Dookie

Yeah. I just dont want to post anything just incase it actually does turn into something and I go to get it published but find someone has already published my own story!!

LastClick

Well, stealing is illegal. So if someone did, you could always sue the crap out of them. And you always have this site as your record... but it's your choice. I mean, I guess some people are paranoid in different ways. I carry a knife, take boxing and own a bullet-proof vest, but I'm not afraid to post my writing. In fact, I'd be flattered if someone stole any of my writing. But then I'd sue.

But it would be really great to see at least tiny bits of your work. I, for one, promise not to steal anything.

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Here's the smell of the blood still: all the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this little hand.

Dookie

mmhmm, at half nine( 25 minutes time since u all might be in different time zones). I will post an exert of my story, Trapped. You can find it in new posts section, keep ur eyes open

Trilock

Heh, you have a point there LastClick, but better safe than sorry, ne? But I suppose I could post a few short stories. Or they would steal those too. But I suppose I'd sue their plagerizing asses.

LastClick

Okie, dokie!

I'm not trying to force you to do anything. I'd be great if you did, but if you feel insecure posting anything, I shall not apply peer pressure. Except for the fact I'm probably nowhere near your age.

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Here's the smell of the blood still: all the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this little hand.

Trilock

Actually LC, I got something right here if you want to take a looksee: http://www.writingforums.com/viewtop...148&highlight=

Dookie

Miawriter, if you aint got anything nice to say then don't say it at all eh. Don't be so sour in future, just a tip.

Peter Thomas

Watch out for a few fundamentals of your story!

If it's smoke/steam that's coming out, then be aware that smoke keeps going up, not down. So it would only be effecting people who are above the level of his distillery roof (there wouldn't be many, I'm assuming). Keep in mind that even simple factors like wind and rain would drastically weaken the gas or blow it away, diluting the poison. And, assuming that somehow the wind and rain can be avoided, it would have to be an extremely small, contained area to build up enough gas to be leathal. Talking logistics, anyone who lived say more than 20 meters away wouldn't be exposed to any of the gas at all.

Having him make something to kill the neighbours isn't a bad idea, but personally I would avoid using the smoke as that something. It's just too hard to explain, and you said specifically that you wanted something believable.

Here's hoping that gets the creative juices flowing and inspires you somewhat!

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Dookie

Yeah that was helpful, but I have now went to far to change the story. Maybe in the final drafts I will do something about the smoke/steam thing. You mention about the radius of the poison not being big enough, welllllll your most probably right. But, and its a big but, this is fiction and the only boundary of this poison is my imagination

I've already thought about the rain and wind thing. The smoke/steam can only be seen coming out of the chimneys on warm gentle summer nights. Those were good points you had there, it did get my juices running. At least I know now that if I do come up with problems I'll probably be able to sort them. Thanks

(The story is going great by the way. I'm on chapter two writing a romance seen which was NOT intended ALso I have all the main plot of chapter three planned)

Peter Thomas

I understand what you mean about having gone too far to change :p That happened with a novel I was writing about a year and a half ago. One-hundred-and-twenty pages into it, I realised one simple thing at the beginning had mucked it all up for me. It was heartbreaking

I don't know if this would make it any easier, but maybe if you just had the steam as a by-product of whatever he's cooking up. ie - maybe he's boiling up a poison to contaminate the waterways (totally random thought there...) and the steam is the result of that burning heat? Of course, if that doesn't help you out of your trouble, then stick with what you've got. Just make sure that you don't use the 'fiction' genre as an excuse for illogical and unexplained events. But I'm sure you wont

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Anarkos

Um.

Steam/smoke goes up if it's lighter than air. Often, as things from an incinerator cool, they condense.

And come back down.

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mammamaia

dookie...
just a tip... don't insult one of the most helpful adults around here...

if you can't handle the truth, don't ask for help... and, btw, real writers DO come up with their own ideas and do NOT have to ask for freebies from other amateurs...

i'm not being sour either, just honest and frank...

maia

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Marsieux

How about he abuses animals for a feeling of self-worth? Or rather people?

I can't remember what Russian tsar did this, but I think it was Ivan the Terrible who took either people or animals to the towers of buildings and cast them off the sides and to their imminent deaths.

I think it's funny that nobody ever thought that a troubled youth like Ivan had any problems. No, back in Russia at that time it was perfectly normal to throw people off buildings to relieve stress .

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Oracle

Well, as long as he's insane, and he's trying to get revenge on the world, then you've established a motive. But what is allowing him to do this? What's preventing the people from blowing him to pieces? I think if you flesh your story out, it'll have potential.

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Dookie

The thing thats stopping them from, as you've so elegantly put it, blowing him to pieces is that this is the real world and people dont blow each other to pieces

Chapter three and going strong