Thread: One for The Grammar Aficionados

Who can tell me what the six grammatical errors in this following paragraph are?

The highly-trained SWAT officer grabbed hold of the battering ram, and swung it towards the door. The oak entrance, hardened to withstand the force of an officer's kick splintered inward under the pressure. Sergeant Jones fired the ram aside removing his sidearm as he stepped across the fallen door. He could hear the sounds of occupant's scurrying around the apartment. He knew the man he sought was somewhere in the building, however, he didn't know where.

With just a couple hours' sleep, I can find four before the words start jumbling up in my head. I'm sure a true grammarian would spot all six instantly.

1) lose the comma after ram
2) put it in after "kick"
3) add another after "aside"
4) kill the apostrophe in occupants

I would write it as:

The highly-trained SWAT officer grabbed ahold of the battering ram, and swung it towards into the door. The oak entrance, hardened to withstand the force of an officer's kick, splintered inward under the pressure. Sergeant Jones fired flung the ram aside and removinged his sidearm as he stepped across the fallen door. He could hear the sounds of occupant's scurrying around the apartment. He knew the man he sought was somewhere in the building,; however, he didn't know where.

Those aren't all errors, however, and this isn't the only way of doing it. If I had to keep it about the same, these are the changes I might make. Anyone find anything else?

Originally Posted by Sam W

Who can tell me what the six grammatical errors in this following paragraph are?

The highly-trained SWAT officer grabbed hold of the battering ram, and swung it towards the door. The oak entrance, hardened to withstand the force of an officer's kick splintered inward under the pressure. Sergeant Jones fired the ram aside removing his sidearm as he stepped across the fallen door. He could hear the sounds of occupant's scurrying around the apartment. He knew the man he sought was somewhere in the building, however, he didn't know where.

The four spotted by moderan, plus:

5) The word 'sounds' is wrong. It should be 'sound'.
6) Another comma after 'aside' and before 'removing his sidearm'.

Also, the 'however' in the last sentence is a bit awkward. But I think that's style rather than grammar.

Originally Posted by yingguoren

The four spotted by moderan, plus:

5) The word 'sounds' is wrong. It should be 'sound'.

The word 'occupants' is plural. The apostrophe in it is incorrect. However, 'sounds' can be used. Since we're referring to multiple people, it can also be 'sounds'. Unless they're all making one sound.

Also, the 'however' in the last sentence is a bit awkward. But I think that's style rather than grammar.

If used with a semi-colon, it's fine. However, in this case it's being used as a conjunction. There are only seven accepted conjunctions in the English language. They can be easily distinguished by the mnemonic FANBOYS. For, and, nor, but, or, yet, so.

The error which no one has yet discovered is also the hardest one.

Sam, there's got to be a more efficient way to edit your novel than this.

Originally Posted by j.w.olson

I would write it as:



Those aren't all errors, however, and this isn't the only way of doing it. If I had to keep it about the same, these are the changes I might make. Anyone find anything else?

I appreciate the tightening up, J.W., but I'm actually talking about strict grammatical errors. There is one in there that very few people are aware of.

Originally Posted by JosephB

Sam, there's got to be a more efficient way to edit your novel than this.

Which one? The published one? Nah, it was edited professionally.

Originally Posted by Sam W

Who can tell me what the six grammatical errors in this following paragraph are?

The highly-trained SWAT officer grabbed hold of the battering ram, and swung it towards the door. The oak entrance, hardened to withstand the force of an officer's kick splintered inward under the pressure. Sergeant Jones fired the ram aside removing his sidearm as he stepped across the fallen door. He could hear the sounds of occupant's scurrying around the apartment. He knew the man he sought was somewhere in the building, however, he didn't know where.

Without looking at any of the replies, here are the ones I caught.
1) There shouldn't be a comma before "and swung" because you're not joining two complete sentences.
2) There should be a comma after "officer's kick" to close the phrase.
3) There should be a comma after "ram aside."
4) There should be no apostrophe in "occupants," since it's a plural, not a possessive.
5) There should be a semicolon after "in the building" instead of a comma, since it's separating two distinct sentences.

I'm not sure what the last one is. The descriptor "highly-trained" doesn't need the hyphen, though I don't think it's necessarily an error as is. "Towards" doesn't need the s at the end, but the current spelling isn't wrong. "Fired the ram aside" is a weird way to put it, but that's not a grammatical error. "Sounds" could go without the s, but again, it's not wrong with it.

I give up. What's the last error?

The last error is highly-trained.

It's a compound adjective, but it starts with an adverb. The adverb is already modifying the word which follows, making the hyphen redundant. A hyphen in such circumstances is considered erroneous.

I give myself a score of 5.5 out of 6.

Originally Posted by Sam W

The word 'occupants' is plural. The apostrophe in it is incorrect. However, 'sounds' can be used. Since we're referring to multiple people, it can also be 'sounds'. Unless they're all making one sound.

'Occupants scurrying' is one particular sound, so I think that the singular should be used for 'sound'.

Using 'sounds' just really jars with me. Maybe we'll have to agree to disagree.

We could actually have more of these.

One of the first things that struck me was that I could not imagine a SWAT officer who was not highly trained, that is a superfluous bit of writing that ought to be taken as read. On the other hand the type of novel is aimed at the sort of person who delights in these details. Sorry Sam, I know next to nothing about formal grammar, but I am reading so beware.

Originally Posted by Sam W

Who can tell me what the six grammatical errors in this following paragraph are?

The highly-trained SWAT officer grabbed hold of the battering ram, and swung it towards the door. The oak entrance, hardened to withstand the force of an officer's kick splintered inward under the pressure. Sergeant Jones fired the ram aside removing his sidearm as he stepped across the fallen door. He could hear the sounds of occupant's scurrying around the apartment. He knew the man he sought was somewhere in the building, however, he didn't know where.

Were there only six? I found ELEVEN writing errors.. at least, they looked like errors to me.

The highly-trained SWAT officer grabbed hold of the battering ram, and swung it towards the door.
Unnecessary, grabbed, unnecessary

The oak entrance, hardened to withstand the force of an officer's kick(comma missing) splintered inward under the pressure.
Comma missing, inward from, impact

Sergeant Jones fired the ram aside(comma missing) removing his sidearm as he stepped across the fallen door.
tossed the ram, comma missing, over

He could hear the sounds of occupant's scurrying around the apartment.
Unnecessary, unnecessary

He knew the man he sought was somewhere in the building, however, he didn't know where.

On a side note, I'm curious.. does grammar apply to style? I've seen many authors use dependent clauses as if they were complete sentences.

Eg: The house was luxuriously decorated. With cotton sheets.

I'm thinking of Chuck Palahniuk, specifically.