Londongrey

Hi,

I have noticed sometimes that pieces tend to fail when they hold too many absract words within. That in an attempt to describe emotion the piece fails to evoke emotion in a reader.

'Abstract' - A mental representation or concept that isolates and generalises an aspect or quality of an object or of a group of experiences, from which relationships may be or are perceived. - Webster's Comprehensive Dictionary.

'Abstraction' - 1. State of being absracted....2. Seperation, removal, theft.... - Webster's Comprhensive Dictionary.

We all know that poetry is about the detail, the ability to observe and render on various levels. Language by its nature in our everyday use categorises and generalises what we see in front of us. Poetry has to do more than this.

We can all write about love, hate, anger, heaven, hell etc. But what sets poetry apart is that it can evoke these things in a reader without actually mentioning them. By the use of concrete images, things that we can touch, smell and taste. The difference between 'show' and 'tell'.

I personally started writing at Lit.Org first of all, I then joined a poetry workshop in which discussions were held which have led to my firm belief that abstractions have little place in poetry.

So e can write about life, we can write about love, hate, despair, all of which are abstract notions that show nothing, now take this piece:

"I went down to the river,
I set down on the bank,
I tried to think but couldn't,
So I jumped in and sank.

I came up once and hollered!
I came up twice and cried!
If that water hadn't a-been so cold
I might have sunk and died.

But it was
Cold in that water!
It was cold!

I took the elevator
Sixteen floors above the ground.
I thought about my baby
And I thought I would jump down.

I stood there and I hollered!
I stood there and I cried!
If it hadn't a-been so high
I might've jumped and died.

BUt it was
High up there!
It was high!

So since I'm still here livin',
I guess I will live on.
I could've died for love-
But for livin' I was born.

Though you may here me holler,
And you may see me cry-
I'll be dogged, sweet baby,
If you gonna see me die.

Life is fine!
Fine as wine!
Life is fine!

by Langston Hughes

This is a perfect example of how to 'evoke' emotion in the reader without actually mentioning any emotion. It is a rather basic example but clearly displays the writers talent for 'showing' through situations the emotions of the narrator.

So what emotions does it evoke in you? List them below and see if you can come up with situations that would evoke a response from the reader without using the words in your list.

Best Wishes

Alex

nae411

Darn Alex, I don't want to be first! I enjoyed reading this but I am sure you are grading, right? Don't like bad grades, lol. Ok, emotions, hmm,

helplessness
excitement
frustration
desperation

Ok if I failed, lie to me ok? Just kidding. Good job Alex.

Nae

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Londongrey

Lol!! I'm not grading!! There is no wrong or right answer to the list of emotions, most will be universal.

It is an excercise simply to make people think more deeply about what they are writing, to engage the reader in your writing to a deeper level.

That is a good list of emotions, now try and think of situations a narrator may be in that would show those emotions, and there is an outline or starting point for an original piece of poetry that you can really get your teeth into.

So c'mon Nae, you can do it!!

Alex xx

nae411

Ok, I will jump in, feet first.

Hmm, situations:

I believe he just broke up with his gf/wife/mistress (you know me always about the possibilities) ok back to subject. He considered suicide/giving up, but then got cold feet.

Favorite verse:

That verse rocks! Anyway he decided if he was going to live, he was going to really live, and he was damn sure he was not going to let her see him down. There is the sign of hope at the end!!!! Love it...

Ok how bad did I do?

Nae

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Londongrey

Hehe,

I meant your own pieces not Mr. Hughes!!! Nuts, I always balls these things up.

Try and use your list to think of various situations, any situations that show these emotions, make them up yourself.

i.e:

abstract - helplessness

Situations - dying relative, stranded abroad or in the middle of nowhere, a catastrpohe so large anything you do makes no impact.

First draft -

He took the sip of water with a web of fingers,
twisting in coarse cotton stained with
every meal of the day, hips rustling
to stay in line with his shoulders.

See??!!

nae411

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH......

And my hair is not naturally blonde either. Don't I feel silly now...


LMAO, ok but will need to come back to this, lol, I have to go be in the real world for a while! Thanks Alex.

Nae

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