Hello here is a book I'm writing and I'd appreciate it if you guys helped me out. It needs a lot of work. It's a science fiction novel. It especially needs help in the beginning. I rushed it a bit....
Thanks
-Kevin
May 9th, 1998
It was a cool spring night outside of the Spencer Estate. Steven was outside on the second floor balcony of the estate staring at the trees and the moon just thinking of the creatures that they had made with the t-virus. He thought after all of this was over, and when we give the creatures over to U.B.C.S. (Umbrella Biohazard Countermeasure Service), he and the rest of the researchers would all be rich men.
In 1963, Oswell Spencer and Edward Ashford founded The Umbrella Corporation. A few years before that, they discovered the mother virus, and did plenty of research on it and created a variation of it called the Progenitor virus. The mother virus was a virus that could alter DNA of living things. Research will continue on the virus.
On September 19th, 1977, an important researcher, James Marcus created the t-virus by mixing the Progenitor virus with leech DNA. The t-virus is designed to mutate the body through excess growth in height, muscle, and strength. They created Umbrella, a pharmaceutical company, to cover what they were doing, viral research.
The estate was built in the outskirts of Raccoon City. Raccoon was a secluded mountain community in the Mid-western part of the United States that had over 800,000 inhabitants.
He had yawned and…….
He heard a crash below the balcony that sounded like a bunch of buckets clanging together.
Steve looked over, and it was just Malcolm feeding the dogs. Malcolm was the keeper of the estate, he would cook the meals, feed the dogs and what not. He had a pretty big gut and he loved his snacks and was a great cook! He then looked down at him again.
The dogs he was feeding were very strong, fully grown Doberman Pinchers that were ready to tear the living flesh off of anyone that came across the mansion. They were used to guard the estate from anyone that trespassed the property but he didn’t think that was ever going to happen because the mansion was planned to be a weekend retreat for the Umbrella’s V.I.P. employees, but when the lead architect, George Trevor went insane, they closed the estate but Umbrella kept it secretly open for bio-organic weapons research.
“Hey Malcolm!” he yelled. “How about you, Scott, Alias, and I play some poker tonight?”
“Yea why the hell not. But I’m going to kick all of your asses though! And you know it!”
“Yea, well, we’ll see.” He continued to stare down at him until he left. He picked his head up and pulled out a cigarette and lit it. He inhaled deeply and of the expression on his face, you could tell he was really enjoying it.
He looked at his watch and noticed that Malcolm was soon going to start supper. 6:30 P.M. He inhaled on his cigarette again and threw it on the ground and stomped on it with his foot. He walked inside into a huge main hallway. He turned a corner and went down 2 sets of stairs. The room was very beautiful. It had marble floors and very tall cathedral ceilings with pillars holding up the balcony inside that led to numerous doors. The pillars were stained oak to give it a flicker. A Chandelier hung from the ceiling giving off a warm mood that made him feel like nothing mattered. He opened double doors going into the dining room which that had checker tiled floors and another balcony overhead looking down to the dining room table that was also oak. A grandfather clock had been placed on the east wall of the room that ticked constantly. To the left of it was a picture of two men sword fighting. The man with the short-sword had been thrust into the breast of one knight, while the long sword has pierced the head of the other. In the north part of the room was a fireplace with a wooden emblem over it. To the right was a door that opened to a long narrow hallway that led to his bedroom. He reached for the knob and he turned it. Steve walked a few steps toward another door and opened that one. This hallway was also narrow that was shaped like an L. He continued down the hall about six feet and turned left into his bedroom that he had shared with his roommate, Malcolm.
He walked over to his closet and got out of his lab coat and changed into more casual wear. He dressed in black pants and red shirt. Steven left the room and encountered Martin Crackhorn. He was a very nice guy that had missed his love, Alma. Martin waved and then walked passed him. He then turned around.
“Hey Steve. I just got up from the lab. We just finished feeding the hunters and chimeras.” Hunters were specimens that were made my injecting the t-virus into mammals. The outcome came to a very aggressive beast that couldn’t be controlled. Chimeras were specimens that were made by injecting the t-virus into insects. They then become very hostile beasts.
“I can’t believe what we have created. We are practically playing god here. It’s very amazing.”
“That it is. Umbrella is going to love the B.O.W. (Bio Organic Weapons) we have created. I have been thinking what the Ashfords in England have created. Have you contacted them recently?”
