Advice - Writers Forum

S1E9A8N5 · 07-21-2006, 01:00 AM

I wrote a summary for my story. I was trying to do an introductory paragraph but I dont think it fits. I know it needs work but I was wondering what you thought of it. What changes you would make and what mistakes there are. It's so hard to write down what I see in my head. I'm obviously not a writer writer but I do want to write this one story that I have.

Thanks

Sean

It all began in the early 21st Century what could have been considered to be the Third World War. Terrorism was just the beginning for illness and disease plagued the country. Tainting prescribed and over the counter drugs while fatal viruses spread through out the cities killing millions of innocent lives…

But what if the terrorists were not terrorists themselves but your own government doing everything in its power to keep you from knowing the truth…

Dookie · 07-21-2006, 07:49 AM

What you've got there sounds more like a blurb on the back of a book, meant to draw someone in to read it. You should write a synopsis of what happens and then we can say if it's a good idea or not.

Straylight · 07-21-2006, 09:57 AM

Opening a story with passive-voiced exposition is a great way to make me (personally) put the book down. The snipped from the second paragraph is also passive-voiced exposition. Nothing about it is engaging at all.

Cut it all and open your story when something actually happens. You can sketch in your historical and political views after that.

~SL

Stewart · 07-21-2006, 10:07 AM

Use scenes to show the devastation rather than tell the reader what has happened.

S1E9A8N5 · 07-22-2006, 03:34 AM

Thanks.

Hakeem · 07-22-2006, 06:59 AM

I agree, you maybe want to try to use scenes and events to describe what happened, this way it will not make the reader 'put the book down'.

Terri_Mo · 07-22-2006, 09:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by S1E9A8N5

I wrote a summary for my story. I was trying to do an introductory paragraph but I dont think it fits. I know it needs work but I was wondering what you thought of it. What changes you would make and what mistakes there are. It's so hard to write down what I see in my head. I'm obviously not a writer writer but I do want to write this one story that I have. Thanks Sean

It all began in the early 21st Century what could have been considered to be the Third World War. Terrorism was just the beginning for illness and disease plagued the country. Tainting prescribed and over the counter drugs while fatal viruses spread through out the cities killing millions of innocent lives…

But what if the terrorists were not terrorists themselves but your own government doing everything in its power to keep you from knowing the truth…

No offense, but I think you all misunderstood what Sean is asking. This is a summary aka blurb aka query. Not the opening paragraph of his book. It's meant to draw you in and get your attention, so, imo, aside from needing some tightening, this isn't bad.

Now, Sean, if this is truly a work of fiction (because it would make a great thriller) and you want to write this book, then I suggest rewriting your first paragraph because your sentences are fragmented and don't actually make sense.

And, as an aside, being that I'm still new here and I don't know all the serious from the unserious writers, if I'm falling into a "trap"...well....been there before.

S1E9A8N5 · 07-22-2006, 10:51 AM

Quote:

No offense, but I think you all misunderstood what Sean is asking. This is a summary aka blurb aka query. Not the opening paragraph of his book. It's meant to draw you in and get your attention, so, imo, aside from needing some tightening, this isn't bad.

Now, Sean, if this is truly a work of fiction (because it would make a great thriller) and you want to write this book, then I suggest rewriting your first paragraph because your sentences are fragmented and don't actually make sense.

And, as an aside, being that I'm still new here and I don't know all the serious from the unserious writers, if I'm falling into a "trap"...well....been there before.

I don't know what you mean by falling in a trap...? But I do need help writing. I don't want to be a "serious" writer. I just have a story that I would like to tell, and write it good as I can. I do need advice on what to do besides "reading more books". Any advice would be appreciated. I wasn't very good in English. Bored me to death. As for fiction or non-fiction. This story holds a lot of truth to it but will be exaggerated since it will take place in the near future. So I don't know if that makes it non-fiction or fiction. The story I want to write is like BRAVE NEW WORLD, and the movie Equilibrium. That type of story. So if you could help, that would be great.

Thanks again.

Hakeem · 07-22-2006, 11:54 AM

Hey S1.. whoa take it easy!

The idea is good but the writing needs some work. If you want any help just say it.

And I didn't like the 'read more books' advise either..

S1E9A8N5 · 07-22-2006, 12:20 PM

Quote:

Hey S1.. whoa take it easy!

lol.

Quote:

The idea is good but the writing needs some work.

That was just a summary sort of but yea, my writing does need work!

Quote:

And I didn't like the 'read more books' advise either..

I don't see how reading more books would help someone. I know it's good to see how other people write so you can get an idea. But I dont want to write write using large words etc. I was told that the best way to write is to write how you speak but do it well...

Quote:

If you want any help just say it.

I need help?

Sean

Terri_Mo · 07-22-2006, 01:00 PM

Hey Sean...just covering my ass, I've been in forums where people put up threads just to start a flame war....and, being the devil's advocate I am (giving everyone the benefit of the doubt), I tend to fall into the traps. There was no offense meant.

That said, I have to tell you, if you want to write a great book, you'll have to learn from the more established writers, meaning you're going to have to read other books. Books by authors in the same genre you wish to write Consider it "on the job training", you'll not only learn style, you'll learn pace...which for a thriller, is a must. You should also read "how to" books on craft. Donald Maass has a good one out, so does Evan Marshall. (I think that's his name)

High school and life are the extent of my education. Everything I learned, I learned from books. (hey, isn't that a kindergarten poem?) I can help you with any questions you may have, but I can't write for you. You're going to have to learn on your own. Trial and error.

Best of luck.

T

S1E9A8N5 · 07-22-2006, 03:10 PM

I'm not trying to be rude or anything so If I come off like that, sorry lol. But I still dont see how reading other books even in the same genre you are writing for will help you write. I can understand that it shows you how "they" write (style & pace) but I dont see how it can help "me" write my story. I dont write like them... Even if it gives me an idea of how they write, I dont talk like they do or write like they do... Know what I mean? Sorry I'm slow. lol. I am going to read a couple books online though.

Sean

Dawnstorm · 07-22-2006, 06:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by S1E9A8N5

I'm not trying to be rude or anything so If I come off like that, sorry lol. But I still dont see how reading other books even in the same genre you are writing for will help you write. I can understand that it shows you how "they" write (style & pace) but I dont see how it can help "me" write my story. I dont write like them... Even if it gives me an idea of how they write, I dont talk like they do or write like they do... Know what I mean? Sorry I'm slow. lol. I am going to read a couple books online though.

Sean

I think, the point is to think about writing. Re-read books you've already read and liked, with the intention to find out why you liked them.

Writers are often blind to their own styles, so working up a "word awareness" on other people's work may be a good idea. You'll then have a different perspective to apply to your own work.

Better word awareness --> new perspective on your own work ----------->* better intuition --> better writing

* This arrow is longer, because that'll take more time. One day you'll look back on your work, realise that you've improved and wonder why you didn't notice.

S1E9A8N5 · 07-22-2006, 06:19 PM

Thanks for the advice.

Sean