Thread: Argumentation Challenge

Distinguished guests.
We live in dark times. Violence is on every street corner, people are going hungry, and Paris Hilton is still famous. Although we can't fix all of these issues, I believe I have a solution to an epidemic sweeping through the country today. Hairism.
Just some fact and figures for you to look at. Hair related crime is up 20% in the last five years, children are being ostracized for having lice. A beautiful red-headed woman can't cross the street without someone to swerving to hit her -- please refer to my book 'Running Over Ranga is worth 10 points' --
Just last night, my six year old daughter looked up at me with innocent eyes and asked "Mum, am I a dumb blonde?" what kind of world is this? I had to wipe the tears from my eyes and say "Yes my darling, you're as dumb as a doorpost, it's not your fault though, it's your hair"
That’s the moment I decided, this can't go on, and there must be a better way! And in that dark hour I found it, a shining beacon whispering to me "let them wear wigs..."
Downing a few more spirits to chase the voices away, I suddenly realized, this is the solution!
Wearing wigs! Fancy Wigs!
It would stop all the abuse, and make me a packet to boot. So don’t forget to stop by my stall on the way home 'your wigging crazy' I'll do you a great deal!

NEXT- BATHS AND SHOWERS MUST BE BANNED

What a pain it is to wake up in the morning and drench yourself with forty gallons or more of steaming hot water, everyday while some kids in Africa don't even have available drinking water. What a selfish country we live in, that we consider it mandatory to waste this much water every day. All we really need to smell good is deoderant right? Showers, and baths, are a waste of time and water. I propse that they are both banned and that anyone caught takeing either a shower or a bath are sentenced to death by hanging.

NEXT-VACUMS ARE BANNED

Sweat dribbled out of Montgomery Dimple's pores as he watched the crowd swell across the floors of the small church building. The name tag that perched on the matted hair of his naked chest identified him as a founding member of the Society of Natural Living. He fussed with the waistband of his boxer shorts, which he had been forced to wear, against the natural order of things, mind, if he wished to appear at the town hall meeting on behalf of his group.

"I have an issue of national importance to bring to the attention of the people tonight." He shuffled across the small stage to reveal his chart, which was really a piece of wood with a multitude of marks carved into it by a pointed rock. "The marks on this board represent dirt, and what we of the Society of Natural Living believe is the ideal level of dirt. As we all know, the planet is 75% water. Well, what is the other 25%? Dirt, my friends. Dirt. Dirt has, in fact, been with us since we were single-celled organisms resting at the bottom of the oceans. Our single celled ancestors used to sleep in the dirt. Our ape ancestors created hovels out of dirt, and worshiped around it. In the progression of a single human life, we go from eating dirt, to creating pies with wet dirt, to creating castles out of sand, which is much like dirt, to taking our final resting place in the dirt. At the end of our journey, our body turns into dust, which is a cousin of dirt.

"Dirt," his voice shook. His kind tended to warmer climates, and he felt that the organizers of the town hall meeting had purposefully set the air conditioning at a chill to make him uncomfortable. Let them. They might be able to make him wear boxers, but he wouldn't violate his body with any other coverings. He had principles. "Dirt is obviously an important part of human history--"

"Put on some pants!" A thin woman in the middle of the crowd. Dimple leveled his gaze at her and tried to make his nostrils flare in a threatening manner, not to be dissuaded.

"And what do we do with it," he continued. "We suck it up! We flush it down the toilet! Parachute it over the sea! Blow it into the atmosphere! Dirt, OUR dirt, we use these evil contraptions called vacuums and remove it from the floors of our suburban homes as though by getting rid of it once, it will leave us alone. But it always come back, because it is part of the natural order.