“No I haven’t but my last contact with them was that they had finished working on the Veronica virus. They had named it after their dead ancestors. It’s more of a complex virus then the T-Virus. It mutates the victim in many ways and gives them unimaginable powers. That’s all I know. They didn’t get into detail, cheap bastards.” Stated Martin.
“Yea I guess it is better not to tell us.” Said Steve.
“I guess your right. I’ll see you at dinner.”
Martin walked down the hallway and Steve glanced at him until he walked through the door, to the next corridor. He then followed Martin but went the opposite way as he did. He turned left down the hushed hallway that headed to the stairs that led down to the kitchen. He opened the door and saw Malcolm.
“What’s for dinn—“
“Ahhh! Oh sorry about that! You scared the shit out of me! I didn’t think anyone was down here!”
“Shit you scared me too. I didn’t mean to startle you! Is everything ok?”
“Yes everything is just fine.” Said Malcolm. He began to sweat and he had to sit down. He grabbed his scotch that was sitting on the table in the middle of the room with the upcoming meal sitting upon it. He had then grasped his chest and his eyes opened wide. He had taken a deep breath and everything seemed fine. Steve gave off a strange look and walked to the sink to wash his hands.
“Are you…. ok?” Asked Steve.
“Uh, yea….. yea I’m fine.”
“Alright. Are you sure?”
“Yea I’m sure.”
“Ok your just acting very weird. Before when I was talking to you when you were feeding the dogs, you seemed fine, but now, it seems like your under so much stress.”
“Yea I know. I just don’t feel good that’s all.”
“Ok. Well since your done and ready to set up dinner, want me to help you bring it up to the dining room?” Steve asked.
“That would be great.” Steve carefully grabbed the platter of food and slowly brought it up the stairs. They had came to the hall and walked towards the dining room.
As Malcolm was setting the table, Steven walked into the main hallway and just stood there and stared at the front door. He walked towards it and opened it up and felt the fresh spring air whip into his face. He breathed in heavily and stared at the earth path that led away from the estate. He noticed that there were some dark clouds over head Raccoon. It began to thunder and rain so he stepped a few steps back underneath the over hang and stood there. He was thinking of the lab. All of the creatures and monsters they had made for the Umbrella Corporation. He had a big smile on his face and he began to think of the Lisa Trevor.
She was the lead architect’s daughter. In the 1960’s, Umbrella injected her with the Progenitor Virus. We had administered her the virus, Type-B. It would plasmolyze the tissue during cell activation. The virus fusion was positive but it delayed fusion. We kept her in this secret room that was deep under the mine. We also injected her mother when she was among us. Type-A. It did plazmolyze the tissue during cell activation, but the virus fusion was negative. We had to dispose of her. He remembered the day he was shown the file of Jessica and Lisa Trevor. It was a shock to him as he was reading it. George thought his family was dead, but they were actually among him in the mansion where he couldn’t find them. We gave it to George too but it had no affect on him. It was terminated on November 30, 1967. In the year 1988, a researcher named William Birkin founded the G-virus. It was found in Lisa Trevor, it was shocking news that it was found in her after she had been strapped down in a hospital bed for so many years. The neutrons and electrons had been destroyed in the cells, the cell wall had given out, and the cell base was eaten away from all of the injections that we had given her. Then, the G-virus was created. The G-virus did constant mutation to the body. If a victim was attacked my a g-virus carrier, they too would be infected and sometimes having an embryo implanted in the victim’s body.
Steven’s mind drifted away and the wind picked up, blowing the soaked, spring rain into his face. When he felt it, he stepped up and walked inside. As he opened the door, he saw Alias. He worked in security. He was a very outgoing guy that always spoke his mind and could get to be a pain in the ass sometimes.
“Hey, Alias! You playing poker tonight with Me, Scott and Malcolm?”
“Hell yea I am. I’d never miss it. Well hey, dinner is ready, lets go fucking eat.”
Steve glanced around the room and took a deep breath. He followed Alias into the dining room. He grabbed the glass plate. It had a picture of the mansion engraved on it.
