Magnatolia

Hi All

I'm having difficulty spotting the difference between showing and telling when reading published books. I was hoping that someone could point out some handy websites that take examples from popular books, including HP, Lord of the Rings, etc and take it apart and explain how they wrote it - tense, pov, and most important show or tell.

Cheers
Jason

Bluenoseuk

I'm not very sure, actually. The best thing I can think you might do is to go onto the J RR Tolkien website, I think there is analysis on the books on that website, although I'm not sure how deep you want to know about things. I'm not sure of the website address, but if you type in 'J RR Tolkien official website' into a search engine, I'm sure you'll get it. GOOD LUCK.

Gary.

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Spudley

You might try www.ReadersRead.com - they've got quite a lot of resources for readers there. Not sure if they've got exactly what you're after, but even if they don't, they should be able to point you in the right direction.

Hope that helps

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Alys R.

Jason, this is totally random, but has anyone ever called you Jase?

Try the writing section of about.com ;P It has articles that go over POV and tenses and whatnot, and takes examples from books

OR: take an english class at college where they don't do anything but discuss books o_O

Magnatolia

Yeah, I've been called Jase a few times

I've tried to use About.com but every time I try and load anything on their site, the page is taken over by an ad, which doesn't load. Any idea on what would cause this, and how to fix it?

Cheers
Jason

Nazareth

Jason- A quick example- the first will be in a telling manner, the second will be in a showing manner. Basically with showing, you want to paint with woprds so to speak. You want to show what a character is doing rather than statically tellin g the reader what they are doing- for example.

The old woman was mad. She looked out the window and felt rage build in her as she saw the young whippersnapper dart across her lawn once again. The doorbell rang, she opened the door, and yelled at the boy. She then swung a broom at the boy's head, narrowly missing him. The boy was very surprised by this, and ducked to avoid the broom.

(Here, I've TOLD you all the pertinent facts of the case- 1: the boy always cuts across the old ladies lawn 2: The old woman hates it that he does and is angry 3: She takes a swipe at the poor kid- Now, watch in the second paragraph how I SHOW you how everyone is feeling instead of simply TELLING you the mundane facts. I'll be able to SHOW you that the woman is old without saying one word about her age, and I'll show you her anger instead of just TELLING you she is angry, and I'll SHOW you the boys suprise without TELLING you the boy was surprised.

Mrs. Bernstein hooked a gnarled finger around the curtain, and eased the fabric back from the kitchen window. It was almost 12:00 noon, and any minute now the boy would dart across her lawn just like he had done every day for a year. She hunched over the sink glaring into the yard like a rabid dog. She had had enough. Seconds later, the image of the boy emerged from the woods, and she adjusted her coke bottle glasses to get a better look. Sure enough -- it was the little brat.

She hiked up her blouse, shuffled to the closet, and ripped the broom from it's holder. She crept to the front door and waited. Years of Arthritis made standing for any length of time almost impossible, but she was determined to end this boys nonsense once and for all. She clutched the broom, her knuckles white with the effort, and she strained her ears listening for any sign of the boys presence.

The doorbell rang, and she nearly fell over backwards. She steadied herself on the coatrack, lifted the broom to her shoulder, and yanked the door open.

"Get out of her you little brat!" she yelled. She swung the broom for all she was worth, and screamed, "If I ever catch you crossing my lawn again, I'll breakl every bone in your miserable little body."

It wasn't much of a swing. Her tiny hunched over frame quivered with the effort, and caused her to lose her footing. She held out a bony arm and she glanced off the doorframe, screaming in pain.

Jerry's eyes, wide as saucers, darted up at the broom. Instinctively, he raised his arms to his face, and ducked at the same time. The broom glanced off his hat, knocking it to the ground. Before he could stop himself, he bolted toward Mrs. Bernstein and tackled her to the ground. Blood spurted from the open wound in her head, ran across the dingy linolium, and seeped under the kitchen sink. He stood silent before dropping to his knees. He grabbed fistfulls of his hair, and threw his head back in dismay.

"What have I done?" He cried. "Get up Mrs. Bernstein. Get up!"

