Is This Scene Realistic? - Writers Forum

PennyandMe · 06-29-2006, 05:09 PM

My story is based on a character who is infatuated with a much older teacher. At some point, she becomes extremely angry, frustrated, confused, and upset about her feelings. Her emotions are taking control of her. She does not know if her feelings are normal or if she is confusing her interest with him with something else entirely (like a father figure or stability). I was thinking of writing a scene in which she eventually feels like she is going to break inside and needs to do something rash.

The scene would be very random and spontaneous. The young girl would nonchalantly and calmly walk into the teacher’s classroom at the end of the day while only he is in the room. She would simply sit down in a desk in the middle of the room, fold her hands in her lap, and stare aimlessly at the floor, without saying one word. She would appear very quiet and still, with a blank expression on her face. The teacher, who doesn’t even know her, would ask what’s going on, but she would not answer him. Eventually, he becomes concerned and walks over her to try to see what’s wrong. She soon breaks down crying, her emotions very strong, not knowing how to get the words out how she feels about him. Basically, this teacher would just stand next to her, watching her weep, listening to her mumbled words, realizing that there is something very wrong with her that he can’t really fix. He would feel badly because there is nothing he can do for her. He sees that she is confused and might need some help…she is a lost soul, just a confused little girl. But he would continue to listen intently, not make any faces, not say anything, just be respectful and listen.

Do you think this scenario is at all realistic to write about? If a student was having a problem, inside of school or outside of school, could you see him or her randomly walking into someone’s classroom and start crying? I want to make it dramatic, but I don’t want to make it seem ridiculous, either.

Any ideas, thoughts, comments, suggestions, questions, opinions, advice…?

cbrmale · 06-29-2006, 05:31 PM

It could work if the scenes leading to this scene paint her mental state adequately, forshadowing her breakdown.

take a whiff on me · 06-29-2006, 06:31 PM

It seems just fine to me.

aspiring · 06-30-2006, 04:09 AM

Hmm, as cbmarle says it would have to be built up realistically.

If she deliberately walks into the room with the intention of - what? speaking to him? - then it seems odd that she sits staring at the floor. That is not indicative of someone 'doing something rash'. I also think it would be very odd for her to sit and cry in front of him. I am assuming she is a teenager? I would rather have had my arm amputated than cry in front of the teacher I had a crush on, much less tell him how I felt. I think this would be a very unusual girl - and I think she would have to have had a fairly close relationship with him before this stage - coming to talk to him about her family problems or something like that.

If she is confused about her feelings then I can imagine her to be more likely breaking down whilst talking to someone else about this teacher - not going straight to him.

But obviously, you know your characters best. As long as it is emotionally truthful within your own plot and character boundaries, then it should work. Taken out of context, it doesn't ring quite true to me (having been a teenage girl with a crush on an older man and not just speaking as a writer!)

snorrie · 06-30-2006, 01:27 PM

It's impossible to say if it would work or not. I see things like this posted all the time and until you get your idea into words, I don't think there is anyone who could give you an honest answer. Just hammer it out, post it. Then we'll see if it works. Good luck.

PennyandMe · 06-30-2006, 02:59 PM

Thanks so much everyone. I appreciate that you're being honest and encouraging at the same time. These are definitely things I need to think of and the character needs to be developed me. I'm not sure about the plot or anything right now....

But I actually got around to writing some of the scene, what I was able to get out of my head into words. If anyone is interested in skimming it over, it's here: http://www.angelfire.com/indie/prince57/
However, just warning you that I probably have a lot of mistakes and some of it might not make sense at all; a lot of it is repetitive and I use simple phrases rather than deep thoughts. It's all I could do for now, but I will continue to work on it. I'll take any criticism or advice.

I am also struggling with a few characteristics and struggles with the teacher...some of this is based on events and feelings in my life. I don't know how much truth I should use and how much I should create. For one, I'm not sure if the teacher is gay or not. If he is, it's definitely a struggle because he's married with children and people are not sure what to make of this...is he or isn't he-kind of thing. She might feel empathic towards his wife, etc. I just don't know...