Environment Descriptions - Help Please - Writers Forum

blademasterzzz · 05-22-2005, 09:20 PM

Could you give me some tips on how to create or enhance descriptions of nature, cities? How to make them more powerful, more gripping, so the reader doesn't simply gloss over them?

mammamaia · 05-23-2005, 08:27 AM

i don't think tips will be as helpful as reading the best works of the best writers... study how the pros do it and you'll soon be out of woods [sorry, couldn't resist the pun!]...

love and hugs, maia

blademasterzzz · 05-23-2005, 08:30 PM

I just wanted a few tips...

To help me in short term...

At least gimme some author names.

Anidazen · 05-23-2005, 08:38 PM

Well everyone has their own individual style, including you

, and our writing ability is enhanced quite a lot through both reading and writing.

What works for you wouldn't necessarily work for others. I don't particularly feel qualified to help much with this one, as my description isn't my strong point. (I don't tend to use much setting description, more character and plot focus. Sacrificing the extensive background for a faster pace.)

Maybe if you give us a few examples of where you feel lacking and we can offer a few hints?

Generally speaking: Obviously you can use imagery to liven up your setting description, but be very careful, it's easier to go overkill here.

I tried and failed to give generic advice without any examples! This is pretty much like asking someone "how to write well"! With examples we can maybe help.

blademasterzzz · 05-23-2005, 08:50 PM

Ok, I'll give you an example:

The deadly swamp vapours were gradually eating their way through the grey, crumbling walls. A constant stench of decay hung in the air. The master slowly strolled through the room to the pedestal. On the floor, dirty swamp water splashed under his feet. Large cracks ran throughout the room, and were getting wider by the day. The columns holding up the ceiling were collapsing lower and lower into the floor. Soon, the ceiling would probably crumble to pieces.

The master put his hands onto the old pedestal; the insects crawling on it scurried out of the way. The master stood tall, facing a great round table which was the only thing in the room that was not in a rotten state.

Around it, ten people in black cloaks sat, patiently waiting. The master slowly breathed in, calming himself. The people would not like what he had to say.

Anidazen · 05-24-2005, 07:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by blademasterzzz

The deadly swamp vapours were gradually eating their way through the grey, crumbling walls. A constant stench of decay hung in the air. The master slowly strolled through the room to the pedestal. On the floor, dirty swamp water splashed under his feet. Large cracks ran throughout the room, and were getting wider by the day. The columns holding up the ceiling were collapsing lower and lower into the floor. Soon, the ceiling would probably crumble to pieces.

I'm isolating this as an example as it's probably the most descriptive bit, and also in places I feel the weakest.

I think again it's something you need to pick up through reading and writing, but remember you've got hundreds of techniques and styles, and variety is the key. Also try and engage your imagination. -- I'm not saying I can do this any better, just saying that they're good targets to aim for. Also it's OK to go off on a little tangent to describe something.

So if you pick out the walls, make that your focus. You introduced it with half of one sentence and followed it through but a little inconsistantly.

Also, I always describe things in terms of feelings too. "This place felt cold. Odd. Somewhat eery." can be more affective than pure graphic description. (Used series of minor sentences for jolt affect there... All language has an affect on the reader.) - Remember that you're NOT just trying to create mental images. You're trying to make the reader FEEL it.

Abstract rather than physical description can work well. Something like "This place had been abandoned for centuries." - This is a judgement you're making on the strength of your description. It livens it up a bit. But, once again, this is your own narrative style - if we see inside your characters' heads or not.

Eg.

The walls were crumbling here, and the floor was littered with the broken evidence of centuaries of neglect. Crumbled stone slabs sloped away into the murky grey water. This place hadn't been seen by human eyes for over a two hundred years.

Feel free to PM or email me if you need help with something I could help with. Another thing I think is important is to be wary of including description for description's sake - it has to have a purpose or just leave it out.

Saponification · 05-24-2005, 08:17 AM

I'd just talk about the reactions of the characters to the environment. There's nothing gripping about hearing how big a tree is or how dirty an alleyway looks.

mammamaia · 05-24-2005, 11:45 AM

...i'm going to go against the crowd here and say that example was pretty good... sure, each of us might write it differently, but as is, it did an okay job of setting the mood and feel of the place... to make it better, changes i'd suggest are relatively minor ones, such as dumping redundancies and unneeded words that dilute the impact, substituting some words for better ones, and rearranging it a bit to pull the description together... here's the version i'd use:

Quote:

Deadly swamp vapours ate their way through the grey, crumbling walls and a stench of decay hung heavily in the air. Large cracks were everywhere, widening day by day, as the columns supporting the ceiling sank relentlessly into the floor. Soon, it seemed, the ceiling itself would crumble.

