Thread: Corrupted Wishes Game

Wish granted... Though not wishing leads all things to be real and real means boring, thus making you too boring to put up with. Forcing you to unwish; not wishing. (How on earth do I manage to confuse; me?)

I wish I didn't have the brain of a cow and be able to think quicker.

Granted. You now have a dolphin brain which is quicker. Too bad that all you can do is click and make ultrasonic noises though. Not good for conversation purposes.

Wish it was Autumn all the time.

Granted but the leaves which gentle sway from side to side before hitting the ground... Will drop at an alarming rate, that eventually all trees shall be leaveless. (Not true... Couldn't bare to see that) And you need to carry a rake with you all the time.

I wish my responses to this thread weren't so... so.... boring.

Granted! Now they are al super exciting. In fact, they are so exciting that several of readers have heart attacks, develop explosive diareah and projectile vomiting. They sue you for damages. Have fun defending yourself in court.

Wish I wuz a genius.

Granted, but your genius comes with a lack of all social skills, and you quietly remove yourself from society to live in a cave where you invent a cure for cancer as well as a water-based substitute for gasoline in your lab, but no one will ever know because you never leave your cave.

I wish I was a pirate.

(Caelum, luv the new avatar. It's Inglorious)

Anyway... Granted, me hardy! Alas, yer wooden leg is a might too short, and ye end up walkin' in circles. Termites infest the leg, ye keel over and yer hook pokes out yer one good eye.
As you lie blind and crippled on the deck, the British Navy pulls along side and takes ye into custody. Yer sentenced to hang by the neck 'till dead, but the magistrate decides that's too easy a death. Instead, yer smeared with Rat Chow and thrown into the gallows. You hop on your one leg, blind, fending off rats fer the rest of yer miserable, scurvy life. You sing:

"Yo, ho, yo, ho, a pirate's life for me..."

I wish that I wasn't such a sick, twisted, perverted freak.

Granted, you're a nice old man with millions in the bank from a successful career, with a lovely young wife, and many wonderful grandkids. Everyone seems to love you, and care so much about you, especially now that you lie on your deathbed with only minutes to live.

I wish I could be young again, knowing what I know now, but with the health and body I had then.

Granted I don't want to be young again it damn near killed me first time around so i,m happy to be old, old is good for me. Like a fine wine i,m getting better with age. Better at what i,m not quite sure?

I wish the big shots would sort out their act and stop screwing up the economy.

Granted. Congress now gets along, because they've taken their circus on the road, the democrat clowns being jugglers and the republican clowns doing elephant acts. The reason they took their act on the road is that D.C. imploded from its own corruption...right after they eliminated all signs of an economy. And clowns can't screw up what doesn't exist. So I hope you're happy now.

I wish someone would reply to my Repeating Rhyme Challenge thread in Poetry Prompts and Word Games.

Granted, but the moment after I posted in that forum, a temporal rift opened two feet from my office chair. I was sucked through to another dimension that is ruled by gibbon monkeys wearing tu-tus. They liked me so much that they made me stay, and I must now post from the Big Banana room where they serve only the finest coconut milk.

Oh, and the law of matter conservation means that an evil android replicant was sent back to replace me. He's sitting in my office chair, drinking my beer and eating my pretzels. Oh, and he deleted my post I left for you in Poetry Prompts. Like I said, he's evil.

I wish that people who use their cell phone while driving would spontaneously combust.

Granted. A guy driving toward you talking on his phone spontaneously combusted, causing his car to spin out of control. You were hit by his flaming car and your face was so badly burned that you needed plastic surgery. Now you look like Madonna.

I wish it didn't get dark so early in winter.

Granted. A rather large asteroid strikes Earth at a perfect speed and vector. It stops the Earth from rotating. It is now noon where you are, in perpetuity. The bad news is, water is now selling for $500,000 a gallon.

I wish I had the money to take my kids to Disneyland again.

Winston takes his kids to Disneyland the same day the "big one" strikes California. They survive, just barely, swept out by the ensuing tidal wave to a new island that fell off the edge of the west coast, which they name New California. Having no communication towers or planes, they build a new civilization with the others who made it there. They soon have a thriving economy from shell jewelry, which they export to what's left of the mainland. Then, fashion being the fickle thing it is, shells go out of style like bell bottoms, and their economy collapses overnight. Unemployment grows to over 9%, and the poverty rate soars to 46%. Their leader proposes a "jobs bill" and raises their taxes. They decide to leave, so they build a boat to take them back to the mainland, but can't get the permits needed to launch it. After three years of red tape, they get permission to leave, but must use only solar cells. It's cloudy for four weeks straight, so it takes them months to make it to the shore of Old California. When they finally dock, they try to sign up for public assistance, only to find that no such program exists since the last election. But there are plenty of jobs, so they all go to work in the new oil fields which stretch from L.A. to San Francisco. They save enough to finally move back to Seattle, where it's raining, as usual. The kids get bored sitting in the house and ask, "Dad? Can we go to Disney World? Please?" It's hurricane season in Florida, but Winston gives in, and off they go...

I wish I could sing!

Granted. You sing like a canary. Coal miners take you down to the deepest, darkest reaches of their mine. You develop "Canary Black Lung". Since you are a contract worker, your employer doesn't cover your medical costs. You sell one of your good birdie kidneys to pay for your needed care. But your life in the mines is hard, and you drink hard, destroying your last good kidney.

I wish more people were less uptight.

People stop being uptight. Now they can relax and say and do what they feel like, not caring what anyone thinks of them. This is, of course, because they are perpetually drunk. It was the only way they could handle watching the news.


I wish I had not neutered my male dog and could have more puppies from my girls.