Character Mentality - Writers Forum

theflowerofcarnage · 09-24-2006, 03:10 PM

My work is commonly written in the perspective of a teenage girl, but I strongly believe that it is something that's overdone. I also have a habit of making the character's mentality too similar to my own and the story becomes very personal. Because of this, I'm now more interested in steering towards attempting to crawl into the mentality of someone who's older or who's not a girl.

The story I'm currently working on typically revolves around middle-aged characters. One situation involves a woman who becomes pregnant at sixteen and recklessly runs off with her boyfriend. He never has any intention of marrying her in the twenty years they live together, so she decides to abandon him and recieve a proper education. My question is, is it normal for him to illustrate neediness and be sceptical about moving on when he's insanely in love with his girlfriend? His friends encourage him to date women, but when he does it never leads to something more. Would it be normal for a man to turn down the offers of an attractive woman who's willing to sleep with him when he's entirely hung up on someone else? Or is that too unrealistic? I've read over my work and speculated about it, but I'm not certain how authentic his character is. Any feedback would be appreciated.

Hakeem · 09-24-2006, 03:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by theflowerofcarnage

My question is, is it normal for him to illustrate neediness and be skeptical about moving on when he's insanely in love with his girlfriend? His friends encourage him to date women, but when he does it never leads to something more. Would it be normal for a man to turn down the offers of an attractive woman who's willing to sleep with him when he's entirely hung up on someone else?

Of course it would be normal for him to be skeptical about the situation. If he lived with this woman for twenty years [regarding of whether he intended to marry her or not] he would have developed a very strong relationship with her, which will be very hard to break no matter what-- thus his inability to move on. [Dating other women]

What is more, is that he is 'insanly in love' with her... it would be irrational if he didn't show any signs of neediness for her.

FrankBlissett · 09-24-2006, 04:03 PM

Quote:

Would it be normal for a man to turn down the offers of an attractive woman who's willing to sleep with him when he's entirely hung up on someone else?

Yes. Middle-aged guys are (a little) more rational than teen-agers. Even without the female MC in his life, he may still be the sort who wants to take it a bit slow.

Of course, you can easily work it the other way and have him go for a potential one-night stand. Either way it's workable and believable.

-Frank

imrhati · 09-24-2006, 05:22 PM

most guys would go with the attrctive woman and cross thier figners the other didn't find out (and if you say you wouldn't your either gay or lying).

valeca · 09-24-2006, 06:23 PM

Don't worry overly much if it's unrealistic for the average male; worry if it's unrealistic for your character and how you've defined him/his characteristics, how he's grown over the past 20 years, etc.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Middle_aged

Policeartist · 09-24-2006, 06:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by theflowerofcarnage

My work is commonly written in the perspective of a teenage girl, but I strongly believe that it is something that's overdone. I also have a habit of making the character's mentality too similar to my own and the story becomes very personal. Because of this, I'm now more interested in steering towards attempting to crawl into the mentality of someone who's older or who's not a girl.

The story I'm currently working on typically revolves around middle-aged characters. One situation involves a woman who becomes pregnant at sixteen and recklessly runs off with her boyfriend. He never has any intention of marrying her in the twenty years they live together, so she decides to abandon him and recieve a proper education. My question is, is it normal for him to illustrate neediness and be sceptical about moving on when he's insanely in love with his girlfriend? His friends encourage him to date women, but when he does it never leads to something more. Would it be normal for a man to turn down the offers of an attractive woman who's willing to sleep with him when he's entirely hung up on someone else? Or is that too unrealistic? I've read over my work and speculated about it, but I'm not certain how authentic his character is. Any feedback would be appreciated.

Any guy who gets a woman pg and doesn't care to commit to marriage is not a mature adult. Yeah, he's crazy about her, but like a kid. He wants all the goodies, but not the committment.

You say she's ABANDONING HIM??????? Good heavens, she's leaving a bum!!! He can't even give his name to her child! DON'T EVEN SAY IT'S JUST A PIECE OF PAPER...

This guy wouldn't turn down any offers. He'd jump the bones of any free woman offering the goods. He likes his free....well....

I think there wouldn't be many good qualities to this guy. He might be "hung up" on his girlfriend, but not enough to marry her or to provide as a husband or father to his child. Her being pregnant at 16 to this guy makes her a victim of rape as she's underage in most states. She was a child. They stayed together for twenty years.....she was a child when she married, so she wouldn't know any better.

