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Old 12-28-2004, 12:24 PM   #1
Writer
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 33
buzzlink22
stuck(advice)

Just looking for some advice, anything will help thanks...


If to move would make me breathless, then I shall not.
Watching myself be paralyzed from every intake of breath.
Bones locked down in place.
have all I can do to see your face.
with each turn I weaken
I feel as if I have been beaten
frustration taking its toll on me
I just want to be free from me
you are staring I can feel your eyes on my back as I walk away. I wish I could stay but inside its eating me alive.
everyday I strive to improve my thoughts but each turn comes back to haunt me.
In my head I am running as fast as I can.
But my feet have not moved
who, what, why
I look this way, I wish I could say.
Do not jugde or hold a grudge If I choose not to talk. Trust me it is not you but me, that just needs to let me be me
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Old 12-28-2004, 01:30 PM   #2
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playstation60
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IMO you need to figure out where you want to take the piece. You seem to kinda bounce back and forth, no real solid position on things.
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Old 12-28-2004, 08:37 PM   #3
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buzzlink22
Thank you for the info, it is helpful... Thanks
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Old 12-29-2004, 09:13 AM   #4
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You should put this in either the poetry, or critique and advice sections. Thats where people give you advice on things.
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Old 12-29-2004, 10:06 AM   #5
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buzzlink22
thanks for the info. will do...
later
buzz
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