Breaking the rules of sentence structure - Writers Forum

colorsoundkid · 07-20-2006, 01:07 AM

Can this be done? I guess I am struggling with starting sentences with a subject over and over. I am writing a humoristic memoir, so it is written entirely in first person. It's kind of late... I'm not sure that even matters...

Anyhow, is it o.k. to leave a sentence without a subject if the context is clear what the subject is? You know, if the entire paragraph is about a particular person, can I just write what they are doing without a subject? I suppose I could just use a comma and attach it to the preceding sentence, but then things get ungainly. I can give you an example if you don't understand what I mean.

crash · 07-20-2006, 03:48 AM

An example might be nice.

Remember that with unusual styles, you'll be walking the line between "innovative" and "obnoxious and unreadable". It's extremely difficult to deviate from standard syntax and have something good.

Talia_Brie · 07-20-2006, 04:05 AM

If you are writing in first person, then the narrative voice is very important. That being the case, it's in fact very easy to play with the traditional sentence structure if the voice is clear.

Look at it this way. People rarely speak in grammatically perfect sentences. If your narrative voice is distinctive, then breaking the rules is going to be a necessity. Look at Delores Claiborne by Steven King as an example.

mammamaia · 07-20-2006, 05:36 PM

what you seem to be referring to is the use of 'fragments' in between 'real' sentences... that's done all the time... and not only in first person narratives... but it's hard to tell, if you don't give us an example...

colorsoundkid · 07-20-2006, 06:20 PM

Thanks for the input. Here is an example of what I am talking about:

"Up and down the high-chair he would climb. Throwing peas from his plate like a monkey throwing its own crap. Running back and forth out of control. We couldn’t compete with this little shit. The cuteness was abominable. It was quite endearing, really."

The sentence (or fragment, if you will) that I am referring to is underlined.

mammamaia · 07-20-2006, 06:59 PM

actually, both the 'throwing' and 'running' bits are 'fragments, as neither has a subject or the requisite auxiliary verb, the 'he was' being understood... but, even though not entirely kosher grammatically, both are certainly acceptable as 'writing style'...

this snippet sounds familiar... have i seen it somewhere before?

one prob i do see is that first sentence... climbing 'up and down' a high chair isn't the same as doing so with a tree... didn't you mean 'climbing in and out of' ?

colorsoundkid · 07-20-2006, 08:27 PM

actually, both the 'throwing' and 'running' bits are 'fragments, as neither has a subject or the requisite auxiliary verb, the 'he was' being understood... but, even though not entirely kosher grammatically, both are certainly acceptable as 'writing style'...

Yes, I'm sorry, that's correct. I suppose I could have underlined both of those sentences.

this snippet sounds familiar... have i seen it somewhere before?

I don't know where you could have seen it before. It's an excerpt from my memoir. It's a moment from my childhood.

one prob i do see is that first sentence... climbing 'up and down' a high chair isn't the same as doing so with a tree... didn't you mean 'climbing in and out of' ?

Well, technically speaking, I suppose I could have worded it as such. From my recollection, however, he really didn't spend much time in the chair itself. He was climbing up and down the outside of it. Do you think it's really important? I guess I should be more careful with how I am describing things so it's clear to the reader.

cacafire · 07-20-2006, 10:36 PM

It's perfectly fine. Don't worry about it. (Do you know what subject I am referring to?

)

mammamaia · 07-21-2006, 06:08 PM

Quote:

I don't know where you could have seen it before. It's an excerpt from my memoir. It's a moment from my childhood.

i guess i've read something similar elsewhere, then...

Quote:

Well, technically speaking, I suppose I could have worded it as such. From my recollection, however, he really didn't spend much time in the chair itself. He was climbing up and down the outside of it. Do you think it's really important? I guess I should be more careful with how I am describing things so it's clear to the reader.

not terribly important, but making what you 'see' clear to the reader is always a good idea... i understand what you meant, now that you explained it, saw my own kids do the same thing, decades ago...

maybe you could compare the activity to climbing a tree, for a bit more clarity?... would make a nice metaphoric mental image, imo...