His eyes flicked around the room looking for a towel, a napkin -- anything with which to staunch the bleeding. He spied an afghan on the filthy old couch, and ran to the living room.

He stopped halfway to the couch, his mind racing like frenzied locomotive. He spotted a footstool in the corner of the room and thought I'll make it look like an accident ... make it look like her frail little legs gave out on her.

He positioned the stool on it's side near the cupbords, knocked a glass on the floor, and placed a dishtowel in her bony fingers. He rose to his feet; his head pounding, his eyes blurred with tears. He glanced around the room, spotted the broom, and returned it to the closet. He was about to leave when he felt something on his leg. He tried to jump away, but her grip was too strong, and he fell headlong into the table. He clutched his arm and noticed a three inch gash in the flesh. He wriggled free from Mrs. Bernstein's death grip, and ran for the door, trying not to scream. Blood gushed from the wound, splattering on the floor as he ran.

(Ok, here I've SHOWN you the actions and feelings of the characters rather than simply telling you The old woman was angry. You can SEE that she was angry without my even TELLING you or using the word 'angry' - also, I've SHOWN you the boys fear and shown you his feelings rather than comming right out and saying 'he was afraid' (Which would be TELLING you his feelings) I've also SHOWN you that Mrs. Bernstein was old by DESCRIBING her condition ie: feeble, bony fingers, frail body etc. I didn't have to come right out and TELL the reader 'she was old')

Hope this helps some?

Magnatolia

Wow, thanks for that Nazareth. They were really good examples.

One more question. Do you know any lists of verbs that indicate telling and showing. I know 'was' is a good example of this. Any sentence that has 'was' is a TELLING.

Cheers
Jason

Nazareth

Hmm, I dunno. 'Was' is usually a past tense word when used with verbs that end in 'ed' like "He was killed" or "She was raked over the coals"-

Maybe look for 'past tense verbs and adverbs' in google search.

They say you should try to avoid verbs that end in 'ing' as well because those indicate something that will happen or future tense verbs too- but I notice alot of writers don't follow this advice- I try to limit verbs that end in 'ing' as much as possible and try to avoid past tense verbs as well, but I am not strict about this in my writing- sometimes these verbs are needed.

I'll give another quick example of "SHOW don't TELL"

Mary stepped out of the shower, and threw the towel on the floor to soak up the water. Her hair was wet, and the room was cold. The phone rang, and she ran to the living room oblivious of the water that fell on the floor. The caller was a salesman. This made her upset. However, she noticed the carpet was wet, and knew that she was going to be in trouble when Mark found out. He had beat her up for much less than this before, and now he was going to be furious. She started to cry.

(That was kind of dull and was more me TELLING you what happened without describing anything- notice in the following how vivid the detail is and how it SHOWS Mary in her environment - I'll show you that room is cold without even having to tell you 'it was cold' and I'll show her soaking wet condition without having to TELL you she 'was wet')

Mary gingerly set her foot over the tub, and recoiled when toes hit the tile. She promised herself that she would speak to the landlord at the first oportunity she had. Just because she was in a low rent apartment, she should not have to suffer like an animal.

She reached for the towel, laid it on the floor, and stepped atop the make-shift terry cloth bathrug. She twisted her hair over the sink and drained off as much water as she could manage. The extra towels were in the hall, and she would have to make a mad dash for the closet before soaking everything in sight. She edged the door open, peeked out into the living room, and hoped Mark had already left for work. With a nervous laugh, she chided herself for her vanity, set her chin high, and bolted for the hall.A ringing sound interrupted her sprint.

"Dang it!" she hissed. "Of all the rotton timing."

She streaked across the lviing room, snatched the phone from the cradle, and flipped her soggy red hair behind her back. A quick glance toward the bathroom revealed wet footprints on the new carpet. She stifled a gasp, and hoped that it would be dry before Mark came home. Goosebumps began to form on her lean, athletic frame, and she rubbed her skin vigorously.

"Hello," she said.

"Mrs. Wentworth? Hi ... I'm calling with an offer for Capital One Credit that you simply can not pass up!" the caller said.

