can I do this WITHOUT the experience? - Writers Forum

Gauda · 01-22-2006, 03:45 PM

Long time no post :]

I'm working on a story that deals with a lot of death. However, death of different family members/friends are all completely different experiences. In my story a family loses their mother and the father remarries. This hasn't really happened to me in real life but it has happened to a few of my friends. However, I don't want to just go up and interoggate them on what it felt like to get the full response. I've watched movies and read books about this, but I know without experiencing something firsthand it can never be as authentic. Doing research may help, but it's still not the same.

Should I try the old "put yourself in their shoes" position? Can I still get a full effect?

Any tips?

Thanks :]

cbrmale · 01-22-2006, 04:34 PM

If you've read up on death and dying, you are probably aware of the four stages of grieving. Although not everyone goes through each stage and some go into and come out of a stage quicker than others.

I think you have the potential to write on the death of a loved one. Lots of authors do.

I have written a piece which had the death of a boyfriend in the opening chapter. I based the characters initial reaction on my own when my father died, then I worked on it with my wife who has experienced death of close family members as well. What we found was my reaction to my fathers death after a long illness (when I was mentally prepared for it) was different to my wife's who has had people die suddenly.

So, there are lots of ways to react to death. Pick the most appropriate. Maybe you can discuss your draft with someone close who has been there as well.

mammamaia · 01-22-2006, 05:38 PM

imo, the answer depends on how old you are and how experienced and talented a writer you are...

if you're a young teenager, i doubt you'll be able to pull it off successfully, since it takes a good amount of living to be able to get a handle on the psychology of death's effect on various ages of surviving family and loved ones...

but, if you're a talented writer, you might be able to do a good job of it, with plenty of research, regardless of your age...

bottom line is, you'll never know the answer, if you don't give it a try...

love and hugs, maia

Gauda · 01-22-2006, 07:20 PM

true, I agree research can do a splendid job at making things realistic, but it can only do so much.

Maia - I'm not THAT talented! :] I have talent, but not so much that it's exploding out of the window. For now I'm sticking to reading a lot more to get the feel and doing research online.

Cbrmale - thanks for the advice, I did some research and I am aware of the four stages. I've had death in my family, but none that I was too close to. I never got to know my grandparents so I can't say much about the experience - plus I was very young and my parents did not discuss their death with me. So I'm a little naive on the subject.

Thank you though, maia and cbrmale.

Oracle · 01-27-2006, 12:45 PM

I guess it depends on your ability to see from other perspectives. If you're the kind of person who can get into the mindframe of your characters, take on their personalities, and react to things the way they would, then you can probably pull it off. If you're one of those people who has a hard time taking on a persona other than your own, then it might be difficult.

If you ever need practice, get into drama. Tis quite fun.

beth10 · 01-27-2006, 10:13 PM

Read up on the five stages of grief--that could give you some ideas. Or try to imagine what you would feel like if your parent died and the other remarried.

I am writing a screenplay now and in the beginning the wife is killed. My mom died not that long ago, so I used those feelings to convey the husbands in the story. If I can be of any help, let me know.