New Agent Query Letter - Writers Forum

JP Wagner · 07-28-2007, 03:00 AM

Again, this is for fursona. I took Mike C's advice and took out all words relating to furries, (except furosna, which is kind of the titile) and tried to make it more about the instinct and reason, animal human thing.

any critique is appreciated. any help is appreciated too. be honest, because it's the only way I'll get better. heh. thanks in advance for the help.

There's a bit of "beast" in all of us. The line between instinct and reason is not as sharp as one might think, blurring the distinctions between what is animal and what is human. Would it be tempting fate for a man to step too close to that line?Francis Robert Fox has always felt out of place. His entire life he has been obsessed with animals and feels he can relate to them better than his fellow humans. Being an artist, he creates a fictional alter ego for himself, a half human half animal anthropomorphic creature called a “fursona.”
After spending several months in a foreign country surrounded by people who feel the same way he does, Frank comes to learn that some have taken this lifestyle even farther. He journeys through the mountains to find a hidden community called Furtopia. This community, through genetic engineering with animal DNA, turns his fursona from dream to reality. At first Frank is fine with this, but eventually he begins to question if he can really live a full life in this manner. He is forced to take pills every day to suppress the animal genes that are now a part of him, without these pills he might lose himself, if the choice between his new love Selena and the rebel group intent on breaking out of the community doesn’t tear him apart first.
Can he ever return to the real world? Would mankind accept him how he is if he did? Where is the line between human and animal drawn?

so whaddya think? if you were an agetn would u be interested? (dont hesitate to say no if thats what you think)

JP Wagner · 07-28-2007, 07:13 PM

anyone? any comments at all are appreciated

mammamaia · 07-28-2007, 08:26 PM

sorry, but that's a jacket blurb, not a query letter... not bad for jacket copy, but the author doesn't get to write that...

a query letter has to be a letter... should start out with why you're approaching this person and give title and length and 5-6 word concept... followed by a single paragraph about the story/plot/main characters that contains NO questions [annoying as bleep to most agents/publishers]...

final paragraph should be a brief rundown of your paid publishing credits if you have any worth mentioning and an offer to send sample chapters or complete ms on request... close with thanks for considering, etc. and that's it... follow each one's guidelines for what to enclose, if anything...

JP Wagner · 07-28-2007, 09:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mammamaia

sorry, but that's a jacket blurb, not a query letter... not bad for jacket copy, but the author doesn't get to write that...

a query letter has to be a letter... should start out with why you're approaching this person and give title and length and 5-6 word concept... followed by a single paragraph about the story/plot/main characters that contains NO questions [annoying as bleep to most agents/publishers]...

final paragraph should be a brief rundown of your paid publishing credits if you have any worth mentioning and an offer to send sample chapters or complete ms on request... close with thanks for considering, etc. and that's it... follow each one's guidelines for what to enclose, if anything...

ah, well I do have an opening paragraph of why I'm approaching and an ending paragraph offering to send the sample chapters or whole thing, I just didnt put that part in there, as I was mostly concerend with summary to catch their interest. (other than poetry publications which i dont think would be applicable here i dont have anything worth mentioning)

Im sorry, but I dont get exactly what you mean by the 5-6 word concept.

and as for the single paragraph, minus the questions, what would be the main difference between that and the jacket blurb?

thanks again for the help!

JP.

lin · 07-28-2007, 10:04 PM

Don't worry about that 5-6 stuff.

And don't worry about "why I'm choosing you"...they know why you are writing to them. Unless it something like they represented somebody else who had a big hit with furriness.

Most of us understand it's not the whole letter.

Concentrate on getting the idea across, not trying to sell it. Ditch the first two lines. Try to boil your story down into one sentence, then build up from that to a paragraph.

mammamaia · 07-29-2007, 08:30 PM

Quote:

Im sorry, but I dont get exactly what you mean by the 5-6 word concept.

...as in,

Quote:

'"xxxxx xx xxx" is an irreverent dissection of the film industry, complete at 100,000 words.

...or whatever...

Quote:

and as for the single paragraph, minus the questions, what would be the main difference between that and the jacket blurb?

...there should be no questions in the query [or your synopsis] and the main elements of the plot should be laid out, along with a bit about the main characters [protag/antag/important secondary characters]...

...agents and publishers don't want to be teased, they want to know what the book is about, so they can decide if they think it can make them money, or not...

JP Wagner · 07-30-2007, 03:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mammamaia

...as in,

...or whatever...

...there should be no questions in the query [or your synopsis] and the main elements of the plot should be laid out, along with a bit about the main characters [protag/antag/important secondary characters]...

...agents and publishers don't want to be teased, they want to know what the book is about, so they can decide if they think it can make them money, or not...

hmm, now that's kind of interesting, because it presents me with two problems. one: doing that all within one paragraph

and two: doing it without mentioning the word furry.

wow,
anyone wanna offer any help on that? hehe ^.^

and thanks maia. appreciated as always

Mike C · 07-30-2007, 05:00 AM

I agree with Maia on the concept thing - you have to give the agent a place to neatly pigeonhole the book. Compare it to something else out there. Compare your style to another author (preferably one they already represent!). That first sentence flips a switch in the agent's mind labelled "I can sell this".

