spider8

Mammamaia's first para should be in the letter and the second para should be in the synopsis. Also, don't forget, many readers for agencies/publishers prefer not to read either but start immediately on page 1 and read as long as it grabs their attention. I don't really understand part of your post, I have to say; haven't you looked up agencies/publishers and seen what their submission policies are? They normally ask for a letter, synopsis and first three chapters. They might not even get to page two or three of your story if you don't grab them. In the letter, try and talk to the busnessman, in the synopsis, talk to the reader, and although great books don't always start brilliantly, a first novel has to do this. They get too many submissions to have the time to get to page twenty before they get hooked. You've got to do it on page one, then two and keep going. Sometime, you must post page one on the site. From what I gather it is the most important part. Perhaps two or three and title the pages 'Page One' so we can see. The reason I say this is because I recently read accounts from freelance readers for publishers and editors who (perhaps arrogantly) believe they can tell a good book, or at least if someone can write, based on the first three pages.

JP Wagner

ive been looking at alot of examples of letters written for already published books. just based on a style that i saw frequenly, I figured I'd try soemthing different and see what people here thought. again, any and all advice appreciated.

thanks in advance.


H. G. Wells' “The Island of Dr. Moreau” shows the downside of transforming animals into human-like creatures. Fursona shows the opposite--the downside of transforming humans into animal-like creatures.
Frank Fox always felt out of place, feels he can relate to animals better than to his fellow humans. He creates a fictional alter ego, a half human/half animal creature he calls a “fursona.” With the help of a cult of similar-minded folk, and genetic engineering with animal DNA, Frank’s fursona turns from dream to reality. The most immediate cost of his transformation: he must spend the rest of his life within a hidden community. With new urges raging inside him thanks to the animal genes now a part of him, he not only faces losing his new love when conflict arises with a rebel group in the community, but his humanity as well.
After betraying his lover to her death unknowingly by aiding the rebel group in their escape, Frank returns to the outside world where he and the other members of the community come face to face with the reality they forgot, and the consequences of their decision to alter themselves.
At 70,000 words Fursona is a sociological science fiction tale that entertains with action and raises questions that will keep the reader thinking long after it’s put down.
Synopsis, sample chapters, and/or complete manuscript are ready to be sent upon your request. Thank you for your time, I look forward to hearing from you.
any thoughts?

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mammamaia

...what i added in the sample... doesn't need any more, imo...

...yes...

...the new version still has too much overwordy stuff about the story... a single paragraph is enough, imo... i'd distill what you have there to a 'leaner and cleaner' minimum... something like this:

Quote:

H. G. Wells' “The Island of Dr. Moreau” shows the downside of transforming animals into human-like creatures. Fursona shows the opposite--the downside of transforming humans into animal-like creatures. Frank Fox always felt out of place, feels he can relate to animals better than to his fellow humans. He creates a fictional alter ego, a half human/half animal creature he calls a “fursona.” With the help of a cult of similar-minded folk, and genetic engineering, Frank’s dream becomes reality, but he must spend the rest of his life in a hidden community. With animal genes now driving him, when conflict arises with a rebel group in the community, he faces not only losing his new love, but his humanity as well.After unknowingly causing his lover's death by helping the rebel group to escape, Frank returns to the outside world where he and other members of the community must face reality and the consequences of their decision to alter themselves.

Quote:

Mammamaia's first para should be in the letter and the second para should be in the synopsis.

don't know what you're referring to, spider, as i only had one paragraph in that sample revision...

Quote:

in the synopsis, talk to the reader

the synopsis is also for the 'business' folks [agents and publishers], not for readers... and they need to know all the elements of the plot from start to finish, not be teased...

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JP Wagner

i like ur cut down paragraph alot, and thanks for the help i appreciate it!

one more question, the second paragraph I had there saying fursona at 70,000 words ect, do you think that's fine the way it is? or shoudl I put that at the tpo of the letter?

thanks again for all the help everyone!

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mammamaia

i like it where you put it... it really doesn't matter that much, as long as the info is in there somewhere...

best of luck to you... sounds like a good read!

hugs, m

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JP Wagner

lol thanks! ^.^ and thank you so much for the help!

thanks everyone for your help on this, when (not if ^.^) this gets published ill make sure to mention the people here in the aknowledgment page. heh.

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