Apparently oblivious to the precarious state of the chamber, the master walked slowly to the pedestal, dirty swamp water splashing under his feet.

...as you can see, it's best not to stick the action in the middle of that particular description, though in some cases it might work to break it up... here, it works best to set the scene and then introduce the character into it...

...hope this helps... hugs, m

Lord Raiden · 05-24-2005, 03:13 PM

I've mostly kept my mouth shut on this because I feel environment descriptions are best left up to the writer to decide how much to tell and how much to leave to the reader's own imagination. But I will say that from experience it's best to only detail as much as is relevant to the story. If they're in a woods and there's a lot of stuff around the charecters that they'll interact with or will interact with them or will somehow affect the storyline or the path they're on, then yeah, go into detail, but only up to the point of what will fit with what you're trying to tell. Anything more becomes bloat. For example:

"The two woodsman walked along the rugged, stony trail, stepping lively as they hurried through the east woods towards the castle of Guinness."

Now if you notice I didn't just say path. I gave the path a bit of a description in saying it was a "rugged, stony trail" because since they were stepping lively, it gives you an idea that these aren't just a couple of wimps in tights. These are guys who are also fairly rugged themselves and used to walking on paths like this if they moved so swiftly down it. Now the woods on the other hand got little more description than the fact that they were a woods and that the woods was known as the "east woods" most likely because it was to the east of something.

That's a good way to do environment descriptions. Now say your charecter walks into a room with a lot of old artifacts on it. Saying that it's a dark and dank room with some old artifacts on the wall doesn't really set the mood well, but if you add descriptions of the artifacts and maybe describe them in a way that makes them creapy, or the room was candle lit and the candle shed light on the walls as the artifacts created shadows that danced like peverse demonic forms or something like that you can set the mood with that. Think of it this way, environmental descriptions are used to setup a mood and a sceen only to the point where they benefit the scene. Once they become too much or begin to do harm to the scene by being too detailed, it kills things.

Hope that helps.

Druidus · 05-24-2005, 07:33 PM

The environment should be described based on how the character percieves it. This can help the reader empathize with the character, as they have already (presumably) forged a bond with him/her.

One thing I would also note, as well, is the replacement of nouns with pronouns. You speak of the "master" but you use that word to often. Let's assume that the master is a tall ninja,with dark hair.

Rather than:

Quote:

The master put his hands onto the old pedestal; the insects crawling on it scurried out of the way. The master stood tall, facing a great round table which was the only thing in the room that was not in a rotten state.

Write:

The graceful tall, dark haired man put his hands onto the old pedestal; the insects crawling on it scurried out of the way. (After this, you needn't put another noun in for him, use a pronoun) He then stood tall, facing a great round table which was the only thing in the room that was not in a rotten state.

By your writing, I look forward to reading your stories. Would you mind critiqueing mine?

http://www.writingforums.com/viewtopic.php?t=17645

Thank you!

Lord Raiden · 05-24-2005, 09:11 PM

Oh, good point Druidus. That is one very true point to describing environments that I did forget to mention. Kudos for bringing up that point.

ladywarrior · 05-30-2005, 03:24 PM

when i write i have my character's describe the setting. sometimes i do describe it as an author though but i believe in using my character to describe it.

suzakugaiden · 06-03-2005, 02:33 PM

Make like e.e.cummings and start inventing words. I know that a lot of people -- myself included -- finds this silly and approaching wrong, but it seems to work.

Also, avoid simily. Either use direct personification, or better yet, metaphor.

Finally, don't describe nature, but the MOOD of nature; the feeling of nature.

Also, trying being unexpected.

"The corn field, tangged orange by the Sun God on high, was a fresh nostalgic breeze through the hidden childlike corners of his mind."

"The moss greened and ran it's fingers through the ridges of the bark and, unmoving, respirated."

Okay, those are sort of sappy and goofy. Uh, don't use those examples. I think my advice is sound, though.

mammamaia · 06-07-2005, 11:54 AM

sorry, but i do have to agree with the sappy and goofy observation... the advice is definitely sound, however...

but the word is 'simile' with an 'e' not a 'y'...

love and hugs, maia