Thread: Interesting/Funny/Weird Conversations at Work

My boss is just weird sometimes. I think his mouth and brain are disconnected most of the time. He just buzzed me and our conversation went like this:

Him: Uh, do you have ____ file open?
Me: No.
Him: You don't have it open?
(I maximize Word from and see no document open at all.)
Me: Nope.
Him: So it's closed?
Me: Yes.
Him: Okay that's what I'm trying to find out. Thanks. Bye.

Sounds like he was just checking you were at the desk and not skiving
It was just too random to be anything else!

Having been a volunteer firefighter, cop, and dispatcher, there are too many to list, therefore, I'll cherry pick from different vocations.

1) Firefighter-responding to 2 a.m. fire, arrived at trailer. My boss from summer job runs out door pulling up his pants. The woman behind him pulling on her shirt is my mom's best friend. Both are married, but not to each other. I kept a straight face at the fire, but back at the station.....

2) Firefighter again. After I was elected assistant chief, I was junior to two other assistant chiefs (and the Chief himself-who was my surrogate father). Anyway, I happened to be at the station when a fire call came in. The house was right at the north line of our jurisdiction, but just inside our line. The senior assistant chief over ruled me and said the house wasn't in our jurisdiction. Three juridictions came together at that intersection. I then called the FD to our north, but they said it wasn't in their jurisdiction. I then called the third FD, same thing. I then argued withg the senior assistant chief (I despised him because he was also a magistrate judge and on city council and he rarely made calls). After a minute, I went over his head and called the Chief at his full time job. The Chief ruled in my favor. The senior left in disgust. Myself and a crew rolled (ten very precious minutes had ticked by, during which the home owner called back twice).


We arrived to find the home completely destroyed and the other two departments on scene. It was an embarassing moment.

3) Dispatcher-the rich, but clueless woman who called 911 to ask for the lake level to be increased because she had put a 75 foot boat in the lake after three months without rain. I informed her that I wasn't able to make it rain and she should take up the issue with a higher power.

4) Dispatcher again. Sunday, 5 p.m. call from ground floor of resort hotel-woman reporting two men with burns. EMT unit arrives and finds two men with second degree burns above the waist. First man declines to tell how it happened, but second man confesses.

Both men are on a jet ski on the lake. Jet ski dies, so the men push it to the side of the lake. Sun is setting behind the forest trees. With light fading, first man asks the second if he has a flashlight as they look in the gas tank. Second man replies:



(wait for it)


"No, but I have a lighter."

5) Cop-Extremely attractive, but gay male Officer had transferred to Human Resources. He had become very ill due to a terminal illness, and had missed work. The HR Manager threatened to fire him if he missed another day of work (he told us while delivering correspondence). He just wanted to work to the end.

Myself, a Sergeant and Lieutenant went over to HR and spoke with the Manager. We reminded her that people in HR, including herself, had committed minor offenses. If the terminally ill former Officer was fired, secrets would spill. He was allowed to work until the end-dying at home.


6) Cop again. Me and my partner are tabbed as protection detail-music act performing only for local media. Due a combination of circumstances, my first six months in the city, I didn't watch TV-I didn't know one reporter from the next. Still, I was tabbed to watch the front door while she worked the command center. Every reporter and news anchor that arrived, I told them I didn't know them and I needed identification. After half an hour, Deputy Chief finally wised up and switched us out.

Originally Posted by Offeiriad

My boss is just weird sometimes. I think his mouth and brain are disconnected most of the time. He just buzzed me and our conversation went like this:

Him: Uh, do you have ____ file open?
Me: No.
Him: You don't have it open?
(I maximize Word from and see no document open at all.)
Me: Nope.
Him: So it's closed?
Me: Yes.
Him: Okay that's what I'm trying to find out. Thanks. Bye.

Haha..you could make aliving out of scripts like that..LOL

I tend to find that most conversations i have with people tend to be odd, and whats stranger is that the common denominator is always me !!

Doesn't really qualify as a conversation -- but I'm always amazed at what some clients call a "minor change." As in, "Everything looks fantastic, and we're good to go -- except we need to make one minor change."

However, calling it minor doesn't make it minor. So when you add 3 paragraphs of crap to something that already is devoid of white space -- it's not minor. When you add a word to a headline that kills the idea and makes it meaningless, it's not minor. When the image is horizontal and you want to instead "drop in" an image that's vertical, it isn't minor!

But that's OK. We'll still meet the deadline and probably not charge enough for the revisions -- so you'll just keep doing it. Bah!

