Thread: Puns

Originally Posted by Olly Buckle

Heard an old Tommy Steel song the other day about a girl he met and how he's going to "date her for later". Only with his London accent it sounds as though he is going to "date her, fellate her".

Here's some more:

He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.

Police called for backup at a daycare centre where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

She sits among the cabbages and peas

Originally Posted by The Backward OX

She sits among the cabbages and peas

That is a Marie Lloyd number (I sits ... actually). she filled her songs with such innuendo, when pulled up over this one by a self appointed "morality commitee" she changed the words ... to "I sits among the cabbages and leeks".
On another occasion she sang two of her songs so straight faced and twee the committee could find nothing wrong with them, then sang "Come into the garden Maude" in such a way that it was filled with innuendo.
Innuendo, by the way, being Italian for a suppository.

Atheism is a non-prophet institution

What a brilliant thread that has become neglected.

What do you call a lion wearing a stylish hat? A dandy lion.

Yet another thread I've saved. I feel as though I have accomplished my good deed for they day!

If a judge loves the sound of their own voice, expect a long sentence.

James Bond sleeps through an earthquake. He's shaken, but not stirred.