He had taken some steak and some vegetables and placed them on his plate. He grabbed the bitter, firm fork and stabbed the meat and put it into his mouth. As he was eating his food, he began to think of the laboratory. He sat up and left his plate there with his un-eaten food still on it. He walked towards the door and he grabbed the cold, solid brass doorknob and turned it. He turned left and walked under the staircase and down two sets of stairs with 4 stairs on each that came to a steel dual door. It had two Umbrella Corporation emblems set into it on each entry that were made of Iron. He opened the door and went down several stairs that reached to a weapon storage box and a typewriter. The weapons were for emergencies. There were boxes spread around the grounds. In the grounds of the estate, laboratories, guard house, the abandoned underground mine, there were 6 boxes.
Steve turned right and went down 2 more big sets of stairs that were full of grim on the walls and the stairs and a light that flickered on and off. He had then come upon to this musky, hallway that didn’t have anything on the walls. It was dirt from underground. He continued down the subversive hallway. The floor had wooden planks on the bottom. Steven eventually came to a metal, rusted door. He put his sweaty hand on the knob and turned it. It led to another underground passage and came to a staircase dug into the ground. The corridor had lit candles around him as he went down warming up his atmosphere. He came to a ladder and climbed down. This room was a platform that had about a two hundred foot drop. He looked around the room and he saw a skeleton hanging from the ceiling of the room in chains. In the middle of the room was a concrete coffin. This is the room where the Umbrella Corp. put Jessica’s body. He continued around the coffin and came to a passage. He walked nonstop down the rocky walled strip and it came to a circular elevator that could only fit a few people on it. He pressed the red button on the pole and it began to rise. It rose to a little room that led out to a courtyard. He walked forward and to the left was a steel door. That’s where they had kept the creatures they had created. The hunters and the chimeras. He continued around the courtyard and came to this pool. It was the secret entrance to the labs. There was a hidden access panel under one of the rocks and he inputted the code. If you didn’t know the code, you would have to insert the two medals into their proper slots. Eagle and wolf. The pool suddenly opened up and all of the water dropped down into this hole and some of the side of it dropped down into a doorway leading to stairs. He descended down the stairs and came to an elevator. Steve walked into the elevator and flicked a switch and the elevator started to commence downward.
Steve had a family in Raccoon City, and they thought that he was on the other side of the country because of business, but he was just in the outskirts of the city. He had a loving wife, Loretta and two kids, Billy and Kara. He had cheated on Loretta, and she never found out, but Kara saw me kissing her one night and I told her not to tell mommy. She never did. He had just told her that she was my old friend, nothing more. It gave him the chills just thinking about it and made him so fumingly mad! He never cheated on her again.
The elevator came to a stop deep underground and the gate flew open. Steve had stepped out of the elevator and took a turn to the left. He walked past a water pump that kept all of the water stored in it that came from the pool that had opened moments before. He continued around it and came to a gate that that read “EMERGENCY EXIT! WILL NOT OPEN UNLESS IN FIRST CLASS EMERGENCY!” It led to the helipad. If any employees were on the helipad without a supervisor, they would be shot.
Steve walked past the gate and came upon a ladder. He commenced downward and came to a small room with a weapon storage box and a desk to the left. The room had security protocols all over the walls. He walked forward again and came to a double door. Steve opened it up and came to a hallway. It had two hospital beds in the corner on top of each other. Above him were pipes that lead all around the labs. It was the air conditioner and heating system. He continued around the corner and walked over a puddle of water, soaking his shoes. To his right as he walked around the corner was a railing. Stairs Led to the lower levels of the lab. He walked down them and came to a steel, railed door. He grabbed the handle and pulled it. He continued down the hallway and saw a researcher. His I.D. tag read Daniel Gabselson. He had met him before but never really talked to him. He was one of the lead researchers on the tyrant project. The tyrant project was a successful injection of the t-virus into a human being. The subject’s height grew to over ten feet and muscular system grew rapidly. Steve walked to a door and placed his hand on it. It led to a hallway that went to the lounge, boiler room, and elevator. He continued down the hallway and opened the elevator doors. He walked in and pressed the elevator’s button and it went down. He came to a small hall with chemicals placed on glassed in racks all over the hall’s walls.
does it seem fine to you? i just dont like the beginning and they ending... It's very descriptive but at the part where he is going to the lab, the descriptive writing is slipping away. Maybe i just have to visualize the room a little better. I just need some tips and advice of what I'm writing. Thanks. 
). Do "Outbreak" just for fun and then work on a fresh idea. That is just my opinion though--you can take it or leave it.