"Think about it, citizens. Don't let the mainstream media soil your mind with its lies. When did the tide change, when all of the sudden every home in America owned their own vacuum cleaner? At the same point when society began to break down. In the 1950s, as we began to suck all the dirt into these machines, the natural dirt, the dirt of life, dirt had to re-insinuate itself in an unnatural way. Drugs! Loose women! Sexually transmitted diseases! We didn't have these problems when dirt was allowed its natural reign in our world! If you, like myself, are truly worried about the condition of the family in today's society, then you will understand what needs to be done: the vacuum must be destroyed, every last one, banned, outlawed. Once dirt is allowed its natural reign again, it will no longer need to act out in order to participate in our lives. That's all it wants to do! It wants to sidle up between your toes and rest, it wants to fall asleep among the fibers of your carpeted foyers!"

Montgomery Dimple shivered and rubbed at the goosebumps on his bare arms. He gave the crowd one last look and said, solemnly, "Do the right thing. Ban the vacuum. If we start a movement here, in this town, then eventually it will spread. America 50 years from now will be a better place, just like it was 50 years before now, before this travesty infested the kitchen closets of every man and woman." And he escaped from the stage into the warm night, ripping the boxers off and enjoying the breath of humid air against his testicles.

NEXT--EVERYONE SHOULD COMMUNICATE IN SONG

gave me a good laugh badjoke

The dull voice of an old boreing school teacher sounds no less annoying and pointless than a very loud chainsaw stuck in your face for eight hours. Listening to the slow talk of the average person's bosses rhytmless voice is about as easy as holding your breath until you die.

Who want's to listen to some one else talk about things that seem irelevant to your own life?
Nobody.

Yet somehow millions of song's are produced, so people can listen to other people talk about irelevant things, and the want to listen is so bad that millions of people have begun stealing, or downloading these songs.

Do we really like listening to other people complain, and say over and over again how in love they are?

The awnser of course is NO!! We do like however the way it sounds when people sing!!! Who could disagree that listening to music is much better than listening to some one talk? so who could disagree with the idea that everyone instead of talking sings?

No more dull chainsaw voice of an old man in front of the class room!
No more pretending to listen to your boss!!
So why don't we make it a law that every one has to sing??

NEXT- everyone must wear hot pink jump suits everyday

“Ladies and Gentlemen, we here at Worldwide Hot Pink jumpsuits Ltd were sat in our board meeting last week and were trying to find the source of all the worlds conflict.” Looking at the crowds expectant faces he paused letting the suspense build.

“As I sat there looking from face to face, it dawned on me….. Clothes….. this is the problem. Look at nudists, they are all calm and serene as they strut about the place naked as the day they were born.

Now I’m not saying we should all be naked, that wouldn’t work at all, think of all the hypothermia and sunburn cases. No people my solution is simple. Hot Pink jumpsuits….. yes you heard me right, think on it. You get up in the morning and instead of spending precious time thinking about what to wear, getting frustrated and leaving the house then going on a rampage. You put on your cheerful, easy and comfortable Hot Pink jumpsuit.

The whole world wearing the same clothes, no conflict no hassle. Just think about it, world peace at last thanks to Worldwide Hot Pink jumpsuits.”

Next : Why the Three day work week should be introduced, with no loss in pay.

Ladies and gentleman, by a show of hands, how many of you feel... stress in your everyday lives? Good, good. I'll raise my hand to that. Now, how many of you work and work, waiting for that next paycheck only to have it gone as soon as it arrives, and to have the wait begin all over again? Wonderful. I'll raise my hand to that one as well.

Now if you'll notice, 90% of you in this room today raised your hand for one or both of my questions. Those of you who did not are probably just lying and feel more ashamed about it than the people around you...

There's no need to hide! Let's all be honest with ourselves! As you have clearly seen we all deal with the same stresses and hardships in our lives. Some people blame it on the economy. Some on the lack of familial or spousal support. Others on the weatherman incorrectly predicting the likelihood of rain, leaving you soggy after being caught in a late afternoon thunderstorm following a grueling 2-5 hour wait in bumper to bumper traffic...

*sigh*

But that is not the real problem that we face, my friends. No.

The real culprit ruining our day to day lives, and completely depriving us of the hope and conviction we need to keep marching forward?