Originally Posted by JosephB

Doesn't really qualify as a conversation -- but I'm always amazed at what some clients call a "minor change." As in, "Everything looks fantastic, and we're good to go -- except we need to make one minor change."

However, calling it minor doesn't make it minor. So when you add 3 paragraphs of crap to something that already is devoid of white space -- it's not minor. When you add a word to a headline that kills the idea and makes it meaningless, it's not minor. When the image is horizontal and you want to instead "drop in" an image that's vertical, it isn't minor!

But that's OK. We'll still meet the deadline and probably not charge enough for the revisions -- so you'll just keep doing it. Bah!

My worst is sending a piece of work back 5 or 6 times so all the little lords of all the little*fiefdoms*in a company get a say in whether they should have square or circle bullet points.*

I keep thinking of that scene in Cool Hand Luke where he had to dig the hole, then fill it in, dig all the dirt out and then fill it back in until his spirit finally snapped like an overstretched elastic band.*

Dudester, you should seriously consider writing a sitcom based on your experiences!

Originally Posted by BabaYaga

My worst is sending a piece of work back 5 or 6 times so all the little lords of all the little*fiefdoms*in a company get a say in whether they should have square or circle bullet points.*

I keep thinking of that scene in Cool Hand Luke where he had to dig the hole, then fill it in, dig all the dirt out and then fill it back in until his spirit finally snapped like an overstretched elastic band.*

Ha ha. Yeah. Sure, everyone has to lift his leg and go on it. A lot vacillation and changes are fear based too, it’s about people covering their @ss – and making sure they’ve spread the decision making around enough so they can blame others when things go wrong.

What usually makes it bearable is the one, maybe two clients who really get it – who take risks, make decisions and stick with them -- or let you make the final call -- because they recognize that you’re the expert and that’s why they hired you in the first place. These are always the same people who see the value of things and don’t nickel and dime. I enjoy I while it lasts, because they're almost always the folks who move up or on to better things. Of course the knuckleheads they leave behind never get why that is.

Yeah, there's always a few who make it worthwhile... or at least buy you a beer at the end of the day. The only thing worse than doing work for a big corporate company is working for that company directly.

I had a brand manager once ask me to write a press release and when I asked her for more information, her brief to me was to just make it 'wow'. Somehow that was meant to fill in for all the missing details. 'Wow'.*

Did a couple of brief corp. stints. One was pretty good -- a very lean entrepreneurial organization, the other a Fortune 500 behemoth. Both provided great experience, although the latter was pretty frustrating. I've also done work for a certain soft drink company in my town -- a very special kind of nightmare -- but I learned a whole lot. They are the biggest and arguably one the best marketing machines on the planet. Just not all that kind to suppliers.

Love the "wow" thing. I know I've heard that and variations of it too -- pizazz etc. I've done a good amount of package design -- I wish I had a nickle for every time a client said something "had to jump off the shelf" -- in lieu of any meaningful direction. They're a strange breed, these clients. Too bad they're the ones that pay the bills.

Ah, indeed, have you checked out The Oatmeal's blog? Some of the articles, like 'how to send a web design straight to hell' manage to sum up the client/ creative experience with more truth and wit than I ever could. There's also David Thorne's cutting emails to clents who don't*pay that always make me smile. You can see them on his website as well if you haven't already.*

Teaching people to drive, I quite often end up having bizarre conversations. I suppose they're not conversations though, really; more my questions and their bizarre responses. One that sticks in my mind occurred when teaching a girl whose tendency was to drive too fast for the given environment. On a quiet residential street we were approaching a parked ice-cream van, and to get her thinking ahead I asked the following:

Me: Who might be hiding behind the ice-cream van?

Her: Perverts.

Me:

Originally Posted by Bilston Blue

Teaching people to drive, I quite often end up having bizarre conversations. I suppose they're not conversations though, really; more my questions and their bizarre responses. One that sticks in my mind occurred when teaching a girl whose tendency was to drive too fast for the given environment. On a quiet residential street we were approaching a parked ice-cream van, and to get her thinking ahead I asked the following:

Me: Who might be hiding behind the ice-cream van?

Her: Perverts.

Me:

I like that one...LOL

There's also David Thorne's cutting emails to clents who don't*pay that always make me smile. You can see them on his website as well if you haven't already.*

I agree. This guy is really funny. His website is here (click even though it tells you not to): Go away

I believe to have found the answer to all your problems with this:

Are you lonely?
Work on your own?
Hate having to make decisions?
Then hold a meeting.

You can get to see other people,
Sleep in peace,
Load decisions onto others,
Feel important and impress your colleagues –
Just think – all of that in work time!

M e e t i n g s –
The practical and creative alternative to work.