i went to lit mag meeting yesterday, and shared Daniel Caan I. Jack Mori.
it was very interesting got many comments.
i would selectively accept those comments, that i received that day.
but one thing bothered me really much. actually everything bothered me.
one said that my dialogues are a bit confusing.
i had that problem from the beginning and still could not fix it.
so, if you would please, help me with dialogues.
i would put name right before quotations mark so you know who said what.
tips would be very helpful.
the () shouldn't really be there.
Quote:
(unknown)"14A..." His face was hidden above falling sun.
Caan stood and stared at the new figure walking in.
The new entered swiftly and seize the air.
(unknown)"Hello, sir. How do you do?"
Caan looked at him closely.
Aged no more than 19. Cleanly shaved chin, unlike the rough surface of Caan's. Freshly managed short and new hair cut, bright blonde.
(unknown, now Jack)"Jack Mori, glad to meet you." he said with extended arm, (Daniel Caan)"Daniel Caan, likewise." Caan answered, with his brown eyes examining the new.
(Jack Mori)"What a nice evening, don’t you agree?" Jack looked at Caan with a bright smile.
Caan just nodded. The setting sun placed burning coal colored light on their faces.
He said it with a little sad smile, remembering.
(Caan)"Then you would have to be very brave, and yet very careful." Caan said.
And they both knew that it was impossible.
It was either bravery or cautiousness. There was nothing in between.
Jack came to save lives, he said.
(Jack)"My child-hood dream was to be a doctor. I wanted to go to some poor country, and help the sick at no cost.
(Jack)"My parents opposed the idea, except at being a doctor. That's how parents all are, I think. I will go to poor country when I get the degree."
He was in medical courses, he said. He was enjoying it too.
(Jack)"You know, if doctors were like farmers, soldiers would be like fishermen. Fishermen put their lives into dangers, but farmers don't. They both get foods for people, but different kind. Soldiers save lives in danger. Doctors dying lives.
(Jack)"I value fishermen higher than farmers. I am glad that I have become somebody who would even die for what he wants to protect." Jack was like that. He was pretty much happy with what was given for him. Jack had this eyes which showed that he meant what he said.
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