Work.

Now you all are probably thinking "oh, how anti-climactic", but I assure you, work is more of a problem than even the most cynical of you realize. Think about it. How much time a week do you spend on work. Many of you would say "easy!". Twenty to forty hours a week depending on if you're part or full time.

Wrong!

That's where you're mistaken. Let's say your average day, if you're lucky, is 9-5. You don't simply spend the eight hours of your work shift on work. Think about the 2 hours early you woke up to actually prepare for work. To shower, eat, and gather the things you needed to take with you for the day. Oh, and don't forget about that horrible commute! Depending on how long this all takes you, you've effectively added 2-4 hours "spent on work" in addition to the already grueling 8 spent at work. Then there is the 2 or more hours spent getting home. So in one day you can, effectively, spend fourteen hours on or at work! Add in the 8 hours you should be (but probably aren't) sleeping and you've got a whopping twenty two hours sucked out of your day. A full twenty two hours you've just wasted getting closer to being six feet under. And that's five days a week, four weeks a month, fifty two weeks a year.

Depressing isn't it? I know. But some of you are probably now wondering, well how do I get anything done if I only have two extra hours of personal time? The answer is, you don't. Sure maybe you'll cut back on your sleep, which helps gives you more time, but only adds to your feelings of stress and hopelessness. And with those extra hours you've accumulated, you probably just waste them on watching television, or driving little Mike and Sally to soccer practice and ballet.

And yes, some of you still argue "there's always the weekend". But is there really? Saturday is spend winding down and relaxing from the hectic week at work. And for many of you, Sunday involves religious activities and getting yourself ready to start the five day trek all over again. For those of you who work in retail, the weekend is like the unicorn. Well known, but non-existent. No, the weekend is no good.

But life doesn't have to be like this. There is a solution to the bleak and oppressive route we each have chosen to take in our lives. Now, I'm not saying completely do away with work. No, of course not. It is vital to the order of our society, and it provides us with the means to survive. The real solution is the three day work week.

Yes, you heard me right. The three day work week. Imagine it. A world in which you only had to work three days a week, effectively doubling your now useless weekend into real, usable time. Time you can spend with the family. Time you can use to travel. Time you can use to reconnect the loosened bonds between you and your significant other. Time spent exploring the things you want to do. Time spent actually relaxing. And the beauty of this is there will be no pay cut.

All employees will still perform the same amount of work, at the same quality. Their work will be simply condensed into three days. Work may be a bit more hectic, but the benefit is more than worth it. We need a world in which we are not simply running until the clock stops ticking. We all deserved the right to live a long and happy life. Working five, or for most people 6-7 days a week is not living. And if it is, it's surely not a happy life. Why do this to ourselves when we have a solution? One that will give us back our hope, our dreams, our families...

Give us back our lives.

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NEXT: Why men and women should be allowed multiple spouses.

Ladies and gentlemen we are here today to talk about multi-partner spouses and the advantages therein. Firstly, let us look at the situation we have today. Due to the economic climate we find ourselves living in today, an average married couple will both have to go out and toil for hours, just to be able to afford their mortgage repayments and other luxury items such as food and clothing. But, just going out to work doesn’t end their for the couple, on their return from work the little woman will have to: cook her masters meal, wash his dirty plate, tidy the kitchen, hover the living room, put his dirty soiled underwear in the washer, iron his shirt for work the next day, make a sandwich for his return from the pub, miss her favourite soap and celeb gossip programmes by realising it’s ten pm and time to retire to the bathroom to remove the days make-up, shower, apply a multitude of oils and creams to her rapidly decaying skin and thinning hair, search her wardrobe for an item of clothing which has never been worn at work before and finally go to bed. In the morning she wakes before her master, showers, applies more oils and creams and puts on her face, makes her masters breakfast, feed and let out the dog, take out the washing and hang it outside to dry, wash the breakfast plates, tidy the kitchen and finally take a half-fat yogurt out of the fridge for the days lunch and run to catch the bus to work.

