Thread: Character Descriptions

Characters are vital to any story, and readers have more interest in a character that comes to life through good description. So I hope we can use this thread to post short character descriptions. Just that. No plot, just introduce a character. Character development in bad writing is often lost to action and plot twists, but it's important to the reader, and must be in every story. I think this activity would be valuable practice. Here's an example, edited out of the opening of a short story I was working on here.

George Padowski sat in his recliner, his left hand on a pile of mail more than a few days old. His motionless fingers curled around the past-due notice from the electric company, forming a rigid hook. His right hand held the TV remote balanced on his knee, his index finger lightly resting on the Tivo “pause” button, which had obviously been depressed, since Bill O’Reilly held onto a smirk much longer than even he should be able to do. Beneath his wispy black brows, George’s eyes barely blinked, staring at the frozen image, thinking he’d be more comfortable if he reclined his chair. But that required jerking his body backward, and he just wasn’t up to it right now. Soon, though, since the blood was settling in his feet, making them throb. Yes, he definitely should flip up the footrest. He’d do that soon, he thought. He considered opening the mail, but changed his mind. He wondered what Bill O'Reilly was thinking behind that smirk, but didn't really care. Maybe he was getting hungry. He wasn't really sure. He was too uncomfortable to think right now, with his feet throbbing down there on the floor.

I hope others will post character descriptions of their own. We can comment on each if we like, suggesting additions or deletions. Anyone who has a character in mind may post a description at any time. No need to take turns.

Remember to "show, not tell." Try to communicate as much as you can in a description without being obvious. By obvious, I mean, try to avoid things like "Billy was a bully." Show us how little Billy acts, so we can see it for ourselves.

Keep it short. Don't tell too much. Just get the reader's interest. Let them look forward to learning more about this character.

What is his George's problem? He surely has one. The symptoms may not be recognizable to most people (who have never suffered from this condition). But it doesn't really matter, since at some point in any story that would use a guy like George, the word "depressed" would eventually come up, and the reader would learn that these are the classic symptoms of chemical depression. When one is sad, that's emotional depression. When one can't become interested in anything, and can barely even move because he is dead inside, that's chemical, and largely treatable.

Since I felt a need to explain what his behavior means, perhaps this wasn't the best example to start with. Most character behavior leads to more obvious conclusions, I would guess.

Originally Posted by Phyllis

No need to take turns.

How about that, then? Isn't that why there's a 'Reply With Quote' button?

At first I thought you were describing a dead person with rigor mortis. I was like reading on, curious how someone dead would be a character in your story.
Once I realized he was alive though, what I got was old age, rather than depression. Like physically, he did not have the strength or umph to move the chair yet, but would before he got a blood clot, or something like that. Made me think of my grandpa, who made little verbal sense after a series of strokes and was fairly helpless in a lot of ways. He could use the remote though.

Eluxia, I tried to make it obvious he's not old with this phrase: "Beneath his wispy black brows,"

As I said, perhaps this was a bad example since the symptoms of brain-chemical caused depression, the kind that has nothing to do with sad circumstances, are exactly what George displays. Lack of will even to move, and no interest in anything in life. I guess you didn't know that, and most normal healthy people without such a family member would not know it either. So, not the best first one! But an accurate description, nonetheless. This is not a guessing game, just practice in introducing new characters.

Okay, let's see what you all can come up with. Imagine a character of any age and circumstance, then try to communicate as much as you can in a description without being obvious. By obvious, I mean, try to avoid things like "Billy was a bully." Show us how little Billy acts, so we can see it for ourselves.

Anyone may post a new character at any time... the more the merrier.

Off Topic:

I thought that if a person’s perception of circumstances (glass half full or glass half empty type of thing) were what made them sad, then a doctor’s prescription aimed at alleviating the condition could well be a drug aimed at altering the levels of chemicals in the brain, chemicals such as serotonin, norepinephrine and dopamine.

He wondered what Bill O'Reilly was thinking behind that smirk, but didn't really care.

If he was depressed, that is too lively. 2 second thought.

"He couldn't be bothered to care what Bill O'Reilly was thinking behind that smirk."

Yes, Ox, George needs Prozac, or something similar.

Originally Posted by Rustgold

If he was depressed, that is too lively. 2 second thought.

"He couldn't be bothered to care what Bill O'Reilly was thinking behind that smirk."

Good point. There are degrees of depression, and a depressed person might still have curiosity, but not George. Given his immobility, George is one of the worst possible cases, so I agree that your correction would be better. Thanks.

