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The first solid, crystal clear memory she had was of her mother's blood. She was cowering behind one of the bulkheads on their rusting runt of a ship. Her father had just punched her mother square in the face. He was so drunk that he could hardly stand. The track marks on his arms stood out like neon signs. He was high on a mixture of cocaine and heroin. He was muttering to himself, talking nonsense about how he was going to rule the universe.
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Hmm... Alot of sentences start with "he" here. You might want to play around with them and see if you can get some variety.
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From an unopened six pack, there was half a bottle of beer left
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This sentence sounds kind of akward to me. How about, "Half a bottle of beer was left from an unopened six pack"? Another thing I just noticed... How can only half a bottle be left if the six pack is unopened?
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Cowardice and addiction ruled his life like an iron fist.
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Love this line.
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He loved to bully those that could not- or would not- stand up for themselves. Like Amber, Winter's mother. Like Winter herself until she grew old enough to defend herself..
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You've got some sentence fragmentation going on here. I understand what effect you're trying to go for, but it looks very poorly executed.
"He loved to bully those who could not- or would not- stand up for themselves, like Winter's mother, Amber, and Winter herself until she grew old enough to defend herself."
It sounds less akward, and is much more legible if you combine it all into one sentence.
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Blood still ran freely from the battered woman's nose.
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You might want to start a new paragraph here. You should have all your descripton of the father in one paragraph, and then start a new one now that you're returning to the action.
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Amber was sobbing brokenly, waiting for the beating she knew would unquestionably follow. It had not come.
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Woah... Sudden head-jump. You began from Winter's perspective. She was recalling her earliest memory, but now you've jumped into the head of her mother. It just doesn't seem right to me.
Brokenly... I could be wrong, but it doesn't sound like a word. It's kind of akward.
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Winter, her child, her baby, had knocked the monster who beat her out with a lump of broken pipe
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This sudden action isn't sudden enough. I think it's the use of "had", and the "her child, her baby" thing. Try:
"Suddenly, her child leapt up, clutching a lump of broken pipe, and knocked her monster of a father unconscious."
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It was even more heart breaking because she didn't know why he was doing it. Because she was only a child meant that Winter didn't understand about addiction like adults did.
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You jumped back into Winter's head. I can tell that this whole scene is meant to be from Winter's persepective, so fix up the parts where you jumped into Amber's head.
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Because she was only a child meant that Winter didn't understand about addiction like adults did
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This sentence is very akward. Suggestions:
"Because she was only a child, Winter didn't understand addiction the way adults did."
"Being a child, Winter didn't have an adult understanding of addiction."
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If she saw her father with a bottle in his hand, either her or her mother was going to get a beating.
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Another akward sentence... Try:
"If she saw a bottle in her father's hand, it meant a beating on her mother or herself could be expected"
Even still, the "her mother or herself" sounds somewhat akward... Try rewording the sentence a few times to see if you can come up with something smoother.
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It was an appalling situation, one that no child should ever have to be in
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Hmm... I would try using a hyphen instead of a comma.
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She could cope- she had to for both their sakes
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This would probably flow better as two separate sentences.
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In some ways, she became the mother and her mother the child.
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I understand this sentence, but it still sounds a little garbled.
"In a way, she became the mother and her mother became the child"
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If her father thought it was because she was scared, it was. Just not of him. She was scared of what he'd do to Amber the second she turned her back.
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This also sounds a little akward.
"If her father thought it was out of scared he was right, but she wasn't scared of him. She was scared of what he'd do to her mother the second she turned her back".
Another thing I've noticed is that you occasionally refer to the mother as "Amber". A child usually doesn't think of their mother by her first name. I would stick to just using "mother". I realize it could cause some problems in variety, but maybe you can find a way to work around that.
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It was violence filled and shocking, but it was just her life.
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Akward. I would try:
"It was shocking and filled with violence, but it was just her life."
Well, that's my critique on the first chapter. Overall, I think it has alot of potential. I think you just have to be careful to avoid head-jumping. Stay in Winter's head, and try not to refer to her mother as Amber so often.
