[B]Getting along without ADVERBS...[/B] - Writers Forum

cacafire · 01-31-2006, 03:36 PM

Even though the title is self explanatory, I would just like some examples of ways to write stories without adverbs, and still have it come out allright. I understand that taking out adverbs should make my writing better, but I am at a loss as to how to bring the concept to my best advantage, and would greatly apreciate your help. Thank you!

gohn67 · 01-31-2006, 04:03 PM

For example - he ran tiredly.

You would just show it instead of using tiredly. Not sure how old you are but, since you have "caca" in your name I'll just assume you're probably in highschool or middle school. Try observing your classmates during PE, when they have run the mile. Observe how you feel also.

All those things you observed show tiredly. You just have to put that in words.

However don't take the no adverbs rules to the extreme and eliminate adverb usuage completely. They are helpful in writing, just use them wisely.

But definitely as an exercise I would try to write a few short stories without a single adverb, so you reliance on them fades. Then gradually start inserting them again. The more you write that easier it is to understand.

You want to get to the point where don't have to think about your adverb use.

suzakugaiden · 01-31-2006, 04:59 PM

gohn: Cacafire is some sort of... lib or API or program involving ASCII art on a *nix system, as far as I can tell.

Anyway, adverbs. Things like very -- adverbs which are definitely functional and less descriptive -- are pretty much always okay. It gets trickier when you get ones which are distinctly "Y done in a manner of adjective."

Sentence construct is important. "Softly, he spoke" has a far more substantial feel to it than "He spoke softly." In the former, softly comes first, and takes importance. In the latter, it's just accessory, and derails the sentence.

Also, the amount of description you need is also important. Showing instead of telling is good advice. You don't want to show all the time, though, or else your writing will get bloated, cluttered, silly, or schizophrenic (sometimes to good effect -- sometimes bad). If you WANT the description to be subordinate to the action, then an adverb is probably going to be more important. Likewise, if you think something is being over-described, try an adverb. A lot of this is really just intent, though; know why you're writing what you're writing and how you're writing when.

Also! "It gently rained" and "It rained gently" are both valid. "He kicked the ball gently," and "He kicked gently the ball" are not ("He kicked, gently,..." is, but gently's sort of an aside or a little interputory thinger there, so..?). I believe this is because one of those verbs is intransitive and the other is transitive. I don't know which though. That probably plays into this too, though.

Anyway though, common sense and what sounds right. If it sounds band with an adverb, kill the adverb. If it sounds bad without, stick one in. If it sounds bad with both, stick in an obtuse metaphor of some sort, and arbitrarily use normal adjectives as verbs or something.

gohn67 · 01-31-2006, 05:05 PM

Quote:

gohn: Cacafire is some sort of... lib or API or program involving ASCII art on a *nix system, as far as I can tell.

Haha. Sorry if I offended you with my comment, Cacafire. Didn't mean to. But I kept relating your name to that burning bag full of crap gag.

Anyways I agree with what Suzakugaiden said. Especially the part where he says you shouldn't show all the time. You need to tell to write a good story. There's not set percentage just what you feel is write.

I spent a whole year trying to figure out the show don't tell rule because it can easily be misconstrued. I hate how all through middle school and high school, teachers that rule. That's a big reason how I got so confused about the rule. And also how the rule is worded: Show don't tell.

cacafire · 01-31-2006, 05:21 PM

Whew, thanks for the advice guys. My stories usually consist of too many adverbs. So you're advice is apreciated. Just a few questions, what's the difference between an untrasitive verb and a transitive verb?

Also, I think "He kicked gently the ball" might be invalid because it comes before an object. Just a thought... Oh, and gohn, It's okay, because I am in high school. But I'm not THAT immature.

Cacafire let's me create virtual fire on my screen through algorithms.

TimK · 02-01-2006, 09:40 AM

Hi, cacafire. To punch up your style, use strong verbs as frequently as possible. Take the meaning of adverbs (and other words) and combine it with the verb. That is, search for a verb that has more meaning, and get rid of redundant adverbs and adjectives. So instead of "He spoke quietly," say "He lowered his voice," or better yet, "He whispered."

If you can't find a strong verb, use a strong noun. Then fall back on a strong adjective. Only if you can't find any of these, keep the adverb. This will get rid of 95% of your adverbs. Your prose will also start to jump off the page with life.

Some more examples:

Change: He walked tiredly across the room.
To: He trudged across the room.
Change: The rain fell gently.
To: The rain tapped out a gentle rhythm against the window.
Change: He kicked the ball gently.
To: His foot tapped the ball.

Keep writing!
-TimK

osiris · 02-03-2006, 05:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cacafire

Whew, thanks for the advice guys. My stories usually consist of too many adverbs. So you're advice is apreciated. Just a few questions, what's the difference between an untrasitive verb and a transitive verb?

Intransitive verbs stand by themselves, i.e. don't have an object: I sleep.

Transitive can have an object - I drive you.

Assigning objects to intransitive verbs will make no sense: I sleep you.

Most transitives can omit object: I drive.

Mike C · 02-03-2006, 05:59 PM

Just write your story as usual. Then take them all out.

gohn67 · 02-03-2006, 06:22 PM

Quote:

Just write your story as usual. Then take them all out.

Interesting suggestion Mike. Can you explain a little more in depth?

I think your suggestion can work well, but it doesn't give the writer a better understand on the use of adverbs because there are times when they are needed.

Your suggestion makes it sound like a steadfast rule. Do this. No explanation. Just do it. Because why? Because because.

Although I guess an explanation can confuse a beginning writer and by just giving him an easy fix for adverbs that they can understand how they work on their own. And certainly by doing it, they will get a better understanding than by reading needless explanations.

mammamaia · 02-03-2006, 07:25 PM

i have to agree in part with gohn, since adverbs can certainly be used to great effect, by good writers... it's only in the hands of amateurs and beginners that they can make us cringe...

the best advice imo, is to learn to use adverbs sparingly and well, not to toss all aside as worthless... after all, if they were, they wouldn't exist, would they?

Mike C · 02-03-2006, 08:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gohn67

Interesting suggestion Mike. Can you explain a little more in depth?

I think your suggestion can work well, but it doesn't give the writer a better understand on the use of adverbs because there are times when they are needed.

Your suggestion makes it sound like a steadfast rule. Do this. No explanation. Just do it. Because why? Because because.

Although I guess an explanation can confuse a beginning writer and by just giving him an easy fix for adverbs that they can understand how they work on their own. And certainly by doing it, they will get a better understanding than by reading needless explanations.

I mean learn to write without. Look at your adverbless work and you'll be suprised how much tighter it looks. Too many people use adverbs (and adjectives) thinking it will make their work more informed, when actually it makes it look moe amateurish. Once you learn how much can be achieved without, you're in a position to know how to use them sparingly for maximum effect.

cacafire · 02-03-2006, 08:14 PM

Thanks, guys. I'll certainly take your advice to heart.