Thread: The New Bad Writing Competition...just for laughs!

i disapprove of your overuse of the phrase 'and shit', shameful...

holy crap...

Are horrific critiques of the horrific posts allowed?

just thought id take it to the next level, it's how i roll

Just about anything goes as long as nobody takes themselves,,,or any of this writing...seriously.

I recommend the use of one of these:


Because:

If Ever, Love, was Love, Forever





chapter 1
***
“ Butt, I love you, John”, I said, as John looked at me, with very sad, sadness, in his very sad eyes, that were looking, at me.

“It can never, never, ever, bee, Celia”, John said. “Wii are like too star crossed luvers, who got crossed in the stars”.

He razed his hand in a fairwell wave. When he waved, his hard, muscular, chest rippled with muscles, that were hard, drawing my eyes right to the hard muscles, that rippled. I qwickly swallowed some dramamine, and, with sadness in my eyes, I waved a sad fairwell to John.

As I razed my hand to wave, my sweater tightened across my bosom, drawing Johns sad eyes to the swell of my bosom. His sad, dark eyes, tightened and flared with passhun, and I could see the passhun flare.

chapter 2
***
John stopped waving, and with a qwick, determined stride, he strode over to me qwickly. His chest glistening in the sun, his muscles were like iron, as he swept me into his strong, manly, iron arms. And my soft, firm, bosom, was crushed against his chest. His firm, chisled lips crushed my soft womanly ones, and we were transported to another werld.

chapter 3
***
When John finally razed his head and looked at me, I swooned. My legs were shaky, like rubber legs, and they shook, cause they were like rubber legs. I had to grab hold of his strong steely arms. I could feel his muscles bugle. John swore, savagely, under his manly breath.
And said, “ I don't give a dam about what the werld may think, and Father can go strate to hell!” “You are the wommin for me!”

“Oh, John!”, I said. I was afraid that we wood never be together!” My womanly lips trembled with a tremble that was feminine and womanly. His pupils dialated and contrackted with manly passhun, and he held me even more crushingly against his manly chest, tightly.

“Oh, Celia,” he said, vehemintly, How could I have been such a fool?” How could I not see that you were the only wommin for me,? wii were maid to be together, and wii will always be together from now on!” He said this very veminhintly, and swore more manly curses.

chapter 4
***
We rapped our arms around each other, and looked at the beutiful sun that was sinking in the eastern horizon beutifully. We new that from now on life wood be wonderful, as long as the son and moon were in the heavens, we wood always be the love for the other one of us.


THE END

Wow. And to think you did that on purpose. That's just truly. Award-winning:

LOL, and it has Favio. I'm awestruck, thunderstruck, and dumbstruck.

Yes, thanks. I have obviously read many romances, and I will proudly accept your humbling award seal, sticker, thingy.

you misspelled 'butt'

John sounds kinda hot

Thank you, sigg for pointing that out. I am such a bad speller, and I have corrected that.

alan, John is sooo hot! Just read this and you will understand how hot he is.

He razed his hand in a fairwell wave. When he waved, his hard, muscular, chest rippled with muscles, that were hard, drawing my eyes right to the hard muscles, that rippled.

more evidence of your obsession with all things phallic, is john made of clay mayhaps?

No, he is not. BUT his last name is... Clay...john clay...it's just a coincidence...i swear.

Thank you for posting the link to this thread Moderan.

He held his magic shield before him like a shield,

Don't quite know why, but this especially cracked me up Alan, though I did feel something should have been "Trusty". Great stuff, off to see what I can dig up/create.

-- from AGAINST THE TIDE OF DEATHTRONS, Book III of THE EARTHFATE CHRONICLES.

Chapter 26

Lord Flexengraff, Siege General Of The Cravamax Terror Fleet, floated in armored splendour above the bustling bridge of his flagship Warmonger. From his mouth emerged hateful booming laughter, augmented by cybervocals into a symphony of hideous glee.

On the massive viewscreen before him lay the shattered remnants of The Solar Fleet -- their last desperate, foolish hope against the unbridled might of the CTF. The rout had nearly been complete. Of the three hunded Solar battleships sent into combat, only sixty remained unvaporized by antimatter missles and pulsing purple vengatron rays. Those few were hulled and shattered, drifting in chaotic orbits around the now helpless planet that filled half the screen like the succulent prize that it actually really was.

The beauteous femmes of Terra, pride of the Galaxy, would become the concubines of the Cravamax Overlords! Nothing could stop their carnal invasion now!

This realization resulted in a bombardment of enhanced laughter so coldly evil that it frightened even the slavebots that served the Lord as his bridge crew. Only Raptaclox 98, the cyborg First Officer, joined him, perhaps because he too retained enough flesh-matter to look forward to the juicy months of blood and otherfluid filled rapine to come!

"NOTHING CAN STOP US NOW!" Boomed Lord Flexengraff, his unholy joy soaring beyond all boundaries.

***

On the bridge of FASTBREAK IV, the lowly scoutship that had proved itself worthy of leading the Solar Fleet by beating off all comers in the Plutonian Trials, only one life still flickered with awareness. Though his body was shattered beyond repair even by the powerful Regeno-SphinchterTubes Of Uranus, Captain Garth Goodelux of Terra clung tenaciously to life. He swallowed hard against the ravaging pain that rippled through him in angry waves, pulling himself along the gore soaked and debris ridden floor of the bridge, towards a hidden panel where a secret button offered The Solar Leauge a ray of hope.

"Must...stop....invasion...." Captain Garth grunted through clenched teeth as he neared his goal. He forced himself to think of the many victims who would perish should he fail: The delightful Spindlemonkies Of Polara Luna, the wise MagmaMen of Mercury, The ancient and noble Rockosaurs Of Undermars, the mysterious but enchanting Bogtocktracox Of Jupiter....these and many more races would be swept way like cosmic dust in the winds of time if he did not persevere!

Only inches now...