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05-19-2007, 03:25 AM
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#1
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 291
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comma use question
Hi all,
Another quick question I've been wondering about. Which one of these is right?
“Lance Farrell,” Clancy said, as he read the name from the page the officer gave him. “Let me go run this. If you’ll excuse me for a moment, I’ll be right back.”
“Lance Farrell,” Clancy said as he read the name from the page the officer gave him. “Let me go run this. If you’ll excuse me for a moment, I’ll be right back.”
The difference is the comma after 'said'.
Thanks.
CF
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05-19-2007, 03:41 AM
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#2
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: United States
Gender: Male
Posts: 242
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The first one. Just think of commas as being the symbol for a natural pause.
__________________
Spice it up.
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05-19-2007, 11:12 AM
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#3
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Best Seller
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 654
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They're both right, but the second one sounds very convoluted without a pause, just reading it straight off. Well, both seem pretty convoluted. If I was you, I'd just say:
Quote:
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Clancy stared at the page the officer had given him. “Lance Farrell,” he said (for a pause in dialogue). “Let me go run this. If you’ll excuse me for a moment, I’ll be right back.”
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05-19-2007, 11:33 AM
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#4
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Profound Writer
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Twyford, UK
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,275
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Krim is right, they are both correct, it is just that with the comma it has more of a natural flow. It isn't down to grammar, more to the flow of the prose.
__________________
"Who is the third who walks always beside you?
When I count, there are only you and I together
But when I look ahead up the white road
There is always another one walking beside you"
-"The Wasteland" by T.S. Elliot
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05-19-2007, 07:06 PM
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#5
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Wordsmith
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Back 'home' on Tinian!
Gender: Female
Posts: 11,445
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technically, only the first is 'right,' since what follows is an independent clause showing corresponding action, introduced with the conjunctiion 'as'...
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