter. It takes no skill to do that. What you're doing takes skill, determination, and perserverance. You're doing the real stuff; writing, creating, putting yourself out there. You're the most important part of the equation. Remember that.

Best of luck, Baba!

Aw, thanks guys! I know that everyone, not just on the forum and not just writers, have to deal with the the same feeling at some point in our lives. You present your soul to the world and sometimes the world takes a poo on it. But yeah, you're all right- gotta shake it off and move on.

I'm very proud of the fact that I haven't actually cried at my desk yet. I think it would also just creep the hell out of the developer working next to me. But I think taking a day off from writing to window shop and play Skyrim sounds like a great idea!

I'm usually really good with taking criticism, especially about writing, I don't take it personally and try hard to learn as I go. I think this was just particularly nasty and I wasn't quite mentally prepared for it. Like walking in on a family member mid-coitus but with less of the fun awkwardness afterwards

Seasonal power-fist to all.

Isn't this why writers drink? Tis the season for egg nog.

I've never felt too bad about rejection, but then I usually expect it.

Worse rejection was an agent I was talking to for a good while and she seemed really interested and after a few months she said no, which was very dissapointing. I felt a bit down for a day or so, then I just shrugged it off.

I like to think it was because she was too busy as she closed her agency to submissions while I was talking to her, but either way, it was still dissapointing.

If I'm rejected, I try to be objective and look at it from the other person's point of view. Thankfully, they're almost always wrong.

A rejection letter came in the post two minutes ago, actually. Unfortunately, it was the agency which was my favourite, but thankfully I've never had a 'mean' rejection, and it was very courteous.

Said something along the lines of, 'Thank you for your submission, which we read with interest, and although we did enjoy looking at your material, in the end we did not feel that it was something that wouldn't be suitable for our list.'

While I'm here I'd like to ask whether that kind of thing is a standard rejection or not, because I can never be quite sure.

I knew from the length of it that it was a rejection, so the sinking feeling was buffeted a bit. I said '...Meh' out loud, and now I'm drinking my midday coffee.

All is well, until somebody asks me, and then I'll probably be glum for a few minutes. It's horrible when my girlfriend/mother pull that face and say 'Awh...never mind. I'm sure the next one...'
They're lovely and they do their best, but those words make it so much worse.

Probably a standard, but finding an agent is always going to be tricky!

I don't have to worry about rejection letters anytime soon as I have yet to submit my works anywhere, not until I'm satisfied with how my story turns out. But when I do receive my first rejection letter, I'll 1) buck up and think of whoever rejected it as smart as a bag of hammers, and 2) do what Castle did and have it framed so that whenever I look at it, I get motivated to make my works better.

Castle does that? That's awesome! I've only watched a couple episodes but now I'm more tempted to get into the show.

I haven't really submitted anything yet. I've been too much of a perfectionist and I've been waaay too scared of rejection.

But now for the first time I'm trying to get rid of that fear. The excerpt I just posted today is from the first story that I've promised myself I'll actually finish and submit, no matter what. Without fear. And now I can't wait for a stack of rejections of my own.

= )

Rejection use to bother me more than it does now. Well, that's not really the case, I guess I've just learned how to deal with it better. In the past I would wander around in a funk for days after getting that ugly SASE, snarling at my wife, being grouchy at my day job. Then I realized what I needed was something to soften the disappointment, something to sooth away the anger and resentment. So, about 3 years ago after I received a rejection from a magazine for a short story I'd written, I decided to stop by the local animal shelter and adopt a puppy. It is amazing how well that worked to bring me back to my typical jovial self. In no time at all I was filled with warmth and optimism, the day seemed brighter and the future less bleak. Now, every time I see that familiar looking envelope in the mail box I make a trip to the shelter and adopt another homeless dog, or cat.

One word of advice for anyone thinking about trying this method of recovery, don't wear cleated boots when you stomp the animal, the cleats are a bitch to clean.

Rejection coming from anywhere or anyone sucks. Especially on something we've worked so hard on, thinking it's the best piece of fiction ever. You'd have to think it was perfect, or you wouldn't be sending it out. No one would send out subpar material, right? Not intentionally I mean. :0)

But I knew up front it was going to be like this. Rejections filling up my inbox. I was okay with it, and so I smile everytime I get a rejection. I know I'm trying. I'm following through and believing in myself enough to put myself out there. My first few rejections, I called friends and said, "Hey! Guess what? I got rejectected again!" They were like, "Why are you so happy about it?" I said, "Because. It's real. I'm actually sending my stuff out. People are actually reading the things I've written." Ha ha.

Needless to say, I don't bother to call them anymore when I get a rejection. I'd be calling all the time! Lol

This was my nicest rejection yet:
"First and last name, thank you so much for writing me about your project. I read and consider each query carefully and, while yours is not exactly what I am looking for right now, I would certainly encourage you to keep trying. It was interesting, and I very much enjoyed the sample chapters that you sent to me. I know your work is important to you and I am grateful that you wrote to me. I sincerely hope you find someone who this suits better than myself. From a selling standpoint, I'm not sure I could place this right now."

I liked that this person actually took the time to write out my first and last name. Most of them come back to me, Dear "author" or Dear: "writer". I think if they want to be addressed by first and last names, it's nice when they take the time to do the same.

Keep going. Never give up. The best things in life are hard work, things we've toiled over and done everything we could to make happen. Always believe in yourself, and your ability to make your dreams come true! ;0)

Originally Posted by Terry D

Rejection use to bother me more than it does now. Well, that's not really the case, I guess I've just learned how to deal with it better. In the past I would wander around in a funk for days after getting that ugly SASE, snarling at my wife, being grouchy at my day job. Then I realized what I needed was something to soften the disappointment, something to sooth away the anger and resentment. So, about 3 years ago after I received a rejection from a magazine for a short story I'd written, I decided to stop by the local animal shelter and adopt a puppy. It is amazing how well that worked to bring me back to my typical jovial self. In no time at all I was filled with warmth and optimism, the day seemed brighter and the future less bleak. Now, every time I see that familiar looking envelope in the mail box I make a trip to the shelter and adopt another homeless dog, or cat.

One word of advice for anyone thinking about trying this method of recovery, don't wear cleated boots when you stomp the animal, the cleats are a bitch to clean.

OMG, you're twisted :/