thoughts? - Writers Forum

prabjit · 10-29-2005, 06:28 PM

Hey!

In my book that is in 3rd person view my main character thinks to himself. and i'm wondering how do i do that. here is an example of what i wrote.

Daniel frowned and shook his head; this was going to be bad. Another killer dead but around his home. People may suspect him as a murderer

Lol "Another killer dead but around his home." what can i do about changing his? I'm going to be in "Thought mode" lots of times so i gotta figure this problem out lol thanks!

btw: i really don't want to add "he thought" at the end of every "thought" cause it won't really flow, well thats what i think, lol thanks!!

suzakugaiden · 10-29-2005, 06:33 PM

Write it in first person if you're going to be in "thought-mode" so much.

TinyBites · 10-29-2005, 06:34 PM

"but around his home" is awkward but it's not a point of view problem. If you said, "Another victim dead near his home" it would be perfectly clear. The pronoun isn't the issue. It's a solid convention of 3rd person to write the character's thoughts directly into the narrative without "he thought" indicating who's thinking it, particularly when there's only one POV character (limited omniscient). Saying "he thought" all the time creates a distance between the reader and the character, when it sounds like you're looking for a little more immersion, a little more proximity to the character's inner life, without using 1st person. And that's totally fine to do.

prabjit · 10-29-2005, 07:13 PM

i see, so all i should do is change it so it becomes clear. Thanks tinybites but it doesn't really answer the question but thanks anyways!
Any more advice?

mammamaia · 10-30-2005, 10:07 AM

a direct answer to your question is, you can't change 'his' to anything else and have his thoughts make any sense...

the way you've worded that sentence is the problem, not the word 'his'...

Another killer dead but around his home.

...that could mean the killer's home, not the live character's... so, you need to change the rest of the sentence, not 'his'... here are a couple of alternatives that would make better sense:

Another killer dead, and in his own neighborhood! Won't people suspect him?

Another killer found dead, close to where he lives. People might begin to suspect him!

prabjit · 10-30-2005, 10:54 AM

ohhh lol thanks!!! oh sorry tinybites i guess you did answer it lol thanks mam

Rhea · 11-03-2005, 06:55 AM

When I do thought I do it in italics - you see that in a lot of books, too. You also don't have to put "he thought" everywhere:

Quote:

He couldn't see very much because it was so dark. Where's the damn light switch? he wondered.

Or...

Quote:

As he ran his mind raced through all possible ways he could get out of this mess. The men outnumbered him; even with his knowledge of martial arts he couldn't take them all on.

Then he tripped over something hard and fell on his face.

Damn.

Basically read more, you can see how stories written in third person handle all the thought processes and everything.

Quote:

Daniel frowned and shook his head; this was going to be bad. Another killer dead but around his home. People may suspect him as a murderer

I don't understand the 'Another killer dead but around his home'. Do you mean the person was killed near Daniel's house? The 'but' threw me off. Maybe: 'Another person killed, and near his house! People might begin to think he was the murderer...'

Hope I've helped...

prabjit · 11-03-2005, 06:50 PM

ya thanks lol!!