Thread: Thoughts on mayonnaise

I made tuna salad a little while ago, and we didn't have any good mayonnaise to use. After shuffling things around inside the fridge, the only thing I could find was the fat free stuff. First of all, it tastes like what I imagine cancer would taste like. Second of all, it probably does cause cancer. Third of all, how the eff is it possible to make mayonnaise fat free?

Mayonnaise = eggs + oil.

That's it. That's all there is to mayonnaise. I could see maybe using egg whites in lieu of the whole egg, since the yolks are where all the fat is. But oil? Oil is fat.

I conclude, therefore, that this crap that tasted like cancer is not actually mayonnaise. It's a white, creamy substance that someone deceivingly called mayonnaise so that stupid, lazy people would buy it and believe they'll lose weight without having to work for it.

By the way, I read the ingredients--it was a list of things I couldn't pronounce, which only furthers my theory that it is not actually mayonnaise and probably causes cancer.

That is all.

They make it with egg white and emulsified corn syrup. It's essentially sugar-free (not to mention nutrition-free) marshmallow fluff. I've had to make the stuff when I worked briefly in a veggie restaurant. Corn syrup is incredibly versatile, as is tofu. Sometimes it even tastes good. Unlike tofu. It's the same stuff as fat-free creamy anything dressing. The emulsifiers are the yard-long chemical names.
Technically speaking, mayonnaise is egg yolk plus oil. Salt helps flavor it.

Originally Posted by Tiamat10

I made tuna salad a little while ago, and we didn't have any good mayonnaise to use. After shuffling things around inside the fridge ...

Couldn't you just go out and buy some? Didn't you check, before you made the tuna salad, that you had some mayonnaise? Don't make life any harder than it needs to be.

Think mayonnaise! Everybody!!

Most people have salad-cream, which is emulsion paint with vinegar...

I don't get the point of an egg-white omlette, it must taste like a badly cooked meringue without the sugar. Before the drug companies invented statins; bombarding doctors and health authorities with "You'll die tomorrow if you don't take these" messages written on the sides of the jumbo-jets taking them to essential conferences, inconveniently placed beside golf-courses in the Bahamas or Sun City; nobody batted an eyelid if your cholesterol was around 10....

Hellman's is the only true widely commercially available mayonnaise, and it's inferior to fresh home-made.The less said about the abomination known as 'Miracle Whip', the better.

It's a miracle that people actually eat that stuff. Yuck. Horrible.

Southern cooks know the best mayonnaise and closest to homemade is Dukes, mainly because it has no sugar -- but it's only available in the Southeast. My mama wouldn't allow any other brand in the house, and I won't either. My sister lives in Toronto and has been known to smuggle a few jars back over the border.

How long do you think deshelled egg-mass naturally lasts?
How long does mayo last?

You can't have long life products without a cost involved.

If you make it fresh it doesn't need a long shel life...

You could probably say that about a lot of things. It's really all about convenience -- and obviously, there's a trade-off.

Originally Posted by Leyline

Hellman's is the only true widely commercially available mayonnaise, and it's inferior to fresh home-made.

Good point.

I've learned more about mayonnaise in this one thread then the sum of what I knew about it during my whole life.

Never heard of Dukes. Didn't know people were so particular about their mayonnaise either.

Originally Posted by Leyline

Hellman's is the only true widely commercially available mayonnaise, and it's inferior to fresh home-made.

Good point.

Agreed. Hellman's has some body to it, unlike Kraft. They do market that product under other names to foodservice and through some store brands, though. It's pretty easy to spot which ones if you use them. I'll let you guess *cough* Best Foods *cough*.

Originally Posted by Writ-with-Hand

I've learned more about mayonnaise in this one thread then the sum of what I knew about it during my whole life.

Never heard of Dukes. Didn't know people were so particular about their mayonnaise either.

Things don't taste right or feel right on the tongue if you don't use at least Hellman's. I grew up a couple miles or so from their original plant so I grew up on the stuff, though fresh is much better and ridiculously easy to make.
I don't care for Duke's, which tastes slightly vinegary. I do like Miracle Whip for some things, though. The peculiar tartness of the product has its uses.

Mix some curry in and it'll taste better. Tuna + Mayo + curry = deliciousness that you can scoop up with crackers. I don't know if it'll cover up the scandalous fat free stuff's tainted flavor, but it might even, with enough curry

It's gotta be Miracle Whip -- I don't trust any food that doesn't come out of a nice clean laboratory

Originally Posted by Terry D

It's gotta be Miracle Whip -- I don't trust any food that doesn't come out of a nice clean laboratory

You sound like my wife. For me, I'm reluctant to eat anything that was never part of the food chain, although I am somewhat of a hypocrite considering the fact that I still indulge in a Mountain Dew every opportunity I find.