Any time we are reading a character description it is a guessing game. Any time we have to try and understand people, it is a guessing game.
I have a personal relationship and some understanding of depression, but did not assume that this was the very thing that could have been happening. Are you asking that we not give feedback, allowing you to see if your description brought to mind what you wanted it to bring to mind?
My husband has mostly grayed hair and black brows. How old is he? My grandpa had black hair on his deathbed, how old was he? The idea is to get better at bringing a character into 3D in our minds, no?

Eluxia, of course feedback is wanted and very helpful. Yours just helped me. The fact that someone thought he was old is fine. That told me something important, that black eyebrows were not enough! Thanks for pointing that out, Eluxia... just what I wanted. Rustgold also gave me valuable input. This is the idea!

A character introduction is not all that will be said about the character, but just a start, a hint, perhaps. Later they are developed further and you learn who they are. What I was hoping for here was just the first intro to a new character. So I gave you George as a sample. No story will tell you everything about a character you have just met. And maybe I was wrong to say that this was a bad example because of the symptoms not being widely known. In many of the best stories you don't know what to make of a new character, and the fact you wonder about how his behavior and traits will fit into the story adds to the suspense and keeps you wanting to know more.

Sorry if I misled anyone so that you thought the character description you might post here had to tell all there is to know. That book would be pretty boring and predictable if the characters were so easy to understand upon introduction! Most of any good story deals with character development, but you have to start with letting the reader meet your character for the first time. First impressions may or may not prove to be correct ... just as in the real world.

Okay, let me restate the goal here. 1) Think of a character for a story. 2) Write a short introduction with some descriptions of his/her behavior, appearance, maybe some dialog. 3) Post it, and we will meet your character and give you input into how you described him, and what we thought when we first met him. Just as folks did here.

So, who is brave enough to try one? It's fun to create a new person, and much much less painful than chidbirth!

Enough blabbing, time to create a new person!

Seamus tip-toed quickly along the darkening shore, placing his feet carefully to avoid sharp shells and slimy seaweed. Tangled in mounds, sandy and smelly, it might in fact disguise something far worse, some little corpse of the sea, days dead, tenderized by rot. New sneakers, tied together securely and slung over his shoulder, rested safely on chest and shoulder blade, but he held the forward toe tightly, even so.
His feet were cold. His stomach growled again. He could not help but look back along his course a couple times, but each step he’d taken, the sea had also taken, until he found himself at the concrete boat ramp and watched his sister’s car pull up, not a moment to soon.

Deirdre motioned him into her hatchback. He opened the door, handing her his shoes, which she tossed in the back, and he sat, but kept his feet outside, swiping at the wet sand between his toes.
“No time Seamus.”
“But you’ll get sand-
“Bring your feet in boyo and shut the door, we have to go!”
“Don’t you have a towel?”
“NO! Shut the door and put your belt on.” Deirdre let off watching the rear view mirror, and glanced back at him. “Seamus no, shhh, I’m sorry, it’s alright, just be quick, okay?”
She sped backwards then, his closing of the door, and the locking click of the belt signifying release.

Eluxia, I love the description of the rotting seaweed. I am trying to see Seamus and his sister, but all I can tell is that Seamus is tired and dirty and anxious to clean his feet. Deirdre is in a hurry. That's all I can tell about her. I have tried, but just can't make sense out of this last sentence: She sped backwards then, the click of the door, and the belt signifying release. This is an intriguing scene, but doesn't have much in it to describe either character. Maybe if I understood that last sentence I would get more from it.

Deirdre was mostly used to tell more about Seamus. I realized when I finished that I had two characters rather than one, but you'd said dialogue could be used, so that would imply another character.
The last line is just that his clicking the door shut and clicking his seatbelt in, meant she was released to leave, which is what she was in a hurry to do. Like yours, I would need quite a bit more story to say more of Seamus.
Because I know what is going on, and I wrote it, of course, I can see the hints I used to explain his character. When I have some more time, I'll try again with another. More obvious, hopefully. This one was subtle I guess. Maybe I need to be less subtle for something so short. I don't tend to like to hit people over the head though, lol.
The description of the seaweed is in fact a hint to his character. He is a highly sensitive and meticulous child.

Now I see the problem. You said the click of the seatbelt signified RELEASE, and I took that to mean one of them was getting out of the car. You meant "release from being stuck there" then? If that's the case, you really should change the word, since we'll associate it with the release of a seatbelt. Also, why did she speed back in reverse? Because of the way she was parked? That's what I first guessed. But I had scenarios where Seamus had got out of the car and starting running away from it, then it stopped making any sense. All from the word "release" I think.

However, you got my interest in Seamus for sure. I want to know why he was so far down the beach that he was tired and hungry, and had been gone so long that it was getting dark. That made me curious to know more.

Changed it a touch. Not sure if that makes it clearer. But this was just for learning. I'll make another eventually. That it has potential for interest is something for sure.