Frivolous physical relationships - Writers Forum

Destany · 07-20-2005, 07:39 PM

I suppose it's because I'm a well, a girl (and a bit old fashioned at that) and all, but I'm having a bit of trouble with this particular aspect of boyhood...
My character is now a young man, and therefore would most certainly be attracted to females and given his time and place, he would experience a fling or two.
I happen to know, that he's very close to meeting his future bride, however, the character does not know this, and I'm sort of blocked as to how he should approach a girl or how he should feel about it... One of his friends is extremely shy and though he has a girl who likes him, lacks the nerve to talk to her. The other is very handsome and a complete slut and goes through girls like nobody's business. These two characters are easy to do that with, because they have no internal dialogue that I have to express.
My character, would be a bit in the middle, though closer to shy than his second friend. He obviously is attracted to women, but I cannot have him develop real feelings for any of the girls he's going to "date" since I want him to reserve that for the girl he will be meeting soon.
I should also explain that the era the story is in, had a great amount of sexual freedom and unmarried young people were not in any way frowned upon for acting on their hormones... This is an era when young girls becoming pregnant out of wedlock was something celebrated.
I know this is a bit of a delicate question for a public forum, does anyone have any tasteful pointers?

Ilan Bouchard · 07-20-2005, 09:34 PM

This might be cheesy, but considering I know nothing of romance it will have to do. He'd be distant with those around him; revealing little, avoiding mushy "I love you's" and that jazz, and would let women approach him, not the other way around.

I think I need to get out more.

Destany · 07-20-2005, 10:49 PM

Ilan, that makes good sense, and not cheesy at all. My character is fifteen, so he doesn't know much about romance either. I like your idea for girls to come to him so that he doesn't look like too much of a tramp, and then he does what he does, stay's casual about it (it would be pointless to form anything other than casual relationships in a society where people are betrothed) and just not get real deep about it. He can get mushy or whatever, when he meets his wife.
That's going to be fun to write, since she basically hates him on sight and tells him so.
Anyway, thanks!

journyman161 · 07-21-2005, 12:52 AM

On the other hand, for someone not the playboy type, he's likely to have a huge crush on his 1st girlfriend & intense moments in the ones who follow.

I think it would be more realistic to have him go into the relationships with fairly strong feelings then when he finds 'the one' show how those feeling pale beside finding someone who complements him & fills the little hollows & shady places of his soul.

You could have all sorts of fun with the comparisons, show how he's grown simply by being with her, show how the guy who insisted he would live as he chooses voluntarily changes his life so he can fit more closely with his love.

Oracle · 07-21-2005, 01:02 AM

Just write the way you would feel if the roles were reversed, and you were approaching a guy. Just flip it around.

Have him notice not only her physical features, but aspects of her personality as well.

TimK · 07-21-2005, 01:04 PM

Having at one time been a boy, I would be more than happy to look at a snippet of your character for obvious inconsistencies. But you can probably pick them out yourself.

If I were you, I wouldn't worry about your character's personality being too feminine. There is no such thing. Males have as diverse character traits as females. The conflicts each face may be different, due to each's position in a society. One rule I have--perhaps I'm naiive--is that I don't let people tell me how my characters should react, even my female characters. I'll listen when they tell me a character is inconsistent, having one personality now and another then. But I don't think it's fair to say, "A woman wouldn't react that way." Maybe a woman wouldn't, but this woman does. So get over it.

Since your character is a 15-year-old boy, remember that puberty hits boys on average a year later than girls. And a boy's growth spurt hits 2 years after a girl's. And the order of puberty is slightly different between boys and girls. Here's a good article summarizing the subject: http://pediatrics.about.com/cs/weekl...120501_ask.htm.

At 15 years, a boy is likely to be steeped in emotional dissonance and confusion. (I don't know what it's like for girls at that age, but as a father I will know within several years.) How he responds to this, of course, is an aspect of his personality. During puberty, a person's brain is undergoing dramatic growth, forming many new pathways, and signals tend to get misrouted occasionally. By the time one is out of his teens, things have settled down, of course. But at the age of 15... Well, just don't expect your character to react in a mature manner, as a 25-year-old might. Don't expect him to approach the situation rationally. If he tends to fall in love, don't expect him to wait for "the right person" before he becomes attached and gets his heart broken, especially if they're having sex. If he has a penchant for excitement, don't expect him to commit. Whatever he feels is going to dominate him; he has little control over it.

-TimK

Coldwriter · 07-21-2005, 01:27 PM

Haha...great discussion. I just turned 19 and can finally say I have a girlfriend (6 months now). I remember the age of 15...wow was it a awkward and silly time. Back then, I wasnt mature enough to handle a relationship. Maybe your character is but here's some feelings/thoughts I had when i liked a girl from summer camp.

I was shy. Most guys would go and talk to their "crush". Well I wouldnt but i would constantly think about her. I always gave her looks. That was my way of saying hey, you're cute. From across the room, park, gym...you name it.

There was a sort of confused battle inside me too. Should I talk to her? Nah, she wont like me. Im too scared. I cant speak properly. But, I'll never know if she will if i dont say something and if I do talk to her, maybe she will like me. That was a common mindset in my early years.
Once, I had a friend talk to her, which didnt work...she cant get to kno you and instead, falls for the friend.
Eventually, i got it that you need to be your self, friendly and honest. Friendships start relationships.

haha, Ilan...for shame! Get out more indeed.

And in response to TimK- He's right, no such thing as too feminine. I pride myself in that area, being able to relate and feel more as a girl would (ask my girlfriend

Guys can surprise...in good ways.

~JD