Editing help Please!!! - Writers Forum

bussinuaroundtown · 07-01-2004, 11:21 PM

Greetings,

I am seeking help with my 2 thank you notes for graduation, can someone PLEASE check this for proper grammar or if you think I should change anything. English class was not my strong subject and any help is appreciated.

Thanks

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Hi,

I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate the graduation gift. I apologize for the delay but I had a small fire in my room and ended up burning my hands. The house is fine and my hands should heal up just fine, it does delay my entry into the marines a month or so (Mom is happy about that). Again thank you so much.

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Hi,

I just wanted to thank you for coming to my party it was great to see you again. And also thank you for the graduation gift. I apologize for the delay but I had a small fire in my room and ended up with burns on my hands. The house is fine and my hands should heal up just fine, it does delay my entry into the marines by a month or so (Mom is happy about that). Again thank you so much.

gabriella · 07-02-2004, 09:21 AM

Okay, um, I know I've never done this before.... but why are you bringing your personal life into it? Just thank them. You don't want them fretting about your hands, and should only tell them something's wrong when it's not getting better.

Quote:

I just wanted to thank you for coming to my party it was great to see you again. And also thank you for the graduation gift. I apologize for the delay but I had a small fire in my room and ended up with burns on my hands. The house is fine and my hands should heal up just fine, it does delay my entry into the marines by a month or so (Mom is happy about that). Again thank you so much.

What's underlined means you should get rid of it.

Quote:

I just wanted to thank you for coming to my party it was great to see you again. And also thank you for the graduation gift. I apologize for the delay

Soooo edit that a touch and you could have:

Quote:

I wanted to let you know how greatful I am that you attended my graduation ceremony - it was wonderful to meet you again, and I look forward to getting together again sometime. Also, I would like to say how much I loved your graduation gift.

Again, thank you so much for coming, and for the gifts.

Much love,
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But, if you still want to include the handburns/marine thing you could write...

Quote:

I wanted to let you know how greatful I am that you attended my graduation ceremony - it was wonderful to meet you again, and I look forward to getting together again sometime. Also, I would like to say how much I loved your graduation gift.

I apologize for the delay in sending this letter, but have been unable to write for some time due to minor burns - I am, however, delayed entry into the marines for about a month or so (Mom is overjoyed.)

Again, thank you so much for coming, and for the gifts.

Much love,
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