Thread: The New Bad Writing Competition...just for laughs!

Great Job everyone!!! I burst out laughing at all of these stories!!

"NO!!" exclaimed Celestiawonder, who is a fairy, as her auburn, shining long blond hair gleamed in the light of the rising sun (but of course in her world the sun is actually the shining eye of a one-eyed cyclops that watches over the world). "All I wanted is my boyfriend back! Please give him back to me!!!"
"HA HA HA HA HA HA!" explicated Mordialloc the Murderer, murderer of fairies. "Your boyfriend is mine because I am actually your estranged father!"
but she saved him
and then she exposited "This is for being the best boyfriend ever!" the end

It is a challenge to be challenged but challenged I am. Write badly or poorly? It sounds like a scam!
I'll write about what I ate at eight and one and five.
To write badly, so poorly. I feel so alive!
Green eggs and toe jam was breakfast for this man
Lunch had a punch of spicy tandoori
I am running out of time for this little story
(I have to wake up at six o'clocko)
But continue I might and continue I may
Dinner was a mean, lean cuisine
Southwest Chicken I say!

So delicious and delightful was my food today
And tonight I wish 'lish and 'light upon all who read and write.
Goodnight, goodnight
Have beautiful dreams!

Oh get out of here. ^ Making me feel bad and stuff 'cause I'm so bad at writing poems that if I wrote that, I'd be oh so very proud of myself.

Funny how you said the "Green eggs" part. The moment I started the poem, it felt like a Dr. Seuss book. The came along that line!

Sometimes I sit and stare at the wall and wonder about things... like, how the world was made and crap. 42.
the end

Thanks Fin! Bet you're a much better poet than you know! And, yes that was Seuss inspired

Some of these are pretty funny. I'll have to work on one, and post it when I get it done.

It's never too late for bad writing.

Originally Posted by Foxee

It's never too late for bad writing.

Should be easy for me then

(Just so you all know, i'm not sure I can write anything worse than this. It took some serious self control to keep from hitting the backspace button. But I can't because it's broke.)

I was walking down the street; and some guy stopped me; pointingto a chair he said to sit; so I shat in the chair; and he told me that Ihad to fulfill a quest; so I got started on it. I went into an alley; someonejumped me; and just like in last months issue of wizards and dungeons; whenlord vard laid the smack down on the green ghost; KAPOW! I hit him; and he fellback; but just when I thought I would escape; not now mom; oops; I didn’t meanto type that; but my backspace key is broke; I hate living in moms basement; surelythe publisher can delete this part; my mom says Im a great writer.
Anyways back to the story. He got up, like WASHAAA and hit me, and I said !@*&. Literally. I said exclamation point, at, asterisk, ampersand. I don’t like to cuss. But I wasn’t beat yet. I put up a counter force field projector, buteven that couldn’t overcome his anti gravitational laser beam. PACHEW! PACHEW! He fired it at me. I ducked, and pulled out my fire enchanted dagger! Level 85 sucker! Gosh this is so cool, this is like my beststory ever. I bet Ill get lots of money,and I can finally get a new minivan, and a huge supply of acne cream! But back to the story, I stabbed him with itand he hit the carpet, screaming like a gypsy on steroids.
ARGHHHHH! THAT HURT! Hewhispered. but even tho he was down, I didn’t want to take any chanses,so i beat him up, really, really bad.

But was it really over? Stay turned, my loyal fans, for part 2!

Many great moments in this incredibly stinky piece of writing, I applaud you! "not now mom;oops" LOL! Lots of greatly horrible moments in this.

Scary thing is how often I've seen the 'ARGHHHH!' kind of thing done in published works.

I hereby award you the Putrid Toad Award!

...Don't worry folks, that's not the only bad writing award... this thread can go on forever.

...

woohoo! i'm gonna put it next to my star wars action figures!

It was a dark and stormy night. I was sitting at the computer typing. My legs were stretched out in front of me and crossed at the ankles, right foot over left. The left side of my chair was feeling uncomfortable, so I shifted my weight slightly to the right, probably placing about 80% of my weight on my right butt cheek, and 10% of of my weight on my left.

You might be wondering, "What about the other 10%?" Well, I'll explain. You see. I have legs. And while a lot of the weight of my upper legs would have still been resting on my rear end, the weight from both legs from about knee down, would have been supported by my left foot which as I said earlier was under my right foot because I was crossing them at the ankle. I suppose you could say that 80% of that weight (from my legs from the knee down) was weighing on my left foot which was on bottom, and probably the other 20% was on the right foot. But that is just an estimate, I didn't sit there and weigh everything to be sure, but you get the idea.

Then my right cheek was getting sore, so I shifted a little bit to the left. Instead of keeping my legs crossed at the ankle, I leaned forward and moved my right leg back almost directly underneath the chair. Now my weight was distributed much differently. The main places I could feel the pressures of gravity at work were on my left heel, my right big toe, and my left buttock. Oh sure there was a little bit on the back of my right thigh, that goes without saying, but it was minimal at best.

I have to laugh as I'm reminded of the time when my phone rang. My phone is located to my right, but my mouse is also located to my right. What to do? What to do? I couldn't just pick up the phone with my right hand (even though it would have been so convenient to do so) because then I would have to let go of the mouse, which isn't good because I like to click things. Even when I have no window open, I sometimes just click on the desktop and drag the cursor to the opposite corner of the screen, because it makes a rectangle shape. If you have no icons within your rectangle when you let go of the mouse button, the rectangle just dissappears. Well... I suppose it dissappears either way, but if there are icons within your rectangle, they will be selected when you let go of the button.

Anyway, I just answered the phone with my left hand, so I didn't have to worry about it. But that meant I had to reach all the way across my body, thereby placing practically 100% of my weight on my right hip. I say "practically" because I'm sure some of it was held up by my right forearm (and by forearm I mean all of the length of my arm from the elbow to my hand (which was gripping the mouse)).

This was difficult because as I mentioned previously, my right buttock was sore from all of the sitting I had been doing. So I told the person on the phone that I would call them back because there was something I needed to attend to. I hung up the phone and then stood up to releive the pressure from my bottom. Now My weight was shifted exactly 100% to my feet. I can say "exactly" because nothing else was touching the floor, or the desk or any other horizontal surface. I went to call the person back but I couldn't because they didn't tell me their name or leave a phone number or anything.

It was a dark and stormy night, but I slept well that night because of all of the excitement and rigorous physical activity that I went through that evening.

Obi! I haven't seen you in forever, probably because I haven't been around enough. Or maybe you haven't been around enough. Or maybe we haven't been around enough together. I dunno.

I have to laugh as I'm reminded of the time when my phone rang.

I usually cry over my phone memories.

I am happy to see that you listen to your body, so many people don't do that and hence have no idea where they are, especially not what percent is where.