The gentleman of the house upon his return form work, will have to sit and eat his evening meal listening to constant nagging about the jobs the little woman would like doing around the home; “the garden needs doing, the bathroom tap is still dripping, we need to paint the spare room for when mother comes, I have nothing to wear for work tomorrow.” And then there is the tittle-tattle; “That Silvia at work is a bitch, she never does a thing and the boss thinks she’s wonderful, just because she has large breasts and wears a short skirt.” It is only after the meal that he can get some relief by going to the pub to get a well earned pint and catch up with his mates. His mornings are no picnic either! What with opening the post, getting the car out of the garage and having to remind the little woman that the dog is still outside.

Now, if we where to have multiple spouses all this would be eliminated. Instead of having one woman around the house, imagine six. Two could go to work and pay the mortgage and the other four could take part time work at a hair dresser or supermarket. Leaving them time to do chores around the home. One to cook meals, one to clean the house, one to wash clothes and iron, lets face it’s the automatic washing machine that does the work, and one floater who would help out where needed. Just think of the time you ladies would have to hand. You would be able to spend a large portion of your time preening yourselves, watching celeb gossip and soaps on the TV, always having someone there who understands you. Think of the wardrobe! Your choice would be almost unlimited. And finally, the clincher in my opinion, someone to share a bed with who doesn’t emit obnoxious smells or make revolting sounds while you watch TV in bed together before the master comes home from the pub.

Now, I can hear you ladies say; what about us?

Having two or more men around the house would be a blessing for you too. Not only would they have someone to play darts or snooker and go to football matches with but, also someone who could keep him out of your way when you are trying to do things around the home. Other benefits would be he would have someone to play against on the play station that is as equally good at it as him. Then there are the holidays. Envisage the peace you would get while they play volleyball and leave you to soak up the rays of sun while reading a good book; instead of being dragged around the local bars drinking beer and watching him ogle other better looking women.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank your for your audience and interest on this subject and hope that is has helped you decide that eight is better than two. Now… if there are six ladies here who would like to meet me later to discuss an arrangement, please leave me your phone number and address at the reception.

NEXT: WHY TWENTY-FIVE YEAR OLDS SHOULD RULE THE WORLD.

Why 25 year-olds should rule the world.

What up peeps?

We live in a brave new world, don’t we? Really, a new world order. Full of endless possibilities that, despite proclamations from our esteemed predecessors from previous generations, weren’t all that endless.

Technology is advancing faster than it ever has. So are the sectors of business, medicine, politics, entertainment, media, recreation, and travel. Why? Because the biggest advances have been made NOT by “The Greatest Generation” and their descendents, but by the ULTIMATE generation! Generation Y!

WE are the ones who have brought this planet to the lofty pedestal it so richly deserves! WE are the only ones who can bring warring nations together. WE are the only ones who can cure the 3 major natural killers of humans: Cancer, Heart Disease, & Alzheimer’s disease! WE are the only ones who can bring domestic crime down to its lowest level in recorded history! WE are the only ones who can cure or at least quell ALL of society’s ills and like, still produce better-looking generations for the assured survival of humankind.

Do not let nostalgia cloud reason! We are the now, the future, the promise, and WE WILL NOT BE KEPT BACK! But if we are we'll just brow-beat our parents into getting our way.



Why every country should have the right to have their own personal ocean.

Every country should have their own personal ocean because the USA and England have their own. Now, as we've pushed our democracy on Afghanistan & Iraq, we will also begin pushing this issue, removing land as necessary so that each and every country has their own personal ocean.

Next topic: HUMANITY NEEDS TO DESERT THEIR COUNTRY OF ORIGIN AND MOVE TO ANTARCTICA TO MATE WITH PENGUINS. THOSE OF ANTARCTIC ORIGIN, YOU ALREADY KNOW THE DRILL...

Tripp Dakota

Woman always complain men are not gentleman enough and men always complain woman don't dress enough for them. Well problem solved ladies and gentlemen. In Antartica there are men who dress in tuxedos all day and woman who are always dressed in the tightest of black dresses.

