How do you create fluent speech between characters? - Writers Forum

WoF · 03-08-2006, 06:31 AM

I can't seem to nail it. Whats the correct structure for writing out a conversation between people? How do I improve the conversation so that it runs smoothly? Do I add descriptive text when somebody speaks? Heres a bit taken out from the novel i'm writing, could someone edit it and maybe at some more detail? It would be really appreciated, thanks.

I ran towards my plane which was still being patched up from my last flight by a frantic engineer. She didn’t look to bad at all, just a few scratches and dints here and there. The engineer, whose name badge read “Barry”, was standing on top cockpit with a drill in one hand and a toolbox in the other. He jumped off the plane, nearly falling over in the process. Barry’s orange overalls where covered in grease and dirt from head to toe. Poor guy, he looked like he hadn’t showered in days.

"How...how is she?" I said as I tryed to catch my breath back.
“Oh don't you worry, she’s ready to fly mate!" He gave me a big grin. "Give us a break and don’t thrust this bloody thing around to much this time!”
I put my arm around his shoulder and laughed "Ill think about that while i'm being shot at left, right and center by those god damn Chinese fighters."
"Just as long as you shoot one down for me ok?"
"Don't you worry, I plan on shooting down a whole freaking squadron."

We both shook hands as climbed into the small but comfortable cockpit......

aliceedelweiss · 03-08-2006, 07:39 AM

I don't think your dialog is too bad some grammar things you could fix

Quote:

I put my arm around his shoulder and laughed, "Ill think about that...

i know some web pages that might help you...Here and maybe even here (the last one really has nothing to do with dialog, i don't think, but as far as writing fiction it really helps)

Good luck with that...
Alice

WoF · 03-08-2006, 08:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by aliceedelweiss

I don't think your dialog is too bad some grammar things you could fix

i know some web pages that might help you...Here and maybe even here (the last one really has nothing to do with dialog, i don't think, but as far as writing fiction it really helps)

Good luck with that...
Alice

Thanks for the links!

Could someone mind editing it so that I can see how it should be properly set out and where my grammer could be fixed? Don't be afraid to add a little content of your own to make it more appealing. Cheers!

Revan U'trini'as · 03-08-2006, 08:40 AM

Personally, I just ask myself 2 things, First being does it flow and second being is it corny? I find this method acheives smooth flowing and realistic dialouge between chars. Also if ur asking how to structure it, just have a book (I have Eragon and Elder) as a reference, look into it and see how those convo's are structured and then use there structuring.. If they got published, they must be doing something right. Very Basic but effective. Also keep in mind, If 'I' was reading this would I be interested.

Cheers.

teflon · 03-08-2006, 09:04 AM

Very simple. Make sure they echo each other, just like 90% of real-life dialog. and eliminate common greetings. Fore example:

"John, where are you?" she said peering into the darkness. "John?"
"What?"
"I just -"
"Just what?"

imagine the dialog as if it is in a screenplay. Work the narration in between the voice, or voices. Do not explain, do not over-describe, do not describe,. Let dialog show it, portraying only emotions.

Kimahri · 03-08-2006, 03:24 PM

The only method I use when writing dialogue is to imagine myself and a friend speaking the same words. Does it sound hokey or unreal? I write it as if I were there. I consider the words and whether or not they work with the character's current situation and mood.

kimahri

Mike C · 03-08-2006, 05:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WoF

Could someone mind editing it so that I can see how it should be properly set out and where my grammer could be fixed? Don't be afraid to add a little content of your own to make it more appealing. Cheers!

Edit it yourself. People here are happy to help, but not to rewrite it properly.

And to be honest your dialogue is the least of your problems.

mammamaia · 03-08-2006, 06:04 PM

sorry to say, i have to agree with mike about the problems with this excerpt... but i'll give you a sample edit, to show you what you did wrong dialog-wise, at least:

Quote:

"How...how is she?" I said,['gasped' would work better here] as I tried to catch my breath back.[stick to one font...i realize this may be a posting goof only...generally, tacking on action or descriptive narration to a dialog tag is not considered good writing]

“Oh, don't you worry, she’s ready to fly, mate!" [should be new sentence, or have an ellipsis indicate a pause after 'worry']He gave me a big grin. "Give us a break and don’t thrust [inapt word in this context] this bloody thing around too much this time!”
[needs indent here, since you're switching speakers... but indents don't work in posting, so use line breaks, instead]

I put my arm around his shoulder and laughed. "Ill think about that while i'm being shot at left, right and center by those goddamn [it's normally one word] Chinese fighters."

"Just as long as you shoot one down for me, okay?"

"Don't you worry. I plan on shooting down a whole freaking squadron."

CZ · 03-08-2006, 06:32 PM

For me, reading dialogue out loud can help quite a bit.

As for grammar, take a look at the difference between to/too and where/were/we're. You've got some problems with that in your piece, and since you're having problems with those, you may want to learn the difference between affect and effect, their/there/they're and who's/whose. M. Maia covered a lot of good things as well.

edit: dent, not dint....

Blackhawk_t · 03-09-2006, 11:11 AM

Here is the absolute best way not to write dialogue.

Example between Ted and Ed.

"Hello." Said Ted.
"Good day." Answered Ed.
"What are you doing?" Questioned Ted.
"Not much, and you?" Replied Ed.
"Just hanging out." Bolstered Ted.
"Yeah, so am I." Shouted Ed.
"Why are you yelling?" Screamed Ted.
"Because I can." Bellowed Ed.
blah blah blah.....

You can see how it really draws the reader in....but something is lacking. Oh yeah....it's called action.

Good luck with it.

Phouka · 03-09-2006, 02:38 PM

I second the 'reading dialog out loud' suggestion, but I also work out my dialog verbally (usually while driving, which garners me some strange looks from other drivers). Obviously, just talking to myself doesn't give me the whole scene, but it really smooths out the dialog and makes it sound much more real to me. I only write it down after a few sessions trying to get it right in the car. (Yes, I spend a lot of time commuting to work!)

glennstewart · 03-09-2006, 03:01 PM

I agree...reading it out loud is still the best way...either it sounds right or it doesn't. The grammer/structure stuff is bush-league, found in any Strunk & White, so I won't bother you with that. You seem to have a handle on dialogue. Glenn

mammamaia · 03-09-2006, 05:36 PM

blackhawk...

Quote:

Here is the absolute best way not to write dialogue.

Example between Ted and Ed.

"Hello." Said Ted.
"Good day." Answered Ed.
"What are you doing?" Questioned Ted.
"Not much, and you?" Replied Ed.
"Just hanging out." Bolstered Ted.
"Yeah, so am I." Shouted Ed.
"Why are you yelling?" Screamed Ted.
"Because I can." Bellowed Ed.
blah blah blah.....

You can see how it really draws the reader in....but something is lacking. Oh yeah....it's called action.

what else is lacking in those examples, is proper punctuation/capitalization!... all of the non-question samples should have had a comma where you put a period after the dialog and no capital for the next word... the no-capital rule also applies where the dialog ends in a '?' or '!' since what follows is the attribution [dialog tag], not a separate sentence...

love and hugs, maia