1. Each phrase must not exceed twelve words.
2. Each phrase must not include a name of any kind.
3. The expression must be coherent and make at least some sense.
My selections as follows. I didn't put too much thought into this, though perhaps that will be where the laughs are to be had?
1. Yeah, well, that's just like... your opinion, man.
2. I have a heart condition; if you hit me, it's murder.
3. It's okay... I'm a limo driver!