Thread: stay away from the water.

Recently a young man, who shared halls at university with my daughter, left a party early, a bit drunk, and headed home alone. He was not seen alive again and turned up in the river Avon three weeks later.

When I look at the history such events are horribly common, all over the world. It would seem that more young men die by falling in rivers a bit drunk than do in traffic accidents. My theory is they think the river would be fun to have a pee in, look up from their fly to the water, and lose their balance briefly.

The Avon and Somerset constabulary issued the usual warning about staying away from water, staying in a group, and using licensed cabs. I can’t imagine anyone remembering that at the end of a party.

So here is the challenge, write something that a drunken young man might remember late at night, and would cause him to walk away from the river, looking for a fence to relieve himself against. Let your imagination run wild!

It seems like a contradiction. Drunks don't remember stuff coherently, if at all.

Remember the Alamo!

It seems like a contradiction. Drunks don't remember stuff coherently, if at all.

Yes they do, its expressing it they can't manage coherently, and the sort of thing they remember is different, I would suggest something strong on sentimentality.

I was going to suggest that, rather than write something, somebody should take it upon themself to surround all the rivers of the world with electric fencing. But then, it occured to me that the drunken people would pee on the electric fences instead... which I believe would be quite painful.

I would suggest something strong on sentimentality.

Well, that leaves me out. Byron, Keats or Shelley I'm not. Nor Wordsworth. Wandering lonely as a cloud, for heaven's sa...Hey! There's an idea! Where's my pen?

I wandered, lonely, from the crowd (hic)
Who gloat (hic) because I’m feeling ill
And then, just once, I truly vowed
To listen to (hic…hic) the stern Old Bill.
"Beside the lake, beneath the tree
Is not the place to do a pee".

(hic)

^ Hahahhahahhaha! Okay, this might be serious, but I absolutely loved this!

That is exactly the sort of thing I was hoping for Candid Petunia, serious ideas expressed in a regulation serious manner are easily forgotten, the humour makes it attractive and memorable. There may be other takes, a horror story for example.

Horror story?


Free willie?

(You have to think about it)

Once again, it cracked me up. I think those words will come to my mind every time I see someone 'doing their business' where they're not supposed to. But I don't think I can do this; I'll just read and enjoy, if other things come along.

I love you, Ox!

I saw this post and I had to chime in. I've been practicing with sonnets so here goes:

I Dream to Pee

I dream to pee into the deep, the blue,
for cool and wet and soft is river's tide.
To stand beside the grass with sprinkled dew,
and pee without delay, to pee with pride.

For rushing waters calm the hardest of fears,
and does remove the tight anxiety,
that holds, for some, pints of frothy beer,
and makes us wish to have sobriety.

But Nay I can't, for worst of danger waits
and might it take me down the river's flow.
For scores of men its taken to Heaven's gates,
and drunks are still deprived of Heaven's glow.

Oh how, into the blue, I wish to pee.
But now I look and there it stands; a tree.

Here's the tale of a fellow named Pat
Who went to the bar for brew and chat.
About ten minutes in
He switched over to gin
Because the beer on tap was all flat.

While gaily assaulting his liver,
Heard a tale that made his spine shiver
'Bout how last week a drunk
Had to pee but was sunk
Relieving himself in the river.

Pat gathered his personal effects,
And considering safety aspects,
With some cans of pale ale,
Ventured through the cattail
To get downriver to pay his respects.

Quickly finishing off a six pack,
Pat succumbed to a bladder attack.
Putting safety first,
He let the dam burst
While standing a full five feet back.

Golden arc towards the cold river flows
Focused beam akin to a fire hose
Glad to have his youth,
He muttered an uncouth,
"Can't do this when the old prostate goes."

Homage paid, and feeling quite plump,
Found a porcelain throne for his rump.
'Cuz the river is fine
For the thin yellow line
But a pain in the a$$ for a dump

Originally Posted by obi_have

"Can't do this when the old prostate goes."

How true.