Somewhat of a 'sexual' inuendo I'm worried about - Writers Forum

shadowseer · 07-22-2005, 11:36 PM

Quote:

Alexis was walking towards the couch. Asher felt his feet getting sweaty. That had happened among…other things, whenever Alexis came around.

I'm worried about the bolded part. I don't want it too sound too raunchy or anything, but I found it kind of a funny line, becaue (obviously) Asher has a crush on Alexis. Should I keep it or trash it? Help me out

Gehrig · 07-22-2005, 11:41 PM

It's not exactly raunchy, nor even that suggestive. First of all, it is hard to get sexy with sweaty feet. Sweaty palms maybe, but feet?

Asher's palms grew sweaty, and he experienced a shortness of breath. The mere sight of the lithe Alexis made him quiver.

Get it?

journyman161 · 07-22-2005, 11:46 PM

It's hard to say. Are you going to tell about the other things?

What audience are you aiming at?

Perhaps, 'Squelching boots and other strange things happened to his body when Alexis came around.' You could continue with something like, 'Asher had a catalogue of swellings, blushes, hot flushes & stuttering in inopportune places that embarassed him no end...' & not be raunchy at all. Anyone from pubesence on would identify with the situation.

shadowseer · 07-22-2005, 11:47 PM

Yeah, I do, I guess I was being paranoid. I was afraid by 'other things' people were going to think that I was suggesting him getting, you know, hard or something.
I'm not really comfortable with this

but you know, fror the sake of art. I'm just gonna keep it in. If anyone automaticlly thinks
OMG, he's making dirty jokes!, well they can go stick their heads in a tree

Ilan Bouchard · 07-22-2005, 11:48 PM

It's not too raunchy, although I would rephrase the sentence.

Gehrig · 07-22-2005, 11:52 PM

Ok, now we're getting somewhere. What happens next? Will you make us all blush?

shadowseer · 07-23-2005, 12:10 AM

here's the new sentence

Quote:

Asher felt his feet getting sweaty. That had happened among…other things, such as his heart getting a bit faster, talking to fast, or tripping over himself whenever Alexis came around

And later they kiss, but are interuptted by Jack, a secondary character.
ZOMG big suprise!

Edit: Just noticed, this is also my 200th post! Like, so cool!

Hodge · 07-23-2005, 01:17 AM

What's wrong with raunchy? God, I've read books that had borderline pornographic scenes... Voice of the Planet described in great detail not only why sex is an important part of evolution but also the act itself and all the "inner workings" of it.

Stephen King has some pretty nasty scenes, too.

mammamaia · 07-23-2005, 07:44 AM

the only thing wrong with it, is the scrambled syntax and poor grammar/spelling... should go more like this:

That--and other things such as his heart speeding up, talking too fast, or tripping over himself--seemed to happen whenever Alexis came around.

see the diff?... hope this helps...
love and hugs, maia

Saponification · 07-23-2005, 06:22 PM

I wouldn't be too worried. Rowling is more suggestive than that.

suzakugaiden · 07-28-2005, 12:12 PM

That's because a Tom Clancy sex scene is like reading a highschool bio textbook.

Anyway, why are his feet getting sweaty? Is he a FURRY?

Saponification · 07-29-2005, 12:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by suzakugaiden

That's because a Tom Clancy sex scene is like reading a highschool bio textbook.

Gold.

Aevin · 07-29-2005, 03:43 AM

I think "innuendos" are usually a good thing, as long as they don't confuse your meaning. Readers like getting something of a delicious quiver when they think they're the only ones who understand a "dirty joke."

Anarkos · 07-29-2005, 04:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ilyak1986

Quote:

Originally Posted by suzakugaiden

That's because a Tom Clancy sex scene is like reading a highschool bio textbook.

Anyway, why are his feet getting sweaty? Is he a FURRY?

ROFLMAO, a furry ^_^. Hey, don't be bashing my favorite realistic fiction author here, now!

And I never read a bio highschool textbook. In fact, I dropped outta bio 1H after the first interim period, so =P

Clancy is realistic?

crunch · 07-29-2005, 06:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dark Aevin

I think "innuendos" are usually a good thing, as long as they don't confuse your meaning. Readers like getting something of a delicious quiver when they think they're the only ones who understand a "dirty joke."

I agree completly. What you wrote could be seen as either a little something else or simply things like getting nervous. Someone with a more mature mind may see it as one thing while younger readers would see it as something else. As an example look at the Barbie song.