eleutheromaniac

I've discovered that a number of posters are suffering from what I call Hemingway disease (Having the same subject-first sentence structure throughout an entire story). Hemingway disease attacks the central nervous system, and bores to death anyone that reads it. It's serious and quite possibly contagious.
So, rather than diagnose each post individually, when I see a case I will simply say "RE: Hemingway in Advice forum". Together, we can help.

Tips:

-reread work. if several sentences appear to have the same subject-first sentence strutuce, rewrite. Repeat as necessary.

-if having trouble figuring out the subject, the subject is always the one doing the central "action".

Example:

I saw him in the hallway without his books. (subject is "I". Subject's action is "saw". Subject "saw him in the hallway without books.")

In the hallway, without his books, I saw him. (Ta da.)

Subject first is fine sometimes, but if used all the time, it gives the work a monotonous tone that is very dry and boring.

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Nazareth

That second sentance just doesn't sound right to the ear- - is there perhaps a better way to word it?

I know what you're saying cuz my work seems to all sound kinda monotonous, but when I try to re-write it, I can't figure out, cuz the sentances come out sounding wierd

Airborneguy

Maybe you can give a better example which would make me agree, but this one sucks. It does not sound right at all, and if you think it does, then you have a worse disease than your so called "Hemingway Disease", whom by the way, was one of the most popular and successful novelists ever.

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Airborneguy

I just read that again, and man, it really sounds ridiculous:

I saw him in the hallway without his books

This means, clearly, "he" was in the hallway and "he", did not have "his" books

In the hallway, without his books, I saw him

To me, at least, sounds more like: "I" was in the hallway, not having his books on "me", when I saw "him". Get it?

In the hallway, I saw him, without his books

This may be something closer to what you were going for.

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Kermie04

I agree. I think we all need a better example to see where you are coming from.

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Kermie04

eleutheromaniac

Here's an example from someone else's work that I suggested.


"The startled patrons, silenced by the interruption, just stared at the man, waiting for something to happen."

suggestion:

"The interruption startled the patrons into silence. They stared at the man, waiting for something to happen."

Airbourneguy: you're absolutely right, that does sound better. I didn't really put much thought into it, just wanted to give an example for how to switch up your sentence structure.

How 'bout:

In the hallway, without his books, is where I saw him.

It all depends on which part of the sentence you want the reader to focus on. In this case, the fact that he was "without his books" is the part the reader will notice. In your example:

"In the hallway, I saw him without his books"

The focus is on the fact that you saw "him". Like maybe the character has a thing for him.

And in the subject-first example:

I saw him in the hallway without his books.

The focus is on the fact that you saw him in the "hallway". As if it is for some reason unusual to see him in the hallway, or that you're just stating the simple fact that that happens to be where you saw him. The fact that he was without his books becomes an afterthought.

That's why it's important to switch up your sentence structure, so that you can manipulate the reader into focusing on specific parts of the sentence. It's a very subtle skill, and can be difficult to master.

'"Hemingway Disease", whom by the way, was one of the most popular and successful novelists ever.'

I hope you're not saying that success necessitates talent, or vice versa. I give you Ashton Kutchor, Britney Spears, John Grisham, etc, etc, etc.... Not to say Hemingway was totally untalented, but he is infamous for his flawed sentence structure.

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spiritfire123

haha your talking about the guy that my grandma tried to force me to write like because "his sentence structure is very good, you could learn some things from his writing"

i see what your saying, and usually try to avoid writing like that as much as i can, but hey, it happens to all of us.

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Leapord

I find it curious how your suggestion uses a subject-first sentence structure. Your suggestion is significantly better worded than the original, but I find it out of place as an example to support your point.

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Kermie04

Not to be mean or anything, but you are really confusing me here. Could somebody else please try and explain this Hemmingway's disease to me? I am interested in learning about this especially if it can help my writing, however, I am just really confused about it based on this post. Thank you.

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eleutheromaniac

Leapord: meh. I just thought any example to show how easy it was to switch-up sentence structure would suffice. Also, I tend to label any repeatitive sentence problems under HD. (In this case, the problem was that a lot of sentences started "The ..." wait a minute ... I didn't help at all did I? Oh, well.)

Kermie04: If you could tell me exactly what part of it you're confused about, I could probably explain it to you. (You do know it's not an actual disease, right?)

"Not to be mean or anything"

Geez, and people say Canadians are too polite.

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Kermie04

hehe I'm so confused, that I don't know what I am confused about. I think I just need a simpler explanation. I do realize that this is not an actual disease, but I do want to learn more about it . Do you have any websites where I could look up information about this? I am always trying to improve my writing, and if knowing about this will help me, that I want to learn about it. Thank you so much!

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Kermie04

eleutheromaniac

There aren't any websites that I know of. I first heard about "Hemingway disease" from my writing teacher in high school.
The best thing I can suggest is to read more. But read as a writer, not as a reader. Notice things like sentence structure and syntax. Sentence structure is also often utilised by journalists, who have to report the facts, but would rather downplay certain facts while emphasising others. The next time you read a column in the paper, see if you notice the writer using sentence and paragraph structure to downplay certain facts. By noticing this in other people's writing, it should become easier to utilise it in your own writing.
Well, since you don't know what you're confused about, that's about the best I can do.

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Kermie04

hmmm I will try this, but I don't know how credible this so called disease is if there isn't any tangible information on it.

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eleutheromaniac

It's just something I made up. It's like saying if somebody can't make free throws they have "Shaq disease". I doubt if you'll find any info on "Shaq disease", either. Maybe type in "sentence structure problems" on google and see what happens.

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regina_verbae

I always write stuff like:

"Fromo ran into the trees, huffing and puffing along the way."

I'm obsessed with clauses. When you've got a bunch in a row, however, it sounds nasty.

"Fromo ran into the trees, huffing and puffing along the way. Lashing at his face, the trees seemed vindictive. Suddenly Fromo burst into a clearing, surprising him into a desperate halt. The moon grinned evilly above him, turning his blood cold."

Etc. Really irritating after a while. I usually write my first draft ignoring my sentence structure and focusing on ideas. Then I do an extensive rewrite, making everything flow in a more readable fashion.

"Fromo huffed and puffed as he ran into the trees. The branches attacked his face with the vengeance of an angry mob. A clearing emerged suddenly and forced him into a desperate halt. The moon shining down through the humid sky spread its lips maliciously, turning the heat of Fromo's sweat into the chill of terror."

Probably not a good example, but that's because I was trying to make one.

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