Dialogue Issues - Writers Forum

Narselon · 11-28-2004, 09:14 PM

I'm writing my first novel. I have a very interesting plot and characters, but one of my main issues is dialogue. Once I get into a conversation, it goes on for pages with little to no action. At times it is just line after lines of quotes because it seems repetitive to say said or says every other line. It feels like it is just a bunch of talking heads. Sometimes I attempt to break it up by analyzing thoughts and reactions, but it doesn't always work. I get on such a roll with the exchange that seems perfect, except nothing is really happening.

Recently, I started what I consider a megachapter. It went on a tangent from the main storyline to tell three stories relating to a single character. The first two sections went very well with balance, but the third section I'm finding impossible. One character is parylized and the other is talking to him in a blank void. This section is very important for establishing their differening philosophies and explains a lot of unanswered questions. I don't know what to do other than to continue on for a few pages.

Talia_Brie · 11-28-2004, 11:45 PM

Dialogue is slippery. It's a real balancing act, and it can easily be overdone.

But I think you can think of dialogue differently on paper than you do on film. For example, the current theories on film dialogue is that having characters standing around talkig is boring, and the characters should be moving. In a book that's no necessarily the case.

Pages of solid quotes however, certainly appear excessive, though the only way to really judge is to see what you've written.

In terms of overusing 'he said, she said', just make sure that the reader is clear on who is saying what. That's all that's important.

But like anything in the story, even a long discussion has to have direction. If you're worried about the lengths of your dialogue, then you probably have a reason to be. Trust your instincts. Go back through the problem areas and see how much of the conversation is actually driving the story. Also, think about whether there is anything in there that can be exposed another way, or somewhere else in the story.

But like I said. If you think the dialogue is too long, then it probably is. Trust yourself.

Nazareth · 11-29-2004, 12:10 AM

Maybe post an example narselon- Might be able to give better tips if we see what your writing style is

ghostman · 11-29-2004, 01:25 AM

I agree. Post it. But I think I can offer a couple suggestions without seeing your work:

Go ahead and write the lengthy dialogues as you're doing. Get everything on paper. Then go back and cut and edit. It's better to have too much in a first draft than not enough.

And as far as writing "he said" or "she said" after every line, I wouldn't worry too much about it. Readers tend to notice the exact wording after quotes very little - it just reminds them who is talking. The "he said" and "she said" that follows quotes are probably the most skimmed-over words in any novel. "Said", "replied", "asked", "answered" - I think I could write an entire book using just these four descriptions and the reader would never know the difference. Whether I would actually write that book is another story - but you get the point.

Narselon · 11-29-2004, 04:01 PM

Here's an excerpt. I know it is not good at all, but please bear with me. Ignore the codenames, such as Exile, Phantom, Raven. I probaly posted too much anyways, but by the end it continues on for a while. It just keeps going back and forth.

Quote:

It all should have ended right there but it didn’t. Fate was not done with Exile just yet. The next time he opened his eyes, he found himself in a place he was completely unfamiliar with. He looked around and attempted to figure out where he was. It was very difficult to describe what he was seeing. In every direction he saw black and white, but neither as well. The area seemed to stretch on forever, yet there was no feeling of depth. Exile himself felt like he was floating and tied down at the same time.

After surveying the area, he came to the conclusion that he wouldn’t find out anything by just standing around. To his dismay, he couldn’t walk. He couldn’t even move at all. The only thing that could move was his head. Thinking he was all alone, he thought out loud, “Where am I?”

His voice fell immediately flat. There was nothing to carry or amplify the sounds coming from his mouth, but one set of ears managed to hear. From close behind he heard the response, “Purgatory, the land between Heaven and Hell.”

“I don’t believe in such bull.”

The man walked around to the front. He was dressed in the very familiar black cloak. Almost jokingly he asked, “Are you sure?”

“You are not Raven. He is dead. I saw him die before my eyes.”

“I did die. That is why I am here in Purgatory. You were shot in the neck, were you not? If you were the feeblest old woman or the strongest man, it doesn’t matter. A bullet does not discriminate. It kills no matter what.”

“This is not scientifically possible. An afterlife cannot exist and you are probably another one of Nemocise’s tricks.”

“I admire your flattery, but Nemocise no longer has a use for you. It doesn’t matter if you are alive anymore. You fulfilled your part. Appearing as me this late in the game would be a waste of his energy.”

Exile didn’t want to believe what Raven was saying. Even if it didn’t imply that he was dead, he couldn’t accept that there was an afterlife. For such a thing to exist, everything he believed in would be invalidated. Science was one of the few things he believed in. He didn’t want there to be something beyond that could not be rationalized. Everything up until that point was explained or was capable of being explained.

Raven continued, “I can tell from your expression that you aren’t happy with this. Only you would not be pleased with an afterlife. Even you must admit that there are things you do not understand. The missing pieces that create flaws in history. Like how you can have memories of the past or how I came back to life. It all may seem so farfetched, but this place is actually the final piece of the puzzle.”

“I fail to see how the lonely afterlife could hold any basis in the rational universe.”

“If you live as long as I have, then you’d do research on anything and everything. This is not the afterlife. The afterlife does not exist. Think of this place as the fifth dimension in its purest form.”

“The fifth dimension is the realm of the mind. If a person is dead then the mind cannot operate.”

“That is partially true. The dead cannot think, but the death of the body does not always signify the death of the mind.”

