Thread: You can only say three things for the rest of your life. What do you choose?

The conditions:

1. Each phrase must not exceed twelve words.
2. Each phrase must not include a name of any kind.
3. The expression must be coherent and make at least some sense.

My selections as follows. I didn't put too much thought into this, though perhaps that will be where the laughs are to be had?

1. Yeah, well, that's just like... your opinion, man.

2. I have a heart condition; if you hit me, it's murder.

3. It's okay... I'm a limo driver!

1. Where are my ciggys?

2. A pint of Stella please barkeep!

3. So... you going to undress or what?

Originally Posted by Potty

1. Where are my ciggys?

2. A pint of Stella please barkeep!

3. So... you going to undress or what?

If I ever come to power, referring to the bar staff as barkeep whilst ordering a pint of Stella would be a capital offence. Capital!

That reminds me of an anecdote:

I was sat at a bar once in the middle of Manchester with a friend of mine. Two southerners came in, and one leaned over the bar in a very Bogartian manner, held two fingers in the air, and said with a wry smile: 'two lor-guhs ploise bor-keep'.

Makes me chuckle to this day.

1. That's what she said!

2. Why yes, that is my finger on your forehead.

3. Bite me.

1. The line starts here, means just that.

2. If aliens are looking for intelligent life, why are you scared?

3. As a matter of fact, I am a rocket scientist.

1. I love you.
2. Is this really all the time that we get?
3. What's for dinner?

1. Yes please, I'll have another.
2. OK, but bring your own rope.
3. Yes please, I'll have another.

1) I have only three things left I can say.
2) Yes, of course that means I have to think about them
3) What do you mean, these count?

1. Sure.

2. That could be a good choice.

3. That could be a bad choice.

1. What?

2. Wow

3. Quack

1. "Sausage; bacon; double egg, fried, runny; mushrooms; beans; fried bread; large tea."

2. "Please stop posting vampire stories on the forums. Please."

3. "Pens are mightier than swords, so stab them with your biro."

I'm still alive...

Can I take your order please?
Would you like it large?
What drink would you like with that?

Only being able to say three things limits my employment possibilities to certain drive through establishments!