Mary yanked the phone away from her ear, stared at the receiver for a second, and then slammed it back into the cradle with a thud. An icy breeze carressed the calves of her legs, and she looked down, horrified at what she saw. A pool of water -- an inch deep it seemed -- had gathered at her feet. She touched her blackened eye, winced at the pain, and pictured Mark in one of his rampages. The tears welled in her eyes, and she began to sob uncontrollably.

(In the second to last sentance, I didn't tell you Mark was going to be angry and abusive, but showed you that Mark would be by Mary's actions- Sometimes you do have to TELL like in the very last sentance. I had to tell the audience that Mary began to sob (Although, I'm sure with a little creativity, I could have shown that as well instead of telling you)

In order to SHOW, ask yourself things like "Ok- Pete went to the store- HOW did he go to the store? Did he run, and end up there out of breath?, did he drive and smoke a cigarette along the way?, Did he take the subway and nearly get mugged before he got there?

Your characters are always doing something- just like we do in every day life- Right now I could TELL you that I'm writing this message, or I could SHOW you that I'm writing by describing what and how I am doing it. I could show you that I'm hunched over a keyboard, my fingertips are bleeding and raw, asnd yet I'm tapping away on the bloodstained keys like a madman because I'm obsessed with explaining what I'm doing. I could SHOW how I'm right this instant staring at the keys as I type because I never learned how to type properly, and I could SHOW you that I'm wincing because of the pain the glaring monitor in a darkened room is causing my eyes, because I wish to make sure all my words are spelt right. In the second instance, you get a visual picture of what I'm doing, rather than having to be told what I'm doing by me. (No, my fingers aren't really bleeding lol)

You "SEE" me bent over the keyboard, typing in pain, through half shut eyes, struggling to see if I've spelt everything right or not. You know I'm typing, but HOW am I typing? In pain, and looking from the keys to the monitor.

Anyways, like I said, think about how a character would do something- anything, everything. Do they simply sit down to eat dinner? Or, do they, kick chairs out of the way, sit down with a thud, and chomp away madly, slopping food everywhere, and wipe their mouths on their sleeves? Do they sit gingelry, unfold a napkin in their lap, roll up their sleeves, and dab the napkin at their mouths after every bite?

Stick to the "HOW" AND "WHAT" questions, and you really won't have to worry too much about TELLING because You'll Be SHOWING us how your characters act. When they walk in the woods, WHAT are they doing while they walk? Are they glancing around? Smelling the air? Scuffing their feet through the leaves? Tossing bits of sticks at trees?

A word of caution though- Don't over-do the SHOWING because it can become too tedious to read- Use it often, but not exclusively

Magnatolia

Hi Nazareth

Thanks for that brilliant example. I love the second part, with all the sample questions.

One thing, -ing verbs are also used as continuous verbs (I think that's the right terminolog), meaning they cover the present and continue into the future.

An example. 'I am walking', meaning I am currently walking and will be walking in the future.

Cheers
Jason

Magnatolia

Hi Guys

Could you have a look at some examples I've written, and confirm if they're complete SHOW not TELL, and what you think of the style.
The sentence at the beginning in () is the TELL.

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(It was snowing outside.)

He grimaced at the flurry of snowflakes that fell outside the windows, a dire warning that winter had well and truly set in. Even with the windows closed, his hands stung from the chill.

“God, it’s so cold,” he muttered, rubbing his hands together fervently. It didn’t help though; he still couldn’t feel anything.

“Yeah, I feel sorry for the First-Years. Those waters will be simply frigid. Oh, I do hope no one falls in.”

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(He burnt his hand on the flame.)

He probed the candle with his fingers, but nothing seemed to happen. Shrugging, he removed the candle from it’s holder. The candle immediately caught on fire, leaving deep burn marks on the plam of his hand.

“Ouch! What was that?” He dropped the candle with a shout.

Hermione grabbed the candle with a pair of gloves, and checked it over. “It looks to me like a Ignusium Candle.” She noticed the blank expression he gave her. “It’s a trick candle. They’re designed to burn skin. Doesn’t anyone read A History of Magic,” she asked irritably.

Cheers
Jason