Your query has to sell the book (but aside from that aspect, I agree with Lin's comments). Most manuscripts will be rejected unread if the query doesn't give the agent what (s)he needs.

JP Wagner · 07-30-2007, 05:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mike C

I agree with Maia on the concept thing - you have to give the agent a place to neatly pigeonhole the book. Compare it to something else out there. Compare your style to another author (preferably one they already represent!). That first sentence flips a switch in the agent's mind labelled "I can sell this".

Your query has to sell the book (but aside from that aspect, I agree with Lin's comments). Most manuscripts will be rejected unread if the query doesn't give the agent what (s)he needs.

well the thing is, I was origionally considering comparing it to H.G. Well's Island of Dr. Moreau, I mean, he did that based on vivisection and it was about turning animals into human like creatures and what happens because of that, my book is about turning humans into animal like creatures and the results of that, so it's kind of the inverse, using furries as the excuse (yea, thats right, i used them ^.^)

do you think I should go with that angel? start it out with something like "In the island of dr Moreau hg wells explored the dnagers of turning animals into human like creatures, my 70,000 word sicence fiction novel Fursona explores the dangers of humans willingly turning themselves into animal like creatures, or, "Fursonas"

and thakns for the help.

spider8 · 07-30-2007, 05:50 AM

surely a query letter should begin with "Would you consider reading my novel -[ title ]. It is 100 000 words and 300 pages" etc. Then you tell the agent what market you're aiming at and why it would be attractive- sellable. Enclose a brief one-page synopsis on a seperate sheet (entitled 'synopsis') which is a run down of the plot and themes including the end. What you've posted above is as semi synopsis/jacket blurb, the agent doesn't want that. It should be brief, double line spaced, and avoid fancy fonts.

JP Wagner · 07-31-2007, 12:08 AM

alright, so synopsis should be a thing of itself, and int he letter i should write the into paragraph about why i contacted them, then compare fusona to soemthign already done like island of dr moreau, but the thing im concerned about is how much of the plot to give in the lil paragraph about the plot in the letter, i dont know how i can fit the whole thing into one paragraph to be honest. or if i put a synopsis is the part in the letter less important?

thanks again for all the help.

Mike C · 07-31-2007, 01:24 AM

Query Letters - Tara K. Harper, Author FAQ

This might help.

JP Wagner · 07-31-2007, 03:13 AM

I've been doing some revisions, tell me if I'm getting better. (and yes, im leaving out the paragraph that says why im contacting them (seeing as how it will be different for every agent) and the last paragraph syaing that manuscript is ready to be sent.) this is just the description and comparison and stuff.

Based on cultural concern for vivisection, H. G. Wells responded with a novel showing the extremes it could reach. In “The Island of Dr. Moreau” he shows us the dangers of transforming animals into human-like creatures. Fursona shows the opposite, the dangers of transforming humans into animal-like creatures.
Frank has always felt out of place. His entire life he has been obsessed with animals and feels he can relate to them better than his fellow humans. Being an artist, he creates a fictional alter ego for himself, a half human half animal anthropomorphic creature called a “fursona.”
After spending several months in a foreign country where his type of thinking is the norm, Frank comes to learn that many have taken this lifestyle even farther. He journeys through the mountains to find a hidden community called Furtopia. This community, through genetic engineering with animal DNA, turns his fursona from dream to reality. At first Frank is fine with this, but eventually he begins to question if he can really live a full life in this manner. He is forced to take pills every day to suppress the animal genes that are now a part of him, without these pills he might lose himself, if the choice between his new love Selena and the rebel group intent on breaking out of the community doesn’t tear him apart first.

any better thoughts on this one? or is it still terrible? heh.

mammamaia · 07-31-2007, 08:37 PM

too much not needed, imo... i'd simplify and add some of the much needed detail... here's just an example of what you can do:

H. G. Wells' “The Island of Dr. Moreau” shows the downside of transforming animals into human-like creatures. Fursona shows the opposite--the downside of transforming humans into animal-like creatures.
Frank always felt out of place, feels he can relate to animals better than to his fellow humans. He creates a fictional alter ego, a half human/half animal creature he calls a “fursona.” Later making himself into one, with the help of a cult of similar-minded folk, he faces losing his human side and his new love, when conflict arises with a rebel group in the community.

JP Wagner · 07-31-2007, 10:09 PM

hmmmm, well that does break down what I was saying into alot less very well. thanks maia, but what needed detail do you speak of that I still need?

would the paragraph telling the agent the word count genre and stuff and why i contacted him coupled with the ending and this paragraph you wrote or one similar constitute a good letter?
if not, what else is missing?

thanks again for all the help everyone, it's greatly appreciated.