Sexy and sleek is the penguin. And that's why all humans should move to Antartica and breed with penguins. Woman get what they want, a gentleman who will sit on their egg while the woman goes out shoe shopping. A gentleman always dressed night and will peck your hair to get the snow out or just cause he thinks its to frizzy.

Men will get what they want, a woman always dressed as the perfect ten. Who don't whine and complain if you're sitting on their egg while watching football, as long as you're taking care of the young. They may peck you, if you aren't sitting right, but for the most part there will be no communication due to the significant langauge barrier.

Next: Why Children Should Become a Source of Food

The world may be doomed. The human population is expanding ever faster, the farming land to feed them is running out, and people refuse to halt their breeding! The solution: children. They are loud, stupid, irritating, and they cost us a fortune to educate, while adding to the burden of the world's food supply. Eat the children, and we can solve world hunger, and halt the ever-increasing population of the planet. Finally children will have a use again, (the last time being before child labour was so ridiculously outlawed!)

Plus, think of their tastyness! Have you ever had lamb? Lamb is tasty because it is baby sheep! Imagine the taste of baby human! It would be wonderful! Barbicued children, roasted children, baked children, boiled children, children pie, lovely! We could even use the leftover bones as construction material! Children are a renewable resource, people!!

Next: Half the world must be nuked in the name of world peace

I'm here today to not answer questions, but to deliver solutions. Some people may suggest that these are only half measures, that they are not truly preventative measures, but we do have a bigger plan, a larger picture. When we say 'nuke half the world', we know that humans will eventually repopulate to the extent where we are once more in the situation we are in now. Thus we have contingency plans in place. We don't just need to nuke half the world, we need to set up a system to repeat this event every 60 years. A wide variety of resources from the damaged side will still be available to us. Think of the benefits of war time when we have an abundance of radioactive materials to shoot at our enemies; How else can we eliminate war without beating the hell out of our enemies. Nuking half the world will better enable us to bring about peace. In the new world, homes will be self illuminating with a pleasant neon green glow. Evolution will take place at a far greater pace, allowing us to skip countless generations of slow evolutionary progress. And we would welcome our new mutated pets and livestock with open arms and mouths. All of this is made possible with just a handful of nukes.

Yes, the Earth will have two sides. Much like the moon, we will have a 'dark side of the Earth' (no reference to race here). We, as the one nation we need to become, will decide which people are inferior, and send them to the Dark Side of the Earth. We will have a White side, I mean Light side of the Earth and a Dark side. Of course, every sixty years, we will select those people who are deemed ineffective to the greater evolutionary process we have chosen for ourselves. In time, we will be able to become the true enlightened (and I really mean enlightened) race setting forth our radioactive green glow into the new world.

In the far distant future, we have plans of nuking half the galaxy. Thus we will deliver our wonderful teachings and exemplar methods of survival and evolution into every alien race. Think of the possibilities. And think of the greater good, even if you are picked up and sent to the other side of the Earth. Your contribution matters. The ash of your bodies will take on its own holy light and encourage change in the world around you.

Voting for race annihilation will commence on Feb 14 2011 via telepathic contact with your local (biased) leader who will relay results to the highly trained and effective military personnel in change of relocation. Have a nice day.


Next: Why all drinking water should be replaced with high energy drinks.

People, lets look at the numbers.

Superstar Energy Elixer has:

Niacin 150%
Vitamin B12 8000%
Vitamin B6 2000%
Folic Acid 100%
Anabolic Steroids 1500 mg

And Water... Nothing. Nil. Nada. Its just water. Why in the world would you want this when Superstar Energy Elixer makes you-

Strong like Schwarzenegger

Smart like Einstein

Clever like Obama

Suave like Bond

And blind like Ray Charles.

Its time to give up the water, and start living like a Superstar!!!


Next: Why Huey Lewis and the News is the greatest rock band of all time!!