Raven took a breather before he sighed and continued, “I suppose it is time to tell you the whole story. It turns out the mind operates solely on a special vital fluid, Cerequid. The brain produces Cerequid in small doses and the supply runs out at death. Usually, this means the end, but there are exceptions. When a person dies in anger or extreme emotion, the body creates an enormous amount of Cerequid. In this case, the mind can linger on beyond death, until it eventually uses up what is left. That is why ghosts are only of those who suffer great tragedy. Other cases have shown that a genetic mutation causes some to create extra Cerequid throughout their entire life. I fit into that category.

I have also discovered that the mind is bound to a certain genetic code. Usually both mind and body are created at birth, but I started to notice that very few minds were created. There were far fewer than to account for all that were born. If a genetic match exists between mind and body, the mind will be reused. Unfortunately, it is generally a long time since the mind originally died and over that time memories decay. The mind is essentially a blank slate, but if given enough time a person could recover memories. Regrettably, no person has ever been able to survive between lives. Even my mind dies before the next David is born. That small lapse creates the person you knew as Phantom.

If you remember, Phantom had to go to a psychologist regularly when he was young. He showed some signs of multiple personality disorder. Through therapy he was able to suppress the other personality, which happened to be me. Without access to my own body, I was trapped watching him make the same mistakes. Eventually, I found a willing outlet that I could communicate with. You remember the night shortly after you were born when you were attacked by hallucinations?”

“You did that?”

“It was the only way to awaken your power. Before that night you didn’t know that it was possible for anyone other than Zero or Phantom to be that strong. I’ve also been the source of all your visions. Once again, I must call upon your services.”

“What can I do? I’m dead.”

Ilan Bouchard · 12-06-2004, 04:09 PM

Take a look at any book - perhaps a mystery, a book that has a lot of dialogue. Usually if it's a male and a female "he said" "she said" are fine. When it's two people from the same sex, mentioning the name every few lines makes it easier to understand who's saying what. I find a good way to break up dialogue is to show physical reactions of the characters, such as:
Exile crossed his arms, pausing before saying, "Whatever it is Exile says."
Readers don't usually notice said, answered, replied, etc as ghostman mentioned.

Dialogue isn't easy, I have trouble with it too. Good luck.

Narselon · 12-06-2004, 08:00 PM

I got myself into a frustrating perdicament, giving one of the characters paralysis as part of a plot point. Plus, I placed them in a void. It has been almost a nightmare to write it as it is right beforethe big finale.

Thanks for your help. I'll see what I can do to add some action. I'd be much better suited for writing scripts, but you never see a book split up in that format.

Nazareth · 12-06-2004, 08:47 PM

Can your paralized character use telekenisi to move themselves maybe? Maybe show it move them in wierd ways that might endanger them because it's uncontrollable?

Dunno what your stories about, but just a thought for a way to add action to a person incabable of motion by physical means

Ilan Bouchard · 12-27-2004, 09:53 PM

And it doesn't have to be action either.

"Blah blah blah," said Person1.
Person2 sat pondering, disturbed, before saying "Blah blah BLAH!"

There I broke up the dialogue without any character movement. Hope that helps.

lisajane · 12-29-2004, 12:28 AM

I write dialogue without giving it much of a thought. I have my characters saying what I would say and the dialogue stops when I figure they've done enough talking and said everything they've needed to say for the time being.

I rarely write 'he says' or 'she said' or stuff like that. I generally either have actions of the person takling beside the dialogue or just the dialogue on a line on its own.

Kimba · 12-30-2004, 05:44 PM

Me neither. I tend not to just write "he said" "she said" though. I'd write something like "she pondered" or "he sneered". Makes for much more entertaining dialogue.

whiz_bang · 01-04-2005, 08:16 PM

Although this is more along the lines of character description, it still might be of some use to you. An article I read today suggested that you describe your characters through their actions. Again, just a thought. Hope it's helpful.

Raith · 01-04-2005, 08:34 PM

yeah, use thesaurus often. and you dont have to resort to the he said, she said thing.

bobothegoat · 01-04-2005, 08:35 PM

Unfortunaltly, preferences differ. Personally, I like things with lots of dialogue if it actually relates to the story. Obviously things such as long discussions about what they're having for dinner wouldn't be interesting, but I actually like your segment (though I was a bit confused having not read earlier portions of the story).

Given the setting, I can't see you really putting a whole lot of action without it seeming simply ridiculous. I see what makes you worried, but honestly can't see anyway to make it better, or at least not to my taste.

Anyway, I'm obviously not being of much help, so I'll simply wish you luck on getting your issue resolved. Good luck!

americanwriter · 01-04-2005, 08:48 PM

Narselon, good example. You seem to have a good ear for dialog and avoid a lot of the pitfalls. It reads like a genuine conversation.

Write the dialog the way it runs in your mind, insert identifiers to keep your reader oriented. They don't necessarily have to be "he said," "she said" but something like.

"I've had enough of this crap." Joe slammed the book down onto the table, startling the student class. A hand went up in the far back row. "Yes, Jason?"

"If you're fed up with us, can we have the rest of the day off?" Snickering. Joe tried to remind himself to breathe. This is just penance, for what you did to your fifth grade math teacher. You're doing penance. Suck it up and move on.

I would recommend David Morrell's book, "Lessons From A Lifetime of Writing," ISBN 1-58297-270-2. It has many great lessons, but particularly one on what NOT to do with dialog. Actually the book is a great workshop in itself. You could probably find a used copy on Amazon, certainly a new one, and will likely find one at your local bookstore if they have a writer's reference section.