What's his problem???...I have no idea, but this would be a very complicated relationship and it would take a lot of work to make this a believable situation.

Hung up?? Obsessed over her, yeah. Unable to commit to others--are you KIDDING ME? He hasn't committed yet!!

Just a thought.
-Been there, got the bruises.

Pat · 09-24-2006, 10:28 PM

You asked if a man would sleep with other women despite true love for another woman. I'm only a teenager, and I do my best to keep sexual urges in check, despite those around me, whose only goal in life is to "get laid this weekend." I think that the mentality wherein men in general sleep around is disgusting, hedonistic, and barbaric, and I think if this character is at all respectable, and truely in love with this woman, he'd know better than to sleep around.

Remember, just because the stereotype of men is to be pigs, does not mean that all men are pigs.

bob rulz · 09-25-2006, 12:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Policeartist

Any guy who gets a woman pg and doesn't care to commit to marriage is not a mature adult. Yeah, he's crazy about her, but like a kid. He wants all the goodies, but not the committment.

You say she's ABANDONING HIM??????? Good heavens, she's leaving a bum!!! He can't even give his name to her child! DON'T EVEN SAY IT'S JUST A PIECE OF PAPER...

This guy wouldn't turn down any offers. He'd jump the bones of any free woman offering the goods. He likes his free....well....

I think there wouldn't be many good qualities to this guy. He might be "hung up" on his girlfriend, but not enough to marry her or to provide as a husband or father to his child. Her being pregnant at 16 to this guy makes her a victim of rape as she's underage in most states. She was a child. They stayed together for twenty years.....she was a child when she married, so she wouldn't know any better.

What's his problem???...I have no idea, but this would be a very complicated relationship and it would take a lot of work to make this a believable situation.

Hung up?? Obsessed over her, yeah. Unable to commit to others--are you KIDDING ME? He hasn't committed yet!!

Just a thought.
-Been there, got the bruises.

WTF is this supposed to be?

Mike C · 09-25-2006, 02:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Policeartist

Any guy who gets a woman pg and doesn't care to commit to marriage is not a mature adult. Yeah, he's crazy about her, but like a kid. He wants all the goodies, but not the committment.

You say she's ABANDONING HIM??????? Good heavens, she's leaving a bum!!! He can't even give his name to her child! DON'T EVEN SAY IT'S JUST A PIECE OF PAPER...

This guy wouldn't turn down any offers. He'd jump the bones of any free woman offering the goods. He likes his free....well....

I think there wouldn't be many good qualities to this guy. He might be "hung up" on his girlfriend, but not enough to marry her or to provide as a husband or father to his child. Her being pregnant at 16 to this guy makes her a victim of rape as she's underage in most states. She was a child. They stayed together for twenty years.....she was a child when she married, so she wouldn't know any better.

What's his problem???...I have no idea, but this would be a very complicated relationship and it would take a lot of work to make this a believable situation.

Hung up?? Obsessed over her, yeah. Unable to commit to others--are you KIDDING ME? He hasn't committed yet!!

Just a thought.
-Been there, got the bruises.

What a lot of bull. I know several people who never got married, but have kids in late teens/twenties. It doesn't make them any less committed to each other, nor does a marriage certificate garnered just for the sake of 'giving the kid a name' give any guarantee of fidelity, or longevity of relationship. The fact that they stayed together for 20 years is a much bigger indication of commitment than a certificate, don't you think? Does the fact that he hung around for 20 years make him a bum?

His neediness or whatever will be exactly the same as for a married man whose wife ran out after 20 years. That certificate doesn't bestow on people an extra capacity to feel.

aspiring · 09-25-2006, 02:46 AM

Methinks Policeartist is basing all knowledge on one personal experience.

It is perfectly possible to be in a committed, loving relationship for 20 years (including children) and not get married.

My question would be, why does the woman feel that she cannot get a 'proper education' with her partner? Why is she determined to get married? Women don't just leave the love of their life because he won't marry them - there must be some deeper insecurity there. Why is marriage so important to her? And what are you going to do with the child in all of this?

Sixteen is the age of consent in the UK and I don't have any problem with her getting pregnant at that age. Sadly it happens here all too often.

