tips or advise about dialoque (conversations) - Page 2 - Writers Forum

Rob · 06-03-2006, 07:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dookie

I would never have my villain speak and then say "he said" or "she said" afterwards. Oh no, no. I'd use words like "growled, barked, spat, whispered dangerously."

These all add something to the character, each of them gives you an image and idea of what that character is like. It's important to the story. The readers wouldn't understand the character if he said and she saids were used.

You need additional words to explain your dialogue????

Kamisama · 06-03-2006, 07:53 AM

Redundnacy and tautology is never good, unless talking about high explosives or high voltage electronic weapons. I do think when it comes to speech, then it may be okay to modify the way something is said; however, I think using narration, if possible, would be better.

Rob · 06-03-2006, 08:04 AM

Dookie, some examples of unnecessarily explaining dialogue, taken from one of your recent stories:

"I don’t know, this place isn’t so bad once you actually get out on an activity. Like that afternoon we met at the canoeing. That was fun!" Fran answered.

We know that Fran has answered because she speaks in response to something Mike says just prior. So, it's unnecessary for you to tell us that she's answering. It's not even necessary to mention that Fran is saying this because it's obvious from the context.

"Yeah that’s true" Mike continued while leaning up against one of the huts and making evil eyes at a sight over Fran’s right shoulder.

We know that Mike is continuing his dialogue. Again, it's unnecessary.

"Why don’t you ask them" suggested Fran.

Again, it's clear that this is a suggestion (if you punctuate it correctly with a question mark).

"What sort of plan?" he grimaced.

Grimace doesn't describe how he spoke. It should be a separate sentence.

"Same thing" Fran nodded.

You have a general problem with punctuating your dialogue.

Cheers,
Omni

Dookie · 06-03-2006, 09:18 AM

Omnius...thats not my story...seriously I'm really confused where did you get that? I never wrote that.

"Recent" as well...I don't know how well people know me on WF but I never post my writing. If I do it's extremely rare so if that is something I wrote and have forgotten then it has to have come from long long ago.

You also said this:

"You need additional words to explain your dialogue????"

I never said that, it adds to the story is what I said. And can't you discuss something without mocking me as the above post shows.

Dookie · 06-03-2006, 09:21 AM

Okay, I looked back over my files. I wrote that when I was fourteen, TWO YEARS AGO!! Give the dialogue a break man my writing sucked back then.

EDIT: My dialogue is good now however, but I dont post anymore.

Mike C · 06-03-2006, 09:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dookie

Okay, I looked back over my files. I wrote that when I was fourteen, TWO YEARS AGO!! Give the dialogue a break man my writing sucked back then.

EDIT: My dialogue is good now however, but I dont post anymore.

Dookie, if you're still willing to use words like 'expostulate' in dialogue then your dialogue is NOT good now; it's probably a blessing that you don't post it!

Seriously, tricksy dialogue tags are one of the big three classic newbie things. It's what they teach you to do in school, but you have to unlearn all that stuff now.

Seriously, go find a real book and check the dialogue. Let us know how many times you find grimaced or expostulated.

Dookie · 06-03-2006, 09:31 AM

I wasn't the one that wrote expostulated...I never would.

Mike C · 06-03-2006, 09:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dookie

I wasn't the one that wrote expostulated...I never would.

Not really the issue. But I'm serious. Find a good book, scan through the dialogue.

Dookie · 06-03-2006, 09:37 AM

I don't need to, you have no evidence that my dialogue is bad so don't say it is. Don't refer back to anything I've posted on WF, it's old and I agree it's shoddy. My stuff now is okay.

Mike C · 06-03-2006, 09:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dookie

I'd say you sometimes need a bit more than he and she said, in fact I try to avoid that at all times because it's so simple and boring.

No Dookie, you say it right here - "My dialogue sucks". See?

Dookie · 06-03-2006, 09:42 AM

Don't get cocky Mike. (I'd have a little winking smiley here but I just can't seem to find them at the moment.)

You know you did a news reader thing there! For all of you that don't know what I mean he cut that out of something I said and took it out of context. I was talking about two years ago. Bla bla blaasiajsas

Dookie · 06-03-2006, 09:44 AM

Stop. I'm sorry, I'm being a gimp.

I've been sitting here smiling and I've just realised it's because you're all right and I'm denying it. I'm now undenying it, you're right. I'm going to read over my most recent story and re-edit. Thanks for pointing out the error of my ways.

Sorry again for being stupid.

Mike C · 06-03-2006, 09:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dookie

You said just to use he and she said. No way man that sucks. What comes after the dialogue can add tone and context to the speech. I'd say you sometimes need a bit more than he and she said, in fact I try to avoid that at all times because it's so simple and boring.

The whole statement. You're writing in the present tense, therefore not referring to anything you wrote 2 years ago.

I took nothing out of context, and the evidence still suggests that your dialogue sucks.

If you want to change my opinion, show me dialogue. Show me how you use modifiers on your tags to "add tone and context" without making it suck.

Dookie · 06-03-2006, 09:48 AM

Hey stop stop, look at the post above yours, it's an apology.

Mike C · 06-03-2006, 09:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dookie

Hey stop stop, look at the post above yours, it's an apology.

Oops! Missed that one.