This is how your story situation appears to me: the girl gets pregnant and falls in love. She is young, has to forego further education in order to bring up her child (what does her partner do? Presumably doesn't earn enough for childcare). As the years go by and she watches her child grow up, she starts to realise everything she missed out on. The child is constantly encouraging the mother to 'go back to school' and gradually the woman grows in confidence. However, as she becomes more secure as a person, she also starts to see the weaknesses in her partner. He is frightened of her intelligence, maybe - that's why he never encouraged her to resume education. Perhaps he's prone to depression, and whilst she's always supported him in the past, he refuses to seek medical help and she becomes tired of being his only prop. Plus there's the fact that he won't marry her, which makes her feel he will never really consider her an 'equal' but still the little girl he once knew.

So she leaves him - and he falls apart, because she meant everything to him. She, on the other hand, goes from strength to strength and finally discovers who she is.

Perfectly logical story.

Policeartist · 09-25-2006, 04:59 AM

On the contrary, I'm passing on experience over a rather long lifetime. Read again what this young woman wrote:

One situation involves a woman who becomes pregnant at sixteen and recklessly runs off with her boyfriend. He never has any intention of marrying her in the twenty years they live together, so she decides to abandon him and recieve a proper education.

1.Recklessly runs off with her boyfriend. The writer indicates this was not a well thought out or mature act.

2. HE never has any intention of marrying her... (Emphasis mine) I repeat, she's sixteen and foolish (as indicated above). The writer doesn't say SHE desires marriage, only that HE doesn't want marriage. Yeah, there are relationships that last without benefit of marriage, although after seven years (at least here) it's what's known as a common law marriage. So the writer indicates only that he is the only one not wanting to get married. She may very well have wanted to get married.

3. He never has any intention of marrying her in the twenty years they live together so she decides to...
Her decision comes after the comment about marriage, so it's logical to assume the marriage issue is a big part of her decision. If one partner wants marriage, and the second "has no intention of marrying," it's not a mutual choice but the choice of only one. Yeah, I see him as a bum. One person's choice.

4. Abandon him and receive a proper education... Abandon him??? That still throws me. I do see that she want more out of life than being unmarried, middle aged, without education and with a man that is immature.

Yeah, aspiring, women do indeed leave the "love of their life" if they have needs that are unfullfilled. Marriage is a committment and a covenant relationship.

Policeartist · 09-25-2006, 05:29 AM

PS: one final clue from the writer about the man in question. After twenty years of living together, he still thinks of her as his "girlfriend."

Mike C · 09-25-2006, 09:06 AM

I have to agree with aspiring. After 20 years, marital status isn't going to be the same kind of issue. Or it'd be one that she'd have dome something about long ago.

And PA, you're piling all the responsibility on the guy. As you point out, she's the one who is reckless at the outset. Regardless of marital status, he stands by her. 20 years on, she decides to break the family up - her recklessness, not his, if you want to assign blame. How, in any of this, is he the irresponsible one?

The fact that she decides she wants more out of life and their marital status, in the real world, are separate issues. It happens to married people all the time.

And as for the 'girlfriend' thing... my colleague lives with his partner. They have no intention of getting married. They have 2 kids. They've been together over 10 years. He refers to her as his girlfriend, because that's what she is. He could call her his common-law wife, but it's a bit of a mouthful.

Don't people ever just live together where you come from?

aspiring · 09-25-2006, 10:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Policeartist

1.Recklessly runs off with her boyfriend. The writer indicates this was not a well thought out or mature act.

Well of course not. She's sixteen, pregnant and scared.

Quote:

2. HE never has any intention of marrying her...

At the time of running off with her, I don't see why this would be surprising. However, as Mike says, he stuck by her for 20 years, so it doesn't mean he doesn't love her.

Quote:

3. He never has any intention of marrying her in the twenty years they live together so she decides to...
Her decision comes after the comment about marriage, so it's logical to assume the marriage issue is a big part of her decision. If one partner wants marriage, and the second "has no intention of marrying," it's not a mutual choice but the choice of only one. Yeah, I see him as a bum. One person's choice.

So just because he doesn't want to get married, that makes him a bum? Why should he just do what she wants him to do if it goes against his own wishes? Who died and made you God?!

Quote:

Yeah, aspiring, women do indeed leave the "love of their life" if they have needs that are unfullfilled.

Of course they do. That's exactly what I said. However, if my husband had told me he never wanted to get married, I would have stayed with him. He fulfils all my other needs - why shouldn't I compromise on that one?

I met a bloke in his sixties the other day who refers to his long-term partner as his girlfriend, by the way. Stop generalising.

slayerofangels · 09-25-2006, 10:57 AM

If you could bottle the tension in this thread you'd make a fortune. Seriously though, I have to agree with